I can't do it anymore

[WTFdidwedo]

I'm finally at the end of my tether. I have a 20 month old and a just turned 3 year old. I have spent about 3 hours every single evening for three years trying to get them to sleep pretty much. I have tried routines, wearing them out, reading 19 stories, star projectors, mediation music, white noise toys, white noise on my phone, different people doing bedtime, feeding them til they burst, not feeding them too late, bathtime, no bathtime, total darkness, lights, bigger beds, smalller beds, pillows, in bed together etc etc etc etc etc. Literally nothing changes. The eldest has slept all night in her bed about three times. The youngest has never. They sleep for a maximum of two hours in their rooms before waking. If they go to sleep in our bed initially they still wake constantly - the youngest to breastfeed and the eldest just to randomly shout or ask for a drink.

My husband and I are shift workers so we work our shifts around childcare. I do one day and two nights a week and am home by midnight. He's normally managed to get the eldest off and the youngest is asleep in his arms. She wakes as soon as I get home to feed. Whenever I'm working she is horrendously clingy the following day. He gets home anytime between 2pm and 8pm. The evening's he's home late I'm normally ready to throttle them.

I cannot get the two of them to sleep when I have them by myself. He does a solid week of 7pm-7am every three months so I have no choice. They end up not sleeping til they drop at 11pm.

I really dislike parenting, I know that's an awful thing to say, but I went part time to spend more time with them and I actually think it's been worse for them as I'm just a short horrible twat around them. I hate my job as well so that's probably not helping.

I'm not even sure what help I am seeking, more just a rant than anything.

TLDR how the fuck do you get two children under 3 to sleep solo when they fucking hate it?

I totally sympathise with you I reached the end yesterday when I spent 2.5 of my evening sitting with a 3&5 year old until they fell asleep. I lost it and shouted " JUST GO TO SLEEP!"

It's so fucking hard, I'm a single parent so have no choice but to do it myself but honestly there's been some nights I've felt like getting up and walking out of the house.

I obviously have no advice because I've been doing this for forever and haven't had any luck (mine even wake in the night) I'd say it gets easier but it hasn't for me oh and I am begging to dislike parenting too I think we all feel like at some stage, hang in there they might suprise you one night.

2.5 hours

Appreciate the solidarity! Just so bloody hard isn't it, and to be single parent I take my hat off to you, I can't imagine!

No helpful tips just a post to say I know how you feel!!!!
Having a convo with friends about winning the lottery recently and my absolute number one purchase would be a night nanny. I fantasise about handing them over to someone else from 7pm-7am I’d be a flipping awesome mum if I could do that.
Just as they’d brought me to the brink last night and I was ready to phone SS and ask them to take them away my 3yo says ‘I want you to stay with me cos I love you so much’ lucky she’s cute like that or she wouldn’t have survived this long.

I feel your pain. However if they 'drop' at 11pm - it could be worse, you'll still have a decent night's sleep. Mine was always awake until at least ten, we just got used to it. We'd carry him up to his bed, asleep. A couple of hours later he'd come into our room and slide in between us.

It doesn't last forever though so take heart.

Thanks all. They normally drop by 11 but the youngest feeds constantly through the night, especially when I've been at work so I end up not sleeping as there's 4 of us in a double bed kicking each other.

I also can't get anything done in the house as the opposite shift situation means we only have about 8 hours together as a family a week, and I have no time to myself at all as I'm looking after them from 7am until 11pm, with 24 hours out of the house for work (which is also stressful). It's just wearing me down so much. I feel like the new decade has really woken me up to it as well as my eldest was born in 2016 and these years have just completely disappeared with me achieving nothing except having two children who are miraculously still alive. I barely leave the house, I have no hobbies and I probably see friends about 3 times a year. It's just so relentless!

Oh bless you, your 20 month old is ready to be weaned off night feeds. Gradually.

It does sound relentless but you're far from alone, there will be many people on here who have been through the same or are going through it. Some will be able to suggest things for you to try which will be helpful and then, suddenly, you'll find it has all ceased. It's like that with kids.

It doesn't last forever though so take heart.

As much as I'm in the thick of it atm I have to agree with this line 👆🏼 I also have 3 teenagers 17,17 (not twins) and 15, I had 3 under 3 and that was so damn hard but it really doesn't last forever and before you know it and without realising it they stop needing you to get them asleep and stop slipping into your bed for a cuddle. I don't remember when it stopped but I know it was years ago they grow fast, saviour it. ( I need to remember this when I'm going out of my mind at 7pm tomorrow night or when the 3 year old calls out tonight for me tonight)

Any chance you could borrow some money from family for a sleep consultant? Have you thought about gentle night weaning? Could your husband sleep in your older DC bed if it’s a full size single so you’re not all as squashed.

In the nicest possible way... you need to help them learn how to sleep. Sleep train your youngest. Stop BF in the night. He'll soon get over it. You can still BF morning/evening or whenever suits. But nights will improve massively. As for your eldest... gate at the door? He has to learn to sleep in his bed. Or your DH could sleep in his room for a few nights to catch him early when he tries to come to you. Put a drink on his bedside table. He doesn't have to shout for a drink at 3.

I have a 3 year old and 2 20 month olds. I would have died of exhaustion had I not been strict.