Hi all, I have never posted to MN before, but have read many threads and posts on here both before our DS was born and since his birth in Oct 2018.
The reason I am posting is to ask for help/advice/suggestions about how to improve the situation we're in. I have read similar topics but not one directly linked to my situation.
My OH has 3 kids from another relationship and I moved into their house about a month before our DS was born. She has BF all of her children for periods between 12-16 months and she is still BF our DS and he is 14 months old now. The problem is though, I can't see an end in sight and it's having a big impact on our relationship. As much as I support BF, I feel it is going on too long and unnecessary at this point in my opinion. She says she will stop when baby is ready to stop, but how long is that going to be? She BF at varies times during day and night, but much more at night as DS sees it as a comfort when his is teething, or if he wakes up, which is does often when I come to bed because we are still co-sleeping and have done since DS was born.
The reason it is affecting our relationship is because of tiredness and a complete lack of intimacy. We haven't been intimate more than twice since DS was born and she doesn't seem to be bothered by it, but it is bothering me. Whenever I mention it she says things like 'it well get better over time' or 'its just a phase' but it's really bothering me and to be honest i really dread bedtimes now because i know DS will wake up and then cling to my OH while she BFs and have to settle DS again. He actually sleeps really well, but he instinctly wakes up every 2-3 hours for BFing and I can't see an end to this cycle unless we move him into the cot. But as we have a busy family with 6 of us in the house, and baby's cot in the same room as us, and with me getting home late from work every night at 7.30pm, I can see getting a regular routine in place will be challenging. The kids aren't exactly quiet in the evening as they are young (13, 11 and 9) until they settle at about 9/9.30pm. Our current routine is that we have dinner together at about 7.30/8pm and then I spend time with the baby downstairs (usually on my own) while my OH goes upstairs to sleep at about 8.30 and then I get baby to sleep and come upstairs at about 10pm to put baby in our bed. He usually wakes up then as the motion of lowering him always wakes him up, at which point my OH BF him back to sleep and then I usually get into bed at the same time, sometimes a bit later. My partner is happy to continue to co sleep but I can't stand it now, and my family and friends keep telling me how odd it is that we don't have our DS in his own cot. My sister even suggested that my OH is doing it do she doesn't have to have sex with me, which I thought was very cruel and I know that's not the case. I have told my OH that unless we work together on this and dedicate the next few weeks/months to get our DS into a better sleep routine I feel our relationship will just crumble and I don't want that to happen, and nor does she. I know there are several self help books and videos out there but I am struggling a bit with my OH and her ways.