HELP! Almost at breaking point...

[sleepsuit]

Looking for advice.
I have fallen into a habit of feeding my 6mo to sleep. We co-sleep. He'll only ever sleep on me, in pram or car!

So far this has worked for us as a family, but I'll be going back to work soon and I'd like to be able to put him in his cot without having to be fed to sleep - a huge ask, I know! I would also like someone else to be able to put him to sleep... not just me. All of this is really starting to take a toll on me.

DH has the next 10 days off so we are ready and willing to team up and do some gentle sleep training(?). Where do we start? We put him down yesterday when he was super drowsy for a nap and he cried so hard and is just impossible to console unless he goes back on the breast. Picking up, shushing and patting just makes him cry louder until he coughs (and would probably make himself sick if it continued...) over the course of half an hour he got so irate that I gave up and breast fed. He was asleep in ten minutes.

I feel I need to try something... as our current situation is beginning to not work for us anymore. I'm exhausted, tired and very emotional. Any help and advice would be much appreciated.

I'm afraid it's going to take longer than 30 minutes the first few times as they are so used to being fed to sleep. How about taking it in 10 minute turns with your OH? I used the Lucy Wolfe book and liked it.

I fed to sooth, an idea I had from the 'little ones' programme. Basically you feed for a short time just to calm them then you keep putting them in the cot awake and leaving for 5 mins and repeat until they sleep. You eventually have to go back in less and less. Mine sleeps straight away now.

(I still have to feed to sleep for night wakes though)

Thank you both!

I know it'll take much longer than 30 minutes, my willpower just wasn't very strong at all. I like the idea of feed to soothe, so will try that tonight! We've just started the bedtime routine so wish me luck (and willpower!!)

How is it going? I also play lullaby music in the background, seems to relax him too.

So it's been an hour. Fed him until he was very drowsy and then put him into cot. He woke up within about a minute, cooing and smiling. Took him out to feed again and put back in. He didn't cry for a while... lots and lots of eye rubbing and ear rubbing and noises. Had the white noise on and was gently stroking his head and shushing. He then started crying about ten minutes ago, getting more and more irate, coughing as he was crying so hard. Picked up and walked around, then put back, more crying. He's now back on the boob laying next to me and is basically asleep... i really don't want to transfer to his cot again... I'm no good at this

You can do it! Think of the long game. He'll be a happier baby when he can settle himself, it's a skill! And you need to sleep.

Ive been there, it's so hard but worthwhile

Did he sleep in the end OP?? I really know how you feel.

Thanks @Russell19 for checking in.

No! We tried for almost two hours and he got so so hysterical it was horrible to see. I'd never seen him cry like that. We gently reassured all the way through and didn't leave the room but he wasn't having it at all. It was horrible.

The past couple of nights we've continued cosleeping... complete fail. I'm so weak willed!! I'm psyching myself up for another try though. I'm thinking that trying to cut feeding to sleep AND putting him in the cot is all too much at once??. Have read so much online and spoke with HV yesterday and I'm so confused about where to start. Some say break the feeding to sleep habit first and still co sleep, others say feed to sleep and put in cot and keep going... there's no easy answer!

Have read so much online and spoke with HV yesterday and I'm so confused about where to start

Wherever you start, make sure both you and your husband are completely on board and that it feels right to you. As you've found out, it's incredibly tough going, but you've got to believe in what you're doing and stick with it. It'll be worse in the long run if you're not consistent and you will all be happier for it in the long term by the sounds of it.

there's no easy answer!

There definitely isn't, you hear the cry and you just want to explain to them that all they need to do is just go to sleep.

I don't know if this will be at all helpful to you but when our LO was going through a bit of a rough patch with his sleep I just told myself that he was actually demanding something rather than sad. I knew he didn't actually need anything cause I'd made sure he was warm, dry and fed. So in reality he was demanding something he didn't need. It gave me that extra bit of willpower to stick with what we were doing when all either of us wanted to do was pick him up and tell him it was ok.

Good luck.

Does he have a dummy?

It's so hard, I was the same as you from about 7 months, I left it until 13 months because I just hated to hear her cry and like you mine was hysterical but I really do wish I'd started it sooner. When the HV came to see me at 12 month check I told her about not sleeping and she arranged a referral for a sleep consultant to come round. She visited a few times and it did help. It actually only took me 10 days from day 1 crying hysterical to day 9 or 10 put down on back, she rolls over on her tummy and goes back to sleep. It's fantastic. Also since day 1 of doing it, she has never woken during the night (did for first few night but was kind of s cry and back to sleep within 10 seconds).

I used the Jay Gordon method. But DD was a year old when we did it. I couldn’t cope with doing anything earlier.

Just wanted to share my experience as I was so against cc method and had spent months of spending so much time trying to get my (now 14 month) old asleep with many wake up during the night, early wake ups, putting in bed with us because I was just so tired to do anything else. Now in a matter of 10 days l lay my lo in her cot, she closes her eyes and goes to sleep without a single tear. This is what worked for me (before this I did try gradual retreat but didn't work for us). Usual bedtime routine (bath, dressed, bottle, take into her room and sing twinkle twinkle while having a cuddle for about a minute) kiss goodnight, love you and walk out of room. The first 2 nights I hated, I would go back into her room every 2 mins, lay down and shhh (no talking, no eye contact) it took about 30 mins. Night 3 & 4 took between 10-15 mins. I then learned that she would cry more the more I went into her room and it felt like I was teasing her, (crying because she wanted me, I then go in but then am having to leave her again) so for the next couple of nights, I would go in the usual 2 mins but then decided to wait 5 mins. Nights 5 & 6 she was asleep within them 5 mins. Night 7 took 3 mins, night 8 took 2 mins. Nights 9&10 was asleep within a minute and since then I have been able to lay her down with no crying and straight to sleep. Would also like to add no night wakings apart from the first two nights (which even then was only her sitting up, cried out for 10 seconds or so and put herself to sleep) and also went from waking at 4am to now waking at 5:30, she goes to bed at 6:30 pm. I know it is so daunting to start any type of sleep training but it really is needed for a happy baby (also their brain development) and happy parents.

Sleep suit: because your baby is so young it may be worth while trying sitting in the same room while he falls asleep, stroking his back, anything just so long as your not holding him. This will get him used to not falling asleep on you. (It never really worked for me but they say to give it a try first). Also different parts of the brain control night sleep and naps. My lo is brilliant for night sleep but as yet can't get her to nap in cot. Try and get nights sorted before naps, it's really not worth an hour of crying for 1 hour nap. Also if their daytime sleep has been crap, it will be harder for them to sleep on an eveniy

Evening 😀

Sorry @claire543210, have to disagree with you on the idea that sleep training ‘really is needed for a happy baby’. Lots of very happy non ‘trained’ babies around, it’s not essential!
OP, think you’re probably right to feel that stopping feeding to sleep and also putting him in the cot is too much change all at once. Not sure which would be easier to start with, perhaps continue feeding to sleep while getting him used to the cot? Good luck, sounds like a tough time.

Sleepsuit: There were a couple of times when my lo cried so much and like you said coughing and so upset. On these occasions I too couldn't handle it and went back to picking up and co-sleeping. This is fine, just say I will try again in a couple of days. But after that first night of them actually falling asleep on their own you need to then be consistent and carry on with the method. Usually after day 3/4 you see a huge improvement, by day 7 you should be done. Some babies at 6 months may still need a night feed, by 8 months they should b able to go through the night so if you can handle it it may be worth holding on for a few months before starting

N4ish: from my experience with my own, she is so much happier now she is getting a good night's sleep and also b4 I was so tired, now I am full of energy and we enjoy our days together so much more.

Thanks all!

@Claire543210 its good to hear your experience so I may try some of those things. I keep putting it off as I'm dreading him being so upset but I need to do something soon!

I think my approach is going to have to be really gradual. DS has just come down with the most stinking snotty cold today too so is being very needy for cuddles and feeds!

Aww poor thing. My lo came down with a cold just as I was about to start the sleep training so delayed it until she was all better, when they're ill like you say they just want cuddles and comfort. I hope he feels better soon and when he is let us know how it's going.
I know how hard it is, people had told me many months before that I should be doing the sleep training but I just couldn't face it, it didn't seem right. I think it was a lot easier for me been the age she is because I could tell the difference between a I'm pissed off cry, I'm getting angry now cry and a really upset cry. I don't know if I could've done at 6 months so unfortunately I think you have it a lot harder.