Why can't my baby fall asleep by herself?

[Mamabear04]

Is it normal for a 12 week old to not fall asleep by themselves? My DD hasn't been able to fall asleep by herself unless being rocked or bounced on an exercise ball or being walked in the pram. Will this ever change and if so when?

Yes, completely normal. It may well not change until you do some sort of sleep training (wait till at least 6 months, preferably a year). Don't believe what the books tell you about babies drifting off to sleep! The vast majority don't.

Completely normal. My 3.5 yr old has only just started to go to sleep by herself and sometimes she asks us to stay with her.

Yes completely normal. I still have to stay with my 3yo until she’s asleep!! It is hard though when they’re so little. Especially when they’re asleep in your arms and then wake up as soon as you put them down!!

Yes very normal your baby is tiny! I think officially they say your baby should start learning to self settle (without sleep props such as feeding and rocking) from 6 months but as you can see this happens a lot later for many babies!

My 17mo still has to be fed to sleep! So yes, I’d say it’s normal! Nothing may change for quite a while yet.

Yes very normal, mine both only started falling asleep by themselves at around 18 months. Had to be fed or rocked before then

I can’t tell if you are joking. 12 weeks old? And you want them to figure out how to do something that most adults struggle to do without some kind of help?
You have lots of time and it is totally normal. My son started being able to fall asleep ( with some help but without having to be rocked at 8 months. And I think that was quite good going.
Hopefully your child will be quicker. Good luck and hope you are surviving!

My baby napped in my arms well beyond 10 months. Lots of feeding to sleep and closeness. The cuddles and closeness helped him feel secure and helped his brain to develop. He's now a happy and independent one and a half year old who sleeps in his own cot like a dream. Your child is only 12 weeks, keep them close. Everything else can wait

None of my four children have been able to drop off themselves at least until the age of two or three. They’ve all needed a mixture of feeding, rocking, reading, cuddling etc. It’s just another thing that you take on when you become a parent.

Because she’s a baby...

12 weeks ago your baby had never not been safe and warm inside you. Normal and understandable that she can't fall asleep on her own. The contact also necessary for her development.

because she's a baby

This. In spades.

I also wondered if you're joking OP. She's a tiny baby still, have you read anything about 4th trimester?

It took my DD until about 8 months

I couldn't keep my son awake. I couldn't deal with all that I trained him to fall asleep on the sofa beside me while I was watching tv and to fall asleep surrounded by noise like hoovering, music etc so noise wouldn't wake him up from day 1.

Its unusual for a baby that young to go to sleep alone. They all do it when they’re ready whether that’s a few months or years old. Regardless of what some people say you don’t have to sleep train, they’ll get there in their own time.

Completely normal. My 9 year olds still prefer me to be there when they're falling asleep They can do it alone, but they'd rather not ....

Can I just say that I’m so relieved to read these replies! I know all of this of course, but I’m wracked with guilt with as baby number two just won’t go down without much persuasion. These fucking baby books and online advice articles that make out you’re doing it wrong if they’re not going down ‘sleepy but awake’! I chastised myself the first time round, and somehow I’m doing it all over again...even though I know it’s unrealistic!

So thank you all for making me feel less shit that I just fed and held my 15 week old to sleep.

LauraPalmersBodyBag I call bullshit on the “put them down sleepy but awake” thing. I’m on baby number 3, and haven’t managed “sleepy but awake” with any of them. I’m genuinely starting to believe it’s not even a thing

To answer your question OP: read up on the fourth trimester. Your baby is tiny. She hasn’t even realised she’s outside the womb yet, so being put down is scary as shit to her! All three of my DCs have taken naps in slings until around a year old, and then a combination of feeding/rocking to sleep and cosleeping until well into toddlerhood.

@ThePolishWombat thank you! My dd was fed, held and walked to sleep for a long time as it was the only thing that worked, but I gave myself a hard time about it all the way through. Swore I’d do it differently the next time, but this kid also likes to scream, so I’m just trying to survive. In low moments though, I’ve found myself reading the ‘sleepy but awake’ thing and feeling awful. You’d think I’d learn?!

It’s so nice to hear a realistic description of parenting, not one that makes me feel like I’m doing the wrong thing all the time.

Ds1 still likes his back rubbed to sleep and he's nearly 6yo. He can fall asleep on his own now since about 3yo.
Ds2 pretty much fell asleep by himself from day 1 . He's just a different child.
Ds1 did have colic as the health visitors liked to call it. They kept saying he'd grow out of it but they were just robbing me off. He never had any sleepy cues either. Just screaming pain and rage.

@LauraPalmersBodybag if they are alive, fed, relatively clean and loved then you’re doing great!!!

All she has never known is the rocking motion of being in your body, why would you expect a 12 week old baby to be able to go to sleep by themselves?

So I'm not joking - I'm a first time mum and I'm learning as I go and just trying to do my best. I know babies should be held and rocked and about the 4th trimester but I was wondering if it's possible for her to be able to fall asleep either in my arms - without half an hour of constant movement to get her there or if it is true about putting them down in a cot "sleepy but still awake" which btw - thank you all for confirming this as bullshit!

I really appreciate hearing about all your experiences!

Have you tried a carrier/ wrap/ sling?

DS is 2y7mo and is now at the stage where he goes to sleep with me sat in the room or beside him without other input. It's been a long time coming but I did BF at night til 21 mo, still bedshare as needed and have never sleep trained

They're all different OP. My second did the sleepy but awake thing. I found it terrifying given that my first had never fallen to sleep on his own until I started gradual withdrawal at 13 months!!

Btw I'm typing this sitting in my dc bedroom where my 2 and 4 yr old are nodding off. They like me to stay, so I do. They can both fall asleep without me here but I've been at work all day so really don't mind it.