13 months old still not sleeping through the night

[Alice05011]

My little ones now 13 months old and is still getting up anywhere between 2-5 times per night for her bottle. Around 9 months old when I had some holidays from work we tried to sleep train her but she screamed for hours and we were worried about our neighbours so we had to stop as nothing would settle her except milk. We both work full time so we gave in to the easy option. She had colic and reflux until around 6/7 months old and the only thing that would settle her was milk. She doesn’t take a dummy (we’ve tried many times) and she can’t settle herself unless she’s in a car or her bottle. On an average day she will eat... 1 weetabix for breakfast, 5oz cows milk late morning for her nap, toast/sandwich/fruit/finger food for lunch, yoghurt for an afternoon snack, and usually something pasta or potato based for her tea around 5:30. She then eats some of whatever I have too. She goes to bed with a bottle and a bedtime story between 7-7:30 and can be up within 2 hours for another 7oz bottle. She can’t be hungry but we’ve let her just cry, and going in to lay her down etc but it doesn’t seem to work. I’ve just started to dilute her milk to see if this helps to eventually give her just water and then hopefully she won’t bother waking up for it. But so far she’s just been waking up more frequently because of the less milk. Last night she had 5 bottles between 7pm-4am. It’s difficult because I work 3 night shifts per week so aren’t always home. She currently weighs around 21lb and looks happy and healthy other than a little chunk (probably from all the milk calories), she’s also been walking since 10/11 months so thought she’d start to slim down by now. Hope someone can help.
Alice x

She doesn't need the milk calories overnight. If she didn't have them it's entirelyreasonable that she'd increase her daytime eating so that she has enough calories. Likewise, assuming she is adequately hydrated through the day she also shouldn't need water at night. If she is physically thirsty during the night then it's a sign she's not drinking enough in the day and NOT that she should drink at night. Likewise food/calories and night milk.

That said, what she does need in order to get to sleep and if she wakes in the night is comfort. Your issue is that for your DC milk=comfort.

So lose any idea that she needs the milk for sustenance, it's not that. But she does need that 'thing that milk gives her - which is comfort.

So I would start with swapping milk for water. Or wean down the milk to make it more dilute if you don't want to go whole-hog. I would do it whole-hog though rather than prolonging the agony and just swap bottles of milk for bottles of water straight away.

You'll then need to give it a good month to allow her diet to change, this won't happen over a few days or just a couple of weeks. Offer much more nutritious foods during the day. Makes meals more frequent (for the transition period), even considering 6 meals a day. Also go overboard on daytime fluids. I'm a fan of sugar-free squash because children drink more water than way in my experience, but just water is fine too if your DC drink plenty of it.

Thankyou for your response. I felt too mean cutting the milk out completely. Since the Sunday evening I have given her a normal bottle for bed and then 2oz milk 6oz water. So far we have noticed that she’s now getting up a lot more through the night. I did give her a bottle of just water on one of her wake ups one night and she did go back over but woke around an hour after this. She has increased the amount she is eating throughout the day but sleeping worse. Hoping this stops soon. Arghh

DS hated sleeping and it was years before he slept through the night. He never really had a daytime nap either. Some kids are like that.

I could literally have written your post OP except my DS is now 2.5. Health visitor has advised not even offering water, leaving for 1.5 mins to cry (unless he's really distressed, in which case don't wait). Then just go in and calmly say it's time for sleep, offer a cuddle if the want it and then retreat... Repeat as necessary. We're still working on that as when we're exhausted it's so hard- I literally got 40 mins sleep last night and have been up with DS since 5am, I'm broken but can't stand the current reliance on milk either as all it does is send him to sleep for another hour or two. Hope you find a solution!

Yep i agree with PP who said your DD is using the milk as a sleep aid rather than actually needing it. At 13 months, providing she's eating enough during the day, she doesn't need milk at night anymore. It seems to me she's using it more as a comforter - which is a pain for you as you have to make it all the time!

Have you tried buying her a soft toy comforter? My DD has a little bunny from John Lewis and it's honestly been a lifesaver. It has really worked for us. When she's upset in bed she's finds the bunny herself and self-settles. It's worth a try - I used to just keep putting it into the cot near her cheek so she got used to the softness and began to like it when she slept. Obviously usual observations with regard to toys/covers in bed apply.

Other than that, i would definitely suggest weaning her off the warm milk and onto perhaps a small bottle of water instead. My friends son was the same and they eventually got him into going to bed with a small bottle of water that he could find himself in the night if he needed it.

Good luck!

