Crying on my Bday- 15 month old awake for hours, never slept through!

[Elopelo]

Long time lurker here. Today I turn 29 and I have started my day sitting here in tears. I know there are so many threads from so many struggling parents but would really appreciate even one reply.

I am struggling with my 15 month old DS sleep right now. He was formula fed and has been on cow's milk since 12 months. Was night weaned at 13 months. Has a dummy.

He has:
Never slept through the night.
Been through so many difficult sleep stages, first major one was at 7 months when he woke up every 2 hours on the dot.

Current issue which has existed since he was around 9 months is around 2 or 3 times a week, he will wake up in the middle of the night wide awake ready to party and play. Of course I'm glad he is not in any pain or screaming but he is absolutely wide awake wanting to climb, talk, babble, laugh.... nothing we do gets him back to sleep quickly and it takes on average 2 hours sometimes 3 for him to go to sleep again. This used to happen every other day, one night like this would be followed by a decentish night (he would still wake up multiple times but would fall asleep again maybe within 5-10 minutes).

However this mid night partying has now taken place for the last 3 consecutive nights! Friday night awake from 12.00-2.15am, Saturday night from 1.00-4.00am and today from 4.00-6.00am.

I have absolutely no clue what to do any more. Most times I cry about this, sometimes I try to laugh about it... I have tried everything I can possibly think of, earlier bed times, late bed times co sleeping, etc.

I just feel like giving up, there always seems to be some issue with his sleep. The developmental leaps have come and gone. He has been walking for around a month. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I worry its always going to be like this, that it won't get better. I don't mind a few wake ups in the night if he settles quickly I could cope with that, but this is starting to hurt a lot! OH is supportive and helps out when he can but he works full time and gets up for work at 5.45am so I can't expect him to help out all night long. On top of that on particularly bad nights it can cause arguments between us because we are both so exhausted. This is our first child and we are both finding it very tough at the moment. My OH isn't British and was bought up in a culture where there are no bedtime routines for babies nor is there any concept of sleep training so the current routine I have for DS is something that I have really had to fight for. We are currently living with my parents while we try to save up and I am incredibly grateful that I do have family around to help out.

DS current routine is as follows:

9.00 wake up, breakfast, play
11.30 bottle
12.00 nap usually 1.30 hours sometimes 2
1.30 wake up, lunch, play
8.30 bedtime routine and bottle
9.00 sleep in cot... he self settles and usually sleeps well until me and OH come in the room around 10.30-11.00.
First wake up is usually around 12am, settles within a few minutes but won't go back in cot, this habit started about a month ago so he comes into our bed.
Then as per the last 3 nights he wakes up any time for hours on end.

I know this is a late bedtime but I have really had to fight for it with OH and family, they think I'm putting him to bed too early which is why I'm having these problems.

I have also had a suggestion from others that I should drop naps altogether but this seems a very young age to do so?

The best he ever slept was when he was 11 months and was sleeping straight for 7-8 hours. I was giving him Weetabix before bed but now he just spits it straight out.

This is seriously winding me down. I work part time as a teacher and am on the verge of quitting.

I feel like a rubbish parent that I must be doing something terribly wrong. DS has been fast asleep since 6am, as above he usually wakes up around 9am but today he is knocked out and still asleep. Any routine I have for him is just starting to get destroyed.

Will it always be like this?

My baby is a lot younger than yours - only 5 months. But we have a super similar issue - he wakes up around 2:30/3am and is WIDE awake! Not crying or anything, just smiling away like it's the morning. It's impossible to get him back to sleep so I just have to wait it out. Which can takes hours However I did a bit of research and read something really interesting. Apparently melatonin is the hormone that makes us sleepy in the evening, and cortisol is the hormone that wakes us up in the morning. Around 3 hours before morning time, our bodies release cortisol, but the problem is when babies don't have enough melatonin in their system and so when the cortisol kicks in they just wake right up. Ways to increase melatonin are lots of sunlight during the day, no screens in the evening, start dimming down lights an hour or so before you start bedtime routine. Also apparently banana and milk are foods that increase melatonin too. The key is to get their melatonin levels super high and the cortisol won't wake them fully up at 2:30 in the morning! Only just read this in the last day or so, so can't tell you if it's a miracle cure but might be worth reading into.

Put him in his own room and move his bedtime earlier by a little bit each day. He's waking up and seeing you and wants to play. He needs to be in a dark, quiet room with no distractions.

