Should I carry on?

[lucieinthesky]

Hi, first time mum here in need of a bit of advice. Also the first time I've started a thread on here, so please be kind!

I have an 8 month DS who's sleep up until now can only be described as erratic. He always wakes at least once in the night, often twice, but there is no pattern as to what time it'll be - could be midnight, could be 5am, could be anywhere in between. Up until 3 nights ago, I always made him a bottle of milk (formula) during the night wakings and he'd go back off pretty quickly. We'd both only be awake for 20 minutes max, usually.

Just after Christmas, he started sleeping through 7.30-6.30 which was absolute heaven. This however only lasted about 5 nights, and now we're back to the same old 'pattern'. I'm due back at work in a couple of weeks and, knowing that he can go through without a feed, wanted to try and drop it.

The last 3 nights he's woken about 2.30am and I've offered him water form a bottle instead. The first night this was fine, he drank a bit, had a cuddle and settled pretty quickly. The last 2 nights, different story. He's had a bit of water then as I've gone to put him down has started screaming and continued for 90 minutes straight until he presumably tires himself out. I don't leave him alone crying any more than 5 minutes, so am in and out rubbing his back, sometimes picking him up and rocking, until he goes off. He screams when I leave the room. Both nights he's finally fallen asleep with me rocking him. I haven't had to do this since he was tiny.

I'm in two minds about whether or not to continue trying to get him to drop the night feed and am looking for a bit of support / guidance really. On the one hand, we've managed 3 nights and giving up now would mean all this crying and hard work would be for nothing - it feels a bit unfair on him to give up now. On the other, I'm tired and cranky, he's tired and cranky and now has a cold, there was absolutely no improvement from night 2 to night 3 and it seems like everyone would get more sleep if we just reverted to the old routine.

So as not to drip feed, he has 3 bottles (180-210ml) during the day as well as breakfast, lunch, dinner and 2 snacks. Bedtime routine is bath at 6.30, bottle, cuddle, bed. He is drowsy but awake when I put him down usually.

Any advice welcome! I really don't know what's best.

Thanks in advance.

If he has a cold id keep the feed for now, he won't learn anything if he's poorly

My view is that if he has shown he is able and happy to sleep without a feed, then when he is waking up, he probably needs one.

My daughter (9m) goes back and forth between sleeping through (from a dream feed) and waking once. I always trust that if she wakes and doesn’t settle herself (we usually give her a couple of minutes unless she’s clearly upset), then she’s genuinely hungry.

If it’s only taking 20 mins max, you’re very lucky. Feed him and go back to sleep rather than wasting time trying to teach him something he’s already shown you he’s able to do in his own time x

This is absolutely normal for his age, if he still cries for a feed he clearly needs it. And leaving him for 5 mins crying is actually quite a long time.

Is dad in the picture? If so he needs to be doing some night feeds too, especially but not solely because you're going back to work soon.

I would absolutely take the path of least resistance and give him the bottle.

Thank you everyone! I think that was what my gut was telling me too... I just keep reading stuff about how babies 'should' be sleeping through by now and that, combined with what the little ones from some of the baby groups we go to do, was getting in my head a bit.

He slept through until 4.15am last night. I fed him then and we were both back in bed by 4.30 so everyone is doing a lot better today.

Feel awful for leaving him now. But it can take almost 5 mins for me to get up, go down stairs and make a bottle (we have a perfect prep) anyway so not sure what the way around this is? He cries while I do this. We can't afford to use ready-made ones all the time.

Yep dad is on the scene but hasn't done a night feed in months because DS won't resettle for him that will probably have to change when I'm back at work as I have a 2 hour door to door commute each way so won't survive doing all the nights by myself!

Thank you again.

Ugh excuses re dad nor being able to resettle him!

It takes practice on behalf of both dad and baby - if anything that's reason for dad to do it MORE so baby gets used to him!

So fed up of reading about lazy arsed half dads!

@Graphista calm down and enough with the insults. I haven't let him do it recently because it's quicker if I do it, and he's working 80 hour weeks while I'm on maternity leave. But as I said we're making changes now in preparation for me going back to work. Everyone's pulling their weight, nobody's a half parent. Came here for support not judgement.

Thank you everyone else for your advice, feel loads better about it now x

To be fair, my DH does all the bed times and resettling for my DD because she just won't settle for me. And that's not just an excuse... (I like to think it's because she loves me so much she's just too excited to see me 😂).

I would try him with some porridge ( as well as bottle) before bed really try and fill him up.

@Spam88 my DD won't settle for me either, i think its the siren call of the booby

@ReallyLilyReally Bizarrely she would only nap for me, but only sleeps at night for him 🤷‍♀️ she's definitely just playing us 😂