5 month old - what are we doing wrong?

[Sandrine1982]

Hi.

So we have a 5-mo who isn't a very good sleeper. Before she hit the 4 month sleep regression, it almost felt like she was learning to sleep very well. She would do a long 4-5 hour stretch, followed by two 3h stretches.

But it's not the same anymore, and it feels like it's been ages. We're very tired. Now she will do a long-ish 2-3 hour stretch (8pm - 11pm) and from then on, she wakes up every 2 hours. What are we doing wrong?

We have the following routine:

• 6-7pm: warm bath, baby massage, feed, burp, quiet singing while being carried
• 7.30 - 8pm: bedtime, we put her in her cot, shush her, usually with a dummy, then leave the room. She falls asleep on first or second attempt.

She sleeps in her cot in our bedroom but only I sleep there with her.
I sleep on the other end of a super kind size bed. She shouldn't "smell" me there and I don't think I wake her up because I'm super quiet.

Food wise I breastfeed during the day, top up with formula (Hipp organic), then in the evening we give formula as her last feed.
We also tried some organic millet porridge (2 teaspoons) yesterday.
During the night I breastfeed if I there's been at least 2-3 hours between feeds (otherwise no milk), as that's the thing that can settle her easily. She ends up with a sodden nappy around 4am from the feeding, and changing the nappy wakes her up even more.

Clothing wise, we stopped swaddling her a couple of weeks ago but I think she still has a bit of moro reflex as she flaps her arms around until she falls asleep, as well as putting the scratch-mitts bits in her mouth all the time ... they end up sodden. She doesn't like the sleeping bag - or anything covering her for that matter - she ends up lifting her legs in the air constantly. So she only sleeps in a sleepsuit. I wonder if she's cold? The room is usually around 22-23*C - the baby monitor says - although it feels colder.

I'm at my wits' end. It feels like we're missing something that would help her get more sleep.

Any ideas?

Thanks

I don't think your missing anything. Try not to over think it and go with the flow. Some children sleep better than others. It does get better!

Your room seems very warm. Honestly your baby sounds completely normal.

I don’t think you’re missing anything, it sounds pretty normal to me.

I remember with dd (Now 4) her sleep patterns changed several times, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. I would get quite frustrated and stressed trying to work out what was going on.

Ds is now 8 months and his sleep is all over the place. This time round I’m of the “it is what it is” and going with the flow.... which I’m finding far less stressful.

22°?? That's hot! You must be paying a fortune for gas/electricity!

My DD was like this at that age and only really slept well when she started properly on solids. She also started rolling onto her front to sleep which made a difference too.

She used to lift her legs up a lot in the sleeping bag but I never felt it was due to not liking it. I think she just didn't really like sleeping on her back.

I learnt a really good tip for this time of year - putting socks on under a sleepsuit in case she is waking up because she's cold (seems odd for 22 degrees but ours is always 21 degrees). Mine has barely woken up during the night since.

Also advice suggests they should sleep up to 3 hours during the day (I think this is for when she's a bit older) so it might be worth checking that in case she's overtired?

Totally normal I'm afraid. Babies either sleep or they don't. My 7 month old has no sleep-wake up pattern yet. My first was the same. Co-sleeping is my saviour.

Sorry OP, just find ways to maximise your sleep (go to bed early, nap when you can). They do eventually sleep and hopefully yours won't be one that does this for years!

Not a single thing wrong! That’s just how babies sleep. Have a read of the gentle sleep book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith and it should give you the reassurance you need. At around that age I started to co-sleep for chunks of the night and it saved my sanity. All the getting up to the cot just woke me up more. You will survive this!

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Tiny babies are vampires who take all you're energy! At some point they will get there.

Sounds normal to me. The leg lifting is just a phase, I think – it's fun to do so they practise it, then it passes and they're on to rolling, then getting on all fours. There's so much to do instead of sleeping!