Glad I’m not the only one, I’ve tried the approach of not giving anything and giving a cuddle, laying back down and going in every so often until she’s settled but it just didn’t work. She’d get herself in such a state. She absolutely loves Po from teletubbies so I will try her going to bed with that from now on, Thankyou!! She is eating more and more each day now I’ve reduced her milk during the night but still not sleeping better. Just hoping it works eventually☹️

@mummabubs 40 mins sleep is crazy. I couldn’t do it, working and having a child who doesn’t sleep is so hard and it’s our own fault for taking the easy option. Hats off to you!! I may have to resort in offering nothing and just laying her down but very difficult when I work 3 night shifts a week and my partner has to deal with her on his own and get up for work the next day too. Hoping you start getting more sleep soon! X

Rather than dilute the bottles I’d try reducing the amount in them an oz at a time every few days. Then it should get to the point where she’s not bothering to wake up for them.

I will try giving her less, just previously she would just not go to sleep if it’s not enough, so she would scream until she gets more. Thankyou 😊

Thanks Alice05011. We're on night 2 of new routine (he just has a small amount of milk offered to him during bedtime story and then when he wakes in the night I cuddle him /reassure until he calms down enoihj to self settle. Last night his wake Up took 90 minutes for him to settle but after that he didn't wake up again until 7am (winner in my book!) His first wake up tonight he took 25 minutes to settle so that's an improvement on last night already 😂 Only issue is my husband thinks we should leave him to cry and not go to him... Which personally I'm not prepared to do so it does land all of the comforting on me. Health visitor reckoned that after 3-5 nights of sticking this out he should start sleeping through- I blooming hope so!! Really hope you find a solution that works for you soon! X

Mesnt to add that I also work so know the horror that is trying to function during the day when your brain feels like a slug wading through jelly 😂 And maybe Po will help? My son's bed companion of choice is Iggle Piggle. The scariest thing in the world is when leans on the button in his sleep and our sleep upstairs is suddenly interrupted by "Yes, my name is Iggle Piiiiiiggle" blasting out of the monitor. 😂😂

@mummabubs that’s brilliant!! Glad it’s working for you!! Whilst I was working last night my little madam got up 10 times and once for 90 mins and would not go back over. Managed to give her tea and 30 mins before bed she had a weetabix, so far she hasn’t woken and been asleep for almost 3 hours 🤞. Going to offer her 1 bottle early hours and then just water for the rest of the night. I understand the crying thing, I’m happy to let her cry knowing she is safe in her cot, but my partner isn’t and with me not being in 3 nights a week he wouldn’t do it so we couldn’t be consistent. Oh I can imagine that’s scary haha 😂, definitely going to try the teddy (forgot tonight, oops)

Agree with others who say gradually reduce the milk- water it down gradually to the point where it's just water and it should become less appealing to wake up for.

I'd also try and improve their diet- doesn't sound like they get much protein? Can you switch the toast for porridge with peanut butter/banana/chia seeds etc and the pasta or potato heavy dinners for meat, egg or lentil focused meals?

My 3.5 yr old still wakes up. My 9 year old didn't sleep through until she was 5 and my nearly 6 year old slept has slept through almost all of her life unless ill. They are all different. Good luck!

@BigGreenBaskets she does have scrambled egg/shredded chicken/mince in some of her meals, but will definitely try to increase her protein intake. Thankyou :)

How's it going with the milk reduction OP? We're on day 5 now and although we're finding that it takes much longer to settle him to sleep initially he is then appearing to sleep much better at night and eating more in the day. Hope all's going well for you x

@mummabubs glad it’s going well for you, it’ll be worth it in the end. Friday I started giving mine a weetabix 30 mins before bed, then a story, and bottle and decided that if she was to wake up before 1am she could have water/nothing and anytime after 1 was acceptable to have a bottle. She settled herself everytime within 15 mins of waking until 2:30am so had a bottle. 2nd and 3rd night we were away but I carried the routine on in the hotel and she didn’t have any milk, and just the odd bottle of water if she gets herself in a state. So she’s sleeping longer without waking and has learnt to settle herself although she does cry. So fingers crossed 🤞 x

That sounds tough.. I'd try and up the food in the day as much as possible and add calories like some butter and cream, peanut butter. 1.5 wheetabix for example. Or even two. Mine ate loads as toddlers. Then switch to water.. good luck.

Brilliant stuff @Alice05011! Sounds like good steps and heading in the right direction... Fingers crossed for both of us! 😁

we used to give one of ours rice pudding or porridge in the evening before bed. filled her up. I am afraid though I was just cruel and by that age no bottles at all at any time of day or night and no dummies. water in a cup overnight if needed. from what friends seemed to experience the sucking on a bottle is the comfort they are seeking, not the drink itself.

Just be sure that it isn't the reflux flaring up again as commonly the milk is what they look for to soothe them.

oh I missed mention of reflux. my eldest who was the one who fed constantly had silent reflux. Rice pudding at bed really did help as it was thick but you may need to try gaviscon sachets from the Dr or something similar and see if that works.