3 year old now getting up to come to our bed

[Idolovechocolategimmygimmy]

I'm thinking I need to nip this in the bud quickly and would appreciate any advice. I took my daughter who has just turned 3, away to visit family (just the 2 of us as husband was working) for a week. Trouble is I drove all that way and forgot her travel bed. So she ended up sleeping with me for the first time in her life. Home now and you guessed it, she is afraid of sleeping on her own now. After a lot of effort getting her into her own bed, she ran through in the middle of the night scrambling desperately up to our bed so I had a rough night with knees and feet kicking and digging into me never mind her random moaning. Eek. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thanks everyone.

You will have to explain that there's not enough room in your bed and Mummy couldn't sleep properly and the she needs to sleep in her own bed. Failing that put a stair gate across her door. A good night light helps with the dark, my DD has Owlet and Skye!

Thanks for your reply. She's been up 7 times so far no matter how many times I've told her she has to sleep in her own bed. She said she's scared of monsters. So we drew a picture of a monster and wrote no monsters allowed and stuck it on her door and I told her the monsters can't get set that sign. I think it's an excuse though. It's because she's slept with me for the past week and now she doesn't want to sleep on her own. Oh dear! I now have the door ajar and a light on in the house so hopefully she will feel ore secure. I think she will sleep now (hopefully) by I also think she will wake in the night again. Arghhhh!

I mean monsters can't get past the si*gn

I have found the simplest way is to take the path of least resistance. They won't still be doing it age 15. of they need you at night for a while, well that's what parenting is all about. I write this from my bed with my 7 year old sleeping next to me. Dh will carry him through to his bed when he comes up later, he may stay the night there, he may come back. But mostly once he's asleep he can be carried through and left of his own bed.

Stair gate? To barricade her in? That is cruel.

I agree that the path of least resistance is best here. She’s obviously scared (why are adults allowed to sleep next to people but children are not?? This always baffles me).

Can you set up a mattress in her room? And you lay down with her until she drops off and then go to your bed? Or put her mattress in your room next to your bed so she can sleep there?

@MustardScreams

I agree that the path of least resistance is best here. She’s obviously scared (why are adults allowed to sleep next to people but children are not?? This always baffles me).

Indeed. My DS (4yo) comes into our bed most nights at some point - he hates waking up by himself. I don't see what the problem is 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can't sleep with my 3 year old in our bed. And a over tired mum is good for absolutely no one. When my older child went through this we out a cot mattress under our bed and he could come in and sleep on that but not in our bed. It's ok to count too! My current 3 year old went through a phase of being afraid of going to sleep alone so I tell her I'll come back in one minute if she stays in bed quietly. Then slowly I stretch out the time. With my older child I used to lie on his floor until he fell asleep but it meant having no evening and I'm not going down that road again.

She is just unsettled after the trip. A week is a long time when you are 3.
Bring her back to her own room each time if possible. It won't take long to get her back to the old routine.

Maggie and the Monster is a lovely (quite old now - can't believe how expensive it is) book which I think would be really useful - the monster is as scared as Maggie and totally harmless. Your library might have it or be prepared to order it.

My youngest would get into our bed until he was about 5 - but so silently I'd only be dimly aware and then he would sleep like a log so it was fine. If yours is a thrasher-about it's harder to just try and live with.

I am
Another for path of least resistance.

We all start off in our own beds, but then the little ones come to snuggle in the night.

I hate the idea of them being worried and alone in bed, as an adult a cuddle always makes me feel better.

And I am sure I won't be on my deathbed wishing I had cuddled my little DC less...

How would you feel about you sleeping in her room? Sleeping bag, or a single mattress for comfort, something like that? For one or two nights. Does she have a sleepy time cuddly? A teddy who can tell her he wants her to stay in her cosy bed because he gets so cold when she gets out of bed?
Can you try wearing her out during the day, lots of extra activity, jumping, walking, swimming etc and a warm milk and cuddle to sleep.
Make sure she has emptied her bladder and leave a low light on.

Fingers crossed this is just a blip....

I always found the path of least resistance sounded great when I was first woken in the night and just got worse after that.
Ending up with everyone tired and grumpy.
Working on sleep hygiene, so good food, exercise, bath, book, nightlight, music or audio. Followed by a quick cuddle and returned to bed each time they got up was the only long term solution that worked for us.

I mean monsters can't get past the sign

Also, as I used to tell DS, no monsters will come because the biggest meanest monster of all lives in the house...... ME!

