8 month old has NEVER slept!

[LondonerGal]

Please help.
I could go on with many details for hours but long story short my 8 month old has never slept well. He had colic from a few days old to 4 months old and therefore the only way we could help him sleep (we didn’t even discover this for some time) was sling or car or pram. Even then he would never sleep long. At night his sleep has improved but he wakes 6 approx times a night. He is breastfed. He will nap for 30 mins twice a day and no more - and those naps are a battle to achieve. I’m exhausted and I’ve never slept longer than four hours his whole life. Controlled crying isn’t working. He screams for up to two hours and I give up because by that time he’s hungry again or his nappy is wet or he’s due some solids. I don’t understand why he can’t self settle or learn to self settle when I’m doing all I can to help him try to learn this. Other mums I speak to just assume I’m doing something wrong when really I’m a level headed person who is now at breaking point mentally. This is my first post on a mummy website. Someone please help me.

To add to this - we have a good routine for bedtime, and have doggedly tried to keep it going since he was very little despite him not really responding to it, the stupid quiet dark bath, milk, story, bed to routine. He’s my first baby and we don’t drink or smoke or have pets or loud kids around to make him stressed.

Can't relate to the nap thing but mine didn't sleep through until 10 months. You never know - improved sleep might be just around the corner. Hope you feel better soon

Oh wow that sounds really tough!

First of all, just know that this eventually will pass. I know it’s been a long 8 months but it will get better.

Have you tried safe co sleeping? I think letting him scream for 2hrs probably isn’t th way to go (I’m sure you were at the end of your tether and we’re trying everything).

Have you tried making his room pitch black, as in black out curtains, no light at all and also with a white noise machine? Both these elements made a huuuuge difference in my little boys sleep.

Do you think his frequent night wakings are because he’s actually wanting a feed or just the comfort? I found that once I dropped DSs night feeds (once he was taking 3 solid meals a day), sleep got a lot more consistent too. I figured he was just waking and comfort feeding if that makes sense. So instead of breast feeding if he woke in the night, I would just go in and settle him, rock him in his cot gently, pat his bum and then get up and leave, reinforcing that I’ll always be there when he needs me but that night time is for sleeping and not for eating. And then repeat that as needed, eventually he didn’t need very long at all to resettle and that led into him learning how to self settle. He sleeps 7-7pm now and has done since about 8/9 months but it was a long road to get there! Perseverance was the key.

I know it’s hard, I remember the first year felt like it went on forever and I doubted myself so much but I promise you’re doing a great job and it will get better.

Good luck x

You are not doing anything wrong! Some babies just find sleep comes more easily to them than others. My first was a bit like this - would sleep in pushchair, etc, but at home would only feed to sleep, nap when held, etc, until around 9 months. Worst period was 3-7 months when he woke every 45 minutes on a bad night. I was on my knees.

I hate to say this but my first would not self-settle until he was around this age or slightly older and would then only do it when I wasn’t around, eg he would go to sleep in his cot if Daddy was sitting with him but would scream if I was around as he preferred to be breastfed to sleep.

Might be worth thinking about what you want and whether it’s realistic, then picking one thing to try - eg getting him to nap for longer in the day, or breaking the feed to sleep cycle if that causes you a problem.

So if controlled crying doesn’t work for you, other options include:

• gradual retreat (more gentle then controlled crying).
• sleep consultant
• GP to check nothing physical disturbing him like reflux.
• co-sleeping if that gets you more sleep.

But don’t beat yourself up. I spent months trying to figure out where I was going wrong - and when mine got to about 2.5, he became a dream sleeper who went through the night without a murmur. Most people have good or bad periods with sleep, often when everyone else they know is having the opposite.

Ahhh bless you. I was in this boat a few months ago and at the end of my teather. My first DD slept through from 12 weeks and I assumed DD2 would do the same.

Anyway she didn’t. And I was exhausted. What helped was moving her into her own room (at 13 months) and also night weaning. DD was waking every 3 hours and feeding back to sleep and then that stopped working. Plus no one else could take her and give me a break because of BF all night. So, I moved her to her own room and straight away she slept better as she wasn’t sensitive to me, every time I snored or stirred etc. Anyway she still woke at least 2 or 3 times a night and I just decided to night wean. It was pretty horrible but I gave her a last feed on a chair in her bedroom, and then did a story, and then got into bed and cuddled her. She did cry and get upset but I comforted her with cuddles and things and eventually she learnt to go to bed without boob. I did that for a few weeks but still fed when she woke at night. Then randomly she slept though one night and I just thought, that’s it. No boob in bed anymore. So then when she woke in the night I just got into bed and did the cuddle thing again. Again I had a couple of nights of tears but now she accepts it. She sleeps through maybe 3 nights a week, and otherwise wakes once about 4am and I just get into her cot and cuddle her back to sleep. Obviously I need to wean her off the cuddles but for now we don’t want to remove anymore comfort and to be honest everyone wants a cuddle in bed sometimes don't they. Plus it’s easier now because Daddy can put her to sleep and covers one night a week which helps.

Wishing you lots of luck (and sleep), it’s so hard and to be honest it nearly broke me in the autumn. But she is improving very slowly so there is hope.

Oh yes and I dropped a day feed too and that helped a little bit. And made sure naps were in pushchair or car and not her boobing to sleep

Thank you so much I can’t believe how kind you’ve all been and so helpful - more help than anything else has been. Agreed that maybe I will try weaning him off boob at night. We’ve tried the pitch black and white noise (many different white noises!) sadly along with every technique we can think of but to no success. I will go all through these suggestions meticulously! Just at breaking point physically and feel like doctors have never taken me seriously when I say he’s never slept - they just think new mum must be getting used to it but none of what I’ve been through with bubs has been fully normal I don’t think!
THANK YOU ladies

LondonerGal I could have written your post except my DS is 6 months. I lost consciousness at the dr last week due to exhaustion so please get someone to take it seriously! DS also only naps in the pram so have been doing almost 40 miles a week for months trying to get him to sleep.
Some really great support and tips here which I will also think about.
OP, no advice but thoughts and sympathy for you.