1 year old will not calm down after waking at night

[CherryBlossom456]

My boy (12 months) has always been a terrible sleeper (I’ve posted on this before)

However now he has started hysterically screaming again (like he did at 9 months), making himself sick, kicking and punching me and pulling my hair whenever I pick him up to try calm him down and comfort him.

He woke up at 10pm and screamed for 2 hrs. He has been screaming since 4am and still going strong (it’s now 5.40am).

I had some success with gradual retreat rather than CC about a month ago but I’m 3 weeks into a new job and starting nursery and having 4hrs+ a night of scream fests and fighting.

He will not calm down no matter what I do.

Should I just sit there In the room for hrs until he gets bored? Alternative is persisting with getting kicked and punched for hrs.

I feed him milk and calpol and make sure he isn’t wet at night at the beginning of the scream fests

Any advice appreciated

You need to put your foot down on the hitting and kicking. One firm warning, and then if he does it again leave the room for a minute. Then come back and say that you don't want him to do that anymore. There will be an absolute meltdown, but you need to ride it out because he has to learn that he cant be aggressive just because he's upset.

Also, why are you giving him calpol?

Why is he screaming ?

• is it possible he's teething or has colics ?
• is he doing it for attention ?
• does he have nightmares ?

Finding the cause would help treat the symptom. If he is attention seeking then best course of action is ignoring him (but also make sure he gets enough attention during the day). Conversely, if he is in pain or distressed something needs to be done about it.

Thanks guys, I think it’s for attention but then the screaming gets so hysterical and he writhes around so much I doubt myself and think ‘what if he’s teething or has tummy ache and I’m not helping him?’ (Hence the calpol)

Anyway calpol is making no difference so I’m stopping that from tonight as I don’t like giving it if he doesn’t need it.

I have no idea if he’s having nightmares. I thought my reassuring cuddles would help but it seems to just make him violent :(

My husband thinks I’m abusive letting him cry so your suggestions are reassuring - thank you x

Does he react to your voice at all? I had some success with playing DS an audiobook/radio4/bbc world service off my phone when he’s yelling in the middle of the night. (You could use white noise but it makes me feel a bit shut in and as I’m there with him when he screams, I pick what we listen to!)

If your husband thinks its abusive to let him cry, I'd suggest he goes in and spends hours being punched and kicked while you get some sleep.

Have you tried letting him sleep with you?

My voice tends to make no difference and he thinks it’s playtime when I bring him into our room - I thought that might help if he felt abandoned now Ive gone back to work (probably the cause?)

I had that exact conversation with my husband and it triggered a huge 5am argument - no progress to be gained there unfortunately.

My gut feel is he knows when I hold him and pat him to calm him down he knows he is going back in his cot shortly so is desperate to avoid it and hold my attention

Finding and then following through with the solution is so upsetting. I just want to cuddle him and comfort him like usual :(

In his little mind bless him in full "Contol the mummy" mode. So hard when they r upset but I agree with the withdrawing when he starts hitting out etc and going back a little later to check all ok. Good luck at this tough time.

Id try speaking to your husband during the day. It is absolutely unacceptable that he's guilting you/controlling how you handle your joint child without taking on any of it himself.

I'm very concerned that a simple conversation with your husband about your child feeling abandoned at you going back to work led to a massive 5am argument and why isn't your husband taking some of the night sleeping problems on.
I'm wondering if your husband is a large part of the problem. Children pick up on these things.

Did you say he started nursery 3 weeks ago? I would imagine that has had a huge impact and his sleep will be disrupetd for at least 6 weeks or until he is settled into nursery. How is he in the day at drop off and pick up? How was he settling in to nursery? Do you spend enough time reconnecting with him after work so that he is able to separate again in a calm way at bedtime? It sounds to me like separation anxiety and he is desperate for your attention so I would give him as much really quality focused playtime as possible in the evening as soon as you get home from work. Tell your DH he's in charge of dinner and sorting the kitchen for the next few weeks and spend as much time one on one with your DS as possible

Thanks guys I’ll keep on trying to cuddle him and have as much play time with my little boy!!

There is no possibility of my husband helping or changing his behaviour. I have come to the conclusion I have to like it or lump it unfortunately.

I’m just trying to do the right thing by my little boy currently and getting through this phase in the best way possible is my priority :’)

No advice really but my 3 year old is exactly the same, the only thing that settles her is if I take her downstairs which she then thinks it's playtime and is up for hours. Last time she had a screaming fit I didn't give in and take her downstairs and she cried for 5 hours. I'm just riding the storm and hoping it will pass! Good luck OP

Just had another thought, has his diet changed since he started nursery?