How do I start a bedtime routine?!

[forevercurious]

I feel totally clueless with when how and if I should be starting a bedtime routine. DS is only four weeks so I appreciate he won’t be in a proper routine yet however when is the best time to implement one?

Currently he stay downstairs with us in the evenings, lights are dimmed etc and when he tends to fall asleep I tend to take him up to bed. However he will then usually wake up as I put him in his crib and wants feeding / changing etc which adds another hour on by the time he’s asleep!

I’m thinking we should be doing a bath / feed / bed routine however, when I put him to bed does he just stay downstairs with us? I don’t feel comfortable with him being upstairs alone yet. Also recently once he’s asleep and put down he wakes up after a few minutes. Although we used a swaddle and white noise to help with this but don’t tend to in the day as it seems harder. Should I be continuing to cuddle him to sleep?

Any help or advice would be appreciated as I feel so clueless about this and don’t know where to begin!

Read up on the fourth trimester. Your baby doesn’t need a bedtime routine yet.

Babies should sleep in the same room as parents, including naps, for 6 months. So yes, keep him down stairs unless you are going to bed too.

Ds1 started a routine at around 5 months I think. One day, he fell asleep around 6pm and stayed asleep for a few hours. I took my cue from that and started tailoring the day towards a 6pm bedtime. It gradually got later, but not for a good 6 months or so.

At that stage we did bath/top and tail. Sleepsuit, story then BF. He'd fall to sleep feeding. Oh I also had a music/light mobile thing that I put on.

It is very early to be expecting a bedtime routine. I started both my DDs at around 8 weeks. We tried to aim for a 7pm ish bottle and so used to do bath, massage, bottle, bed for around that time.

Prior to that I kept them downstairs with me and then took them up when we went to bed

From 8 weeks we put our DS to bed on his own after a feed at about 8pm. His bed was still next to ours but we were downstairs with the monitor. Unless he was crying we would read to him and then leave him to go to sleep.

At 5.5 months we moved him into his own room. Somewhere between 8 weeks and 5.5 months his final feed pushed earlier and earlier so he would have his feed at 6pm then bed for a story and left to go to sleep. We would feed him when we came to bed around 9-10 too.

Now my ds is almost 1 and has a bottle at 6pm, story and then is usually asleep by 7pmuntil 6am.

I know we’re very lucky to have a good sleeper, he did used to wake a lot in the night for feeds. At about 4 months my husband and I swapped so the baby was next to him so when he woke up he didn’t get milk straight away which helped him drop some of his night feeds, and then from putting him in his own room he pretty much slept through.

We don’t do a bath every night but if we do it’s after dinner rather than before bed, so it’s not really part of the bedtime routine.

For now I wouldn’t worry about it for a few more weeks. It’s tough putting the baby to bed on their own, but the hour you get back to yourself is worth it!

From 8 weeks we put our DS to bed on his own after a feed at about 8pm. His bed was still next to ours but we were downstairs with the monitor.

Had you not heard of SIDS?

The SIDS guidance is because it is thought that hearing a parent breathe prevents baby from sleeping so deeply that they can’t wake up. A monitor does nothing to mitigate that risk when you aren’t there.

@needanexpert yes of course, we had a monitor with a sensor mat etc. There’s as much chance of SIDS putting the baby upstairs to bed as if they were napping whilst you went to the loo/ put some washing away. Unfortunately a new mum cannot be sat next to a sleeping baby 24/7 and get things done/keep sane. It is up to the parents to risk assess and manage that risk.

I suspect your baby was alone while you were downstairs enjoying your evening for a lot longer than if you had gone to the loo.

When you are advising someone else, and you know you went against guidance, don’t you think you should mention that?

I know exactly what it’s like having a newborn. My husband worked away and i had no family within 350 miles. It was all down to me. And yet my baby never slept in a room on her own.

Thankyou for the quick replies, to clarify I am not expecting to start a routine straight away but do think we would benefit from a little structure to our evenings perhaps. I thrive on routine and organisation so although I am following my babies lead on sleeping / eating and everything else I am looking forward to introducing a routine in the future it’s just knowing when. Some people say they done a bedtime routine from day one, others suggest 6-8 weeks and then most of the responses here suggest even later. I’m finding it hard to know what to do for the best.

Also, I wouldn’t leave baby upstairs sleeping alone for the evening. We do have a video monitor and sensor mat (neither are set up yet) but even so I am following all of the SIDS guidance and he sleeps in the room we are in. Although is his occasionally left for a minute or two so I can go to the toilet, sort out my step daughter etc.

We started bath, feed and bed as soon as felt up to it. We were often do tired that we went to bed at same time as baby

Gradually got our evening back!

Baby usually went up between 6 and 7pm.