Ds 22 months has just started this again, but I'm not sure if it's a sign he's unwell again because he did this at the beginning of December before the slap cheek appeared.

He's sitting up, smiling and moaning and then crying. I gave up the other night, went to sleep on the sofa while he watched Justin house. The he stood by the door crying to go back to bed.
My mind just like yours I guess is all over the place.

I have to always rem that ds is a person just like me and sometimes they have issues sleeping for no reason.

I am sorry I can't help, but just wanted to say I feel your pain. DS is 11 months and currently waking every 90 minutes. He needs bf so even though DH is willing to help, he can't really. (Obviously he doesn't NEED bf, but when we tried night weaning he was up for 2 hours each time). All I can say is this is DC2 and it does eventually get better. Hopefully others can give you some more practical tips!

I know it’s not what you want to hear but it is very normal, been going through the same with my 18 months old for a month. We also went thought it at around 9 months. As she is in her own room we just leave her in her cot and let her fall back asleep, if she seems quite unsettled we give her milk. I’m not worried at all about creating bad habits, if the odd night feeding works we do it. She has got every development leap, regression you name it. I’ve just come to accept it. I work full time so try and be in bed for nine to catch up on sleep - she goes to bed at seven. Hope this phase ends soon

Thank you everyone for your replies. Really appreciate it. I don't mean this in a vindictive way but it gives me some comfort knowing I'm not the only one going through this. Its just on bad nights you feel alone and totally fed up!

@hodgepodge21 I never knew that about Melatonin/Cortisol... I'm going to try the things you mentioned and let you know how I get on.

@peachgreen I really wish I had the opportunity to put DS in his own room, I agree he knows we are there and plays up accordingly. As we are living with parents atm, space is tight. We are hoping to move out in around 6 months but I hope I don't have to wait that long for his sleep to settle!

Again thanks everyone and I hope all our babies settle into a nice night routine and stop these midnight parties.

Last night thank God was quiter compared to previous nights. I'm not sure if that was because DS didn't have his usual nap instead he fell asleep in the buggy for 20 minutes or so around 4pm?

Both my DS are crap sleepers and it is shit. No getting around that! DS1 has done it all, refusing to go to bed, waking at 4am for the day, waking up between 1am and 3am every night for months, waking up every 90 minutes etc etc.

I'd love to say I found a magic solution but I haven't. A couple of things that have helped me cope:

1. I'd be trying for an earlier bed time only because I think you need some downtime in the evening. If you're up half the night as well as looking after them in the day it just all gets too much. You need to lay it on the line with DH, tell him you're not coping and something has to change. If he wants to stick with the 9pm bedtime then you are going off duty at 7pm and he deals with baby thereafter. Go out/sit somewhere else if you have to but I think just having that down time will help.

2. DH needs to give you lie ins/naps on the weekends. When you have a bad sleeper you have to try and catch up somewhere.

3. he's still pretty young to try dropping a nap so I'd keep it but maybe try limiting him to an hour after lunch for a few days and see what happens? It may be that with a 9pm bedtime his current nap is too early and so he's overtired by bedtime?

4. assuming he's in your room can you take one side off the cot so it forms a sort of extension to your bed? Then you can be cuddling/resettling more easily.

I know it's tough but it does pass. I'm in the eye of the storm with DS2 now but it's easier this time because I know you can get through it. This too shall pass!

@Sunshinegirl82 Thank you for your reply and sharing your experiences. With two little ones it must be even tougher. Can I ask at what age your DS started to get a bit better with sleep? I worry my one will grow up always having this problem!

Thanks for all your tips it would be nice to have the evenings to myself especially on school nights!

Sorry posted too soon!

Yes in desperation I bought a single bed and have pushed it right across our double bed, sometimes in the middle of the night I try to put him down on there. It's been a bit hit and miss so far.

And today I only allowed him to sleep for an hour so let's see how the night goes!

I would say from 2 onwards things improved. He dropped his nap and so bed times got easier.

He's 3.5 now and we still stay with him until he goes to sleep but he sleeps in his own bed all night bar illness or bad dreams. Even then he will usually settle quickly if we take him into bed with one of us (my DH normally co-sleeps with him in the spare room).

He's still an early riser but overall he's loads better than he was.

I honestly believe the key to surviving shit sleepers is to let go of your expectations on sleep (it just makes you feel rubbish that your baby isn't doing what you expected/other people's baby's are doing/what the books say) and do what you need to do to survive. It seems interminable at the time but it does get easier.