2 1/2 year toddler - moved house/holiday - big sleep problems - HELP

[Glghelp]

Long term mumsnet lurker since our little one was born, now in desperate need of advice. We moved to our ‘forever home’ mid November and LO seemed so excited, loved her new room (everything else is the same - bed/ mattress/ quilt and covers/ night light etc etc) a few night wake ups but was going back to sleep herself - prior to moving from being 11 months old in general she was sleeping 7pm-6/7am.
Two weeks after our move husband and I went away for 4 days without LO who stayed in our home with her grandparents- all was ok apart from a few early mornings. Once we arrived home from the trip we have not had a solid nights sleep in a month. Waking at least twice in the night and needing us to sit with her for her to fall asleep. She says things like ‘don’t leave mummy’ ‘stay here’ ‘don’t go’

We tried the tough approach the first few nights but always ended in her uncontrollably crying, not even getting to her door before she was back or of bed, we had an evening she made herself sick because we left the room and tried to stay out for 5 minutes. So we went to a soft approach of sitting a couple of feet from her bed until she fell asleep - with no engagement, then leaving the room, the night wake ups range from 2 - 4/5 times a night, she’s waking and instantly crying and going to her gate on her door and shouting / screaming for us, no attempt to settle herself anymore. So we walk her back into bed and sit until she sleeps again. We have had countless nights sleeping on her floor because of the amount of wake ups and are now both full of cold and exhausted, as is she. The day time emotions and tantrums have grown due to her tiredness and the vicious circle is continuing. Day time naps are hit and miss at home and nursery now so this isn’t helping the tiredness. Previously she was having around 1 hour.
Nighttime routine is exactly as before we moved home, back from nursery, dinner, short play, bath, pj’s, story and cup of milk on our bed then teeth clean