I'm new here and at a loss with DD and not sure what to do. Looking for advice or people to just share their experience. Any words of encouragement or advice tips appreciated. Apologies for the long post.
Background:
DD is now 26 months and has never been a good sleeper. She'd go through phases of being ok but then illness or teething would knock her back to bad nights again.
We have always tried to keep a regular and consistent routine:
7am wake up
12pm nap to 2pm
640pm wind down and bed by 7pm
We also have a newborn who is now 4 months old. DD has been quite welcoming and happy with her little sister.
Wife looks after newborn and I try my best with DD every night with settling her, putting her to bed etc
The problem:
Three weeks ago, there were strong winds outside and DD woke up scared of the wind. Kept saying wind wind, I kept reassuring her that the wind is her friend, that she's safe in her cot etc etc. She also has gotten scared one or two nights when a car passes by and again I try to reassure her that cars are her friend and they can't hurt her and she's safe in her cot.
Since then, DD has slept terribly. Each night waking at least once every hour from around 11pm to 7am. I am not exaggerating.
She was hard to put down for the first week and we ended up leaving her bed room door open. She's slightly easier to put down but still takes between 30 to 60 minutes for her to fall asleep at bedtime.
We've also bought her a night light with lullaby music which we put on at bed time to try help this.
Some nights when she wakes every hour she is easily settled even though it means I have to go in and pat her back to get her back down. Other nights like tonight she is hysterical and nothing will calm her. Nothing. She will throw her dodies out of the cot and scream at the top of her lungs.
We do not do cry it out and try to go in and settle her. We try to keep it boring and not talk much but sometimes tell her she's safe and not to worry etc to try and keep her calm and not have her kick off.
I am at an absolute loss and completely mentally and physically drained from this. I'm sure my wife is also feeling the same.
When she wakes at night she is very upset. I'm not sure if anxiety/separation anxiety is the right term for it but I don't know how to help her or break this horrendous cycle.
I do not want to force a habit of putting her in bed with me. (Wife currently in another bedroom with newborn)
I'm not sure what we can do at this point. I see no end to this torture.
She has been acting out during the day too but I suppose this is part of the terrible twos, tantrums, hitting and pushing kids in creche (we are trying hard to teach her this is inappropriate behaviour), testing boundaries by saying no etc.
Can anyone offer words of encouragement or some advice or tips. It's 1am and I am drained from trying to put her down since 1130. My wife has gone in and managed to settle her now but I feel so useless when she settles her as she's already got newborn to look after and I can't manage to settle her.