Sleep when baby sleeps

[Bluebutterfly90]

Hi MN,
My DS is now nearly 2 weeks old, and I still have real trouble being okay with sleeping when he sleeps.
He can be a sleepy baby and sometimes I need to wake him for feeds because it's getting up to 4hrs since his last one - so generally I am setting alarms to make sure he doesn't sleep too long.
My biggest problem with sleeping when he sleeps is anxiety that he will stop breathing. If I am napping on the sofa I will jerk awake and look inside the moses basket until I see him breathing. This happens quite a lot, and we've only managed to sleep with him upstairs in the next to me cot once or twice.

So my main worries are that he will not wake to feed and I will sleep too long or that he will stop breathing.
My HV is coming on Wednesday so I will probably mention this to her, but I'm really not sure what, if any, support is available.

Has anyone else had this same anxiety and how did you manage to overcome it?

When I wasn't confident DS would wake I set alarms for when I knew he would be due. As far as worrying about him not breathing I'm still not over that and DS is 8 weeks. I do have PND though.

That sounds like a little more anxiety than normal, did you have an ordinary pregnancy and birth, is your baby a good weight? I think you should talk things through with your HV. Most new mothers take a little while to adjust, but you do need to sleep yourself so that you can be at your best for the whole mothering day. Do you think if you had a breathing alarm it would make ypu more anxious or more able to relax...its a pad ypu put under the mattress that sets off an alarm if it cant detect a breath every x seconds.

Congratulations on your baby! I got very anxious about DC1 as he had jaundice, was very small and sleepy. You are doing the right thing. Feed every four hours, keep the baby in its moses basket as it is the safest place, rather than being tempted to sleep with it.

Good luck, I think many a new parent has checked their baby's breathing. Try to sleep as you are probably tired and coming down from the high of having a baby.

I thought weeks two and three were quite tough as it is still a new situation and a big adjustment.

Could have written this myself! Do you have enough support though? Being able to sub out with DH a couple of times a day means that I can get a core of rest in where I know he is being looked after by someone.

I think it’s very normal to have those worries but if you’re getting no sleep because of it then it can make you very ill as you need sleep to survive. In terms of waking to feed your sleep will be naturally lighter so you won’t miss an alarm. In terms of worrying about your baby I found practicing some relaxation techniques and repeating to myself “there’s no reason anything will happen” helped to reassure myself

Thanks for the responses.
I am aware that my anxiety level is higher than most people.
I had a fairly normal pregnancy but there was a risk factor as I have a heart shaped uterus and had lost two pregnancies early on before. I think I was almost convinced I would lose him too and that fear has carried over.

I'm lucky that my partner is very involved and hands on, though sometimes I cant relax when I'm not watching the baby because I feel like I should be.

I will try relaxation techniques- thank you for that suggestion.

@Bluebutterfly90 you sound like you're in a similar place to me. I didn't believe I would actually have DS until they placed him on me in theatre. The whole time I was pregnant I was waiting to lose him. Definitely speak to your health visitor, they can help you discuss how you're feeling and if you need help they can make referrals. I wouldn't sleep all night, staring at DS because I thought he'd stop breathing, I still do it sometimes but it's lessened. While how you're feeling may not be "normal" it's very common and if you do need help it's definitely out there.

I was like this in the beginning but I was happy for DH to sleep next to the baby and I slept in another room. How would you feel about that?