(this used to make him laugh like crazy)

Thanks so much for your replies. Like someone said, I hope it's just a blip and she'll settle back into a routine. Maybe I'm just paranoid that it's going to set her up for the next few years. I'm expecting baby 2 in a few months so it's important to me to have her in a good routine before the next one comes so we can all function a bit better. Less resistance is interesting I will definitely take that on board. I was persevering trying to remind her this is her bed, here are your friends (cuddly toys) who will look after you. And sitting with her and soothing her etc. She's settled now but tomorrow I'll try and tire her out more. Maybe I'll brave a visit to soft play eek!! She is so active though I doubt it'll make a difference! I don't have a single mattress but if after a few days she doesn't improve I may consider getting one and staying in her room. Alternatively she has her travel bed I can make up in ours but I think it's better to be in her room to show her it's a safe place.

Haha I told her that the monsters are scared of mummy and daddy so she is safe at home with us. And I took her round all the rooms and cupboards to let her see that nothing was there. Although I do like that the parents are the biggest monsters in the house!

By the way I say she's settled but that may only last a couple of hours. In fact she's stirring already..... maybe I jinxed it!!

When my 3 year old does this i won't allow him in our bed as there isn't enough space for 3 to sleep comfortably. Instead one of us will take him back to his bed and lay with him until he is asleep. Although it does help massively that he also has a double bed so one of us can fall asleep next to him in his own bed if required.

I still let my 5 year old do this. I'll admit it's not ideal, but we have a big enough bed that her, my husband, and I can all get a decent nights sleep. Or maybe I've just got used to it, and forgot what proper sleep feels like.

I'd say she'll probably grow out of it if you're willing to be patient

Patient is the word toxic! I just put her to bed for the third time. She can't sleep with me she kicks me, elbows me etc. At one point she had her feet on my face. Make that four times she just got up as I was writing this. I'm pregnant and having Terrible restless sleep so tonight I have gone into the spare room so I don't disturb my DH. I have just heard her go to him now and he's caved and put her in bed. We are having a lot of issues with her behaviour just now and she will only have me so I think he's caved because he's getting some affection from her for a change! Omg I hope she snaps out of this. Argh!

Yep you need to nip this in the bud and return her to her bedroom each time she does it. Maybe a reward chart and prize if she doesn't attempt to get into your bed

I was another who used a stair gate across their bedroom door. It had been hard to get a gate to fit the top of our stairs properly so it was originally for that reason. It also had the effect of stopping this sort of thing from taking hold. The potty was in their room at night if they needed the toilet, and there was a night light. Not cruel at all.

I think here though you are just going to have to be consistent and firm about taking child back to their own bed every time until they get the message. I certainly couldn't have slept with mine in our bed when they were small. They were lively sleepers and tossed around all the time, ending the night in some very interesting positions.

She's only 3. Of course she wants to sleep with you. My dc always started off in their own bed but often climbed in with us at night. Mostly we let them.
As you're expecting again I can see why you want to get a routine back.
Unfortunately if you don't have your dd back in her own bed before baby arrives then it will be much harder to enforce as presumably baby will be with you.
In that scenario I would just go with the flow for a while although they are little starfish. My dgs is 7 and loves sleeping with granny and grandad and he lies sideways most nights!

I have a just turned 3yo and new baby due imminently and had the exact same behaviour after a trip away in Dec. Admittedly we do cosleep, me and DS in superking because I am also a terrible sleeper but I NEED that hours between 18.30 and 23.00 for him to stay in bed. I'm a SAHM and just need to not be mummy for a few hours to stay sane.
He suddenly became terrified of the dark and refusing to settle and wanting me to lie with him (which I havent done for 1.5 years), keeps speaking about monsters. We have had to be really firm, which is difficult because I never know whether he actually needs the toilet or is just wanting up. We put him to bed at 6.30 since he dropped his nap as if its after 7 he is overtired and theres more drama and tears. He can get up to the toilet but straight back to bed and no chatting. I didnt want to leave the door open or use a night light as he is very light sensitive and never sleeps very deeply when theres light getting in. So my DH bought him a tiny little plastic torch that he can turn on himself and then I nip in about 20 mins later to turn off. It seems to give him a bit of confidence to sleep himself.

I'm not a fan of the gate across the door personally, I want him to be able to nip to loo when he needs and he has never used a potty. I think for my DS it would really set him back not being able to immediately get to the toilet when he needs to. However he is more of a cryer in bed than a sneak out of bed child at the moment so can understand why other parents choose to do that.

Why can't she sleep in your bed?