At nine months we sometimes get a four-hour stretch about once every three weeks...

During the night I breastfeed if I there's been at least 2-3 hours between feeds (otherwise no milk), as that's the thing that can settle her easily.

She's 4 months old. Just put her to the breast if she wants you, it'll make your life easier in the long run. I tried to stretch out feeds for DD1 but for DD2 and DS I treated a BF like a reset button. Hungry? BF. Thirsty? BF. Cold? BF. Hot? BF. Tired? BF. Just done a big poo? BF. Constipated? BF. Wants a cuddle? BF. Doesn't know what the hell she wants? BF.

With PFB it can be difficult to work out what the cries mean but BFing solves most issues except a full nappy and wind. It's much easier to cosleep and BF on demand than try and push a baby into a routine they don't want.

Thanks all for your replies.

As for the temperature, we actually rarely turn on the heating, we live in a top floor flat that is naturally warm. But I also think the temperature on the monitor is around 1-2 degrees warmer, it just doesn't feel so warm in that bedroom.
I'm not sure if we should keep on trying the sleeping bag, the baby might be cold ... ?? :-/

She's also becoming more and more active, she's wiggling so much in her sleep, which eventually wakes her up.

As soon as we put her down, she arches her back and digs her head into the cushion (I know, dangerous, but we need to use the cushion otherwise she'd be banging her head against the cot planks!!).
It looks like she's trying to turn, which she often manages to do. Then she ends up on her tummy, she lifts her head and that's it, she's looking around, wide awake ! And then obviously starts to cry ... .

Can I do anything? When will it end??

If she's started turning you'll either have to decide whether you leave her on her front to sleep or keep turning her back. My DD kept turning as soon as we put her down - she would cry for a moment and then fall asleep. She was 5.5 months.

Why would she be banging her head on cot planks? Don't you have a mattress? I wouldn't have that anyway but you can't leave the pillow if she's turning and potentially sleeping on her front.

Thanks @SmellyBeard. Yes in our case it's no use trying to turn her back, she will turn on her front again within minutes. Also what I meant was that she's always trying to press her forehead against something soft like a cushion to fall asleep. If we didn't leave the cushion, she would try to press her head against the side of the cot and start crying. So now we just leave the cushion and put it away when she's asleep. :-(

Honestly, I think you’re expecting too much. A lot of babies don’t sleep well, it’s part of the baby stage. Mine didn’t sleep regularly through the night until 2.5yrs I’m afraid! There will be plenty of others who say similar, and plenty more who had good sleepers.

I’d take the cushion out of the cot though - you’re not supposed to have pillows until 12 months. Especially if baby it starting to turn.

Sounds very normal. I'd take off the scratch mitts, 5 months old doesn't need them, just trim nails.

I'd remove cushion and get an air wrap for the cot instead.

This is a good summary of what to expect in terms of night wakings

I'd also suggest going up a size in nappies. There should be no leaks with that many feeds.

Aha. I would try the sleeping bag again if she's looking like she's going to sleep on her front. I think it keeps them cosy. We have the room at 18 - sometimes less and she's never woken up from being too cold. Good advice about going up a size in nappy to prevent leaks too.

I guess as long as you remove the pillow as soon as she's fallen asleep it's okay. I wouldn't have one myself - it would make me too twitchy! One thing I remember reading though is that when the baby comes into a light sleep their brain automatically registers if something has changed - so if she uses the pillow as a comfort object to get to sleep then she might notice its gone and not be able to get back off without it as she goes through her sleep cycles? Just a thought. Maybe you could try giving her something breathable like a cusky?

Thanks everyone - I will try that x

I would remove the scratch mitts - mine is the same age and sucks her thumb/fingers to go back to sleep in the night. A handy skill if they can learn it!

Ah that's a good idea! Hadn't thought of that. I was just worried that she might wake herself up because her hands still go wild sometimes :-/

..and she keep scratching around her eyes when tired ..