2 year that refuses to go to bed HELP 😭

[Zombiemum10]

My 2 year old hasn’t been the greatest of sleepers but before now has been fine actually going to bed, usually about 8pm and asleep normally within 10 mins without fuss she then used to wake a couple of times within the night and we could normally settle her. But in the last couple of weeks she has started having an absolute meltdown when we take her to bed uncontrollably sobbing and screaming to go downstairs to the point where she is almost sick which has been lasting hours until eventually we give in and take her Down and she then falls asleep on the sofa. If that wasn’t draining enough she has then been waking between 3-4am again screaming to go downstairs I have been leaving her to cry but then usually give in around 5am as we also have a 6 year old and she has been waking him. I also work full time and am completely drained, I just wish I knew what has caused this dramatic change and how to solve it 😩😭 any help appreciated x

Is there something special she could have/do only at bedtime? My son is 100% too old for milk at bedtime (he was 2 in Nov), but he loves it and excitedly goes to bed knowing he can have it (I brush his teeth after) so I'm in no rush to get rid of it.

When she wakes at 5 would she be willing to resettle if she had a cuddle with you in your bed?

Sorry, when she wakes at 3*

My newly turned 3 year old has just been/is coming out of this phase.
While he will sleep once down, getting his down I horrible!
We've had the same routine forever but suddenly he added another potty visit, he wanted an extra story, wanted me to lie in bed with him, wanted me to summarize my day, wanted me to sit and hold his hand until he fell asleep etc.
It's just a battle. It got to the point where I stopped doing bedtime at all which was hard cos he wanted me, but it was much quicker and easier if DH did it. That helped break the habit I suppose.
DH was thinking it might be about them realising that you do stuff when they go to bed and feeling like they're missing out/not included, so he started telling DS what we would be doing like "well mammy and daddy will have our tea, then we need to sort out some washing/tidy up and go to bed".
Obviously it's a power play as well which is just very difficult at this age.

Ugh you poor thing. It might just be a phase, if she’s about to do a developmental thing.

When she falls asleep downstairs, can you transfer her to her own bed without her waking? Or would she (if you can cope) sleep in your bed for a while so that you can get sleep.

I have to admit whilst working ft, I have always gone path of least resistance so everyone can keep functioning. Then addressed the bad habits later.

What I would suggest you do need is a consistent plan that ideally doesn’t involve her screaming for hours and that you don’t have to think about too much, I always find it impossible to make decisions when I’m that tired. So it might be, she wakes, you try to settle for a given amount of time, she doesn’t settle, you bring her downstairs and then transfer back. Downstairs time though should be dark, quiet and dull, no stories, no toys, just repeated, sleepy time now. Maybe a song.
I found the rocking chair great for this.
You might not want to listen to me tho, mine are still often in our bed at 2&4.
Best of luck.

Oh like someone else said, new pyjamas with a whole story about how they are special jammies that mean she will sleep all night sometimes help...

Thanks for the replies!

In the past putting her in our bed normally worked but now she doesn’t want to be in any bed she just screams to be downstairs and as I said it’s uncontrollable sobs that’s quite distressing for both of us. She also screams for the parent who isn’t putting her to bed.

Last night we gave in a lot earlier taking her downstairs (probably as we are both completely exhausted) took her down at 9pm and she was asleep on the sofa and yes we are able to transfer her to her own bed with out her waking so last night felt like a bit of a result as previous nights it has been 12- 1am before we are actually getting her in bed asleep.

The other issue is the waking at 4am again she goes hysterical until I take her down stairs if been trying to put her in our bed so I can at least get another hour but she just screams and cry’s the entire time.

She also still has a dummy & milk for bed and had even started refusing those it’s like she knows they make her fall asleep and screams if I attempt to give them to her 🤯

Another thing to check, is she still napping? If so maybe it's time to stop? If not then I really don't know sorry!!

Yes she still naps I have recently cut it down to an hour but difficult to monitor this as I work mon-fri so she is with nursery grandparents x

Is she overtired even with a nap perhaps?

I’m useless with all this stuff. My third child is two years old and has slept one night not in my bed. He also has never napped and is rarely sleepy before 9pm when he was younger and not hurtling around as much it was closer to midnight.

The only thing I do know is they sense your desperation like sniffer dogs. I find it less stressful to sleep with him when he is ready for bed rather than spend hours everY night up ad down parting sushi ng and getting hysterical. I need to eat, to tidy up and all those others things, as long as he’s happy playing truthfully it doesn’t bother me.

He seems to only need about 10 hours sleep as he is up and full of smiles by 7 at the latest.