Baby awake and inconsolable all night! FTM

[OliviaRain]

Looking for help and advice please as a first time mum who is finding it hard. My 9 day old baby doesn't sleep at all between midnight and 8am. I know babies require night feeds and didn’t expect a lot of sleep but I’m struggling to survive on 0 hours and at my wits end trying to console her. She breastfeeds for 25-30 mins, then I burp her and try to gently put her in her bedside crib and she starts to scream, look for the breast and the process starts again.

I already dread the nights and it makes me feel awful that I can’t console her other than by feeding - last night she fed 10 times. Even when I do manage to calm her she’s just wide awake and thrashing around. My husband is off work for a few more days to help out but then I’ll be on my own as he has a long drive to work and I know he will need the sleep.

Please can anyone offer any tips to get her to settle at night :( her screaching makes my heart break and I can’t cope with many more nights like this! TIA

Firstly a big hug. It's frigging hard and you're doing good.

Is she getting enough food? Would you consider trying a bottle of formula or pumping and vote feeding so you know hope much she's getting?

Any signs of reflux? Not just the sick etc but arching her back whilst she's s reaming vs curling her body inwards (I think that one is colic). Doc can give meds for reflux and you can buy colic meds in the shops but unsure on age.

Are you getting wind up? Does she look blue around the mouth once you think her wind is up?

How does she sleep in the day?

Have you tried white noise and a night light so she's not just pitched into dark silence?

And finally another hug cos sleep dep sucks

Might be acid burn, the milk with sooth the burn so it’s a cycle.

You need to prop up the cot so her head is higher than stomach at all times. This stops the acid reaching her throat.

Do it at nappy change etc

Try swaddling as well

You poor thing. Sleep deprivation is the.worst. There's a reason they use it for torture.
My first baby fed from 10pm-ish to 3am-ish every night for maybe 3 weeks? Apparently feeding at night initially is normal, boosts supply. That doesn't help when you are exhausted I know.
It will definitely settle down in a while. Things I think helped me were
a) get her out in daylight during the day. Black out room at night, i.e. encourage some differentiation of night day.
b) accept this is what it is for now and lean into it. Get yourself set up with water/snacks/phone etc and just go with it. It won't be forever and I swear I now miss the closeness of those night feeds when it was just me and her.
c) Google the fourth trimester. This saved my sanity. Explained why she needed to be on me constantly.
d) sleep when she sleeps. Easy to say I know but really, eating and feeding her have to be your only responsibility for a little while.
You're doing really well and you will get through it! xx

And as others said, keep an eye out for reflux symptoms...

Feed on demand- be careful introducing bottles this early as it could affect supply. Plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Weight gain? These are the only reliable indicators of supply. If you're concerned nappy output isn't enough then speak to a hv/midwife/ gp asap. Cluster feeding is normal and killer. My first fed all night too. Can you feed in the side lying position? Give it a go - means you can rest too. Your baby will want to sleep on you - this is normal. If you feed in the side lying position you may find co- sleeping the answer. I certainly did. It saves having to transfer the baby elsewhere which tends to be what wakes them and starts the whole vicious cycle again. This phase won't last forever! Good luck!

What are your thoughts on co sleeping? I didn’t need to with my first, she slept so well, but when I had dd2 and then dc3, it was what got me through. You can feed your baby while you are dozing and baby might fall asleep and not need to be moved once they’ve finished. You need to read up on it during the day, make sure you set up a safe sleeping space on your bed. This will be far safer than just ‘falling asleep in the bed with your baby because you are so exhausted’.

Does she have much wind? I don’t remember winding dc2 (who was my worst sleeper), he never brought anything up, so it wasn’t worth disturbing him once he was asleep. He also slept very badly on his back, but slept for much longer periods on his tummy.

I would check your baby is having enough wet nappies over the day though, to check they are transferring the milk adequately. If you are concerned or aren’t sure, ask your mw/hv or phone one of the breastfeeding advice lines for support. I saw an NCT lactation consultant and she was fantastic and saved my bf relationship with dc3.

Last thing, have you tried to swaddle her? I’m not sure it is recommended any more, but some babies do respond really well to being wrapped up firmly (dc3 settles so much better swaddled in a thin sheet).

Thank you so much for all the helpful replies.

Sleepingstandingup - not getting enough food has also been my main concern and I’ve been allowing her to feed as often as she wants in the hope it will boost my milk supply. I’ve also been trying to pump extra after she’s fed which last night we tried to give to her from firstly a cup which she wouldn’t take, and then from a syringe but about half if it came back up. Don’t want to try bottles just yet in case she prefers it over the boob!

I do wonder if it may be reflux - she definitely seems uncomfortable and it’s hard to say which way she is arching as she’s just all over the place but will look out for that tonight.

During the day she sleeps pretty much all day and I even have to wake her for regular feeds. We do have an Ollie the owl for white noise which I felt helped the first night after which the effect seemed to wear off, but we are persisting with it!

GreenTulips - we have propped up her cot which the midwife also suggested as she spits up occasionally. We were swaddling her from the day she was born but the swaddle comes loose every time she feeds and I found the re-swaddling was waking her up again I have considered buying a swaddle wrap with Velcro to stop it sliding off - don’t know if these are any good?

We are trying the night and day thing also, have music or tv on in the day and her basket is by the window so plenty of natural light. At night we keep it dark and try not to talk to her - am waiting for this to have an effect on her body clock!

KatnissK - she does have plenty of dirty or combined wet/dirty nappies and her weight gain is nearly back at her birth weight so I’m hoping it’s not supply, although am still doing everything I can to increase it. You hear people talk about how their boobs leak from being so full and I haven’t had this yet although they are noticeably full and emptier after a feed. I love to feed in the side lying position although I have found she brings up more spit after feeding this way - it seems like a viscous circle!

Maryann1975 - I’m a little nervous about co sleeping! We did resort to putting her between us in her sleepyhead yesterday which i vowed I wouldn’t do as I’m terrified of the SIDs risk. We slept without a duvet so no risk of it covering her face, but it still had me on edge to have her in the bed with us.

I’m confused on winding tbh. In the beginning I didn’t do it at all, but on about day 3 she started spitting up when lying in her cot so I started doing it after each feed. I can usually get one small burp out of her and then she gets crazy hiccups that go on for ages - I don’t know what this means?

Thanks again for all the responses I’m so glad I have found this community as feeling very helpless and emotional!

Burping takes at least 20 mins so don’t cut this out. Keep her upright on your shoulder and have a cup of tea!!

I would add I had twins and would burp them cross legged on the floor with one bend over my thigh while I fed the other - worked a treat!

Thanks for that tip Tulip, I def struggle to wind for long enough doing 2 feeds and bums that takes over an hour and feeding every 3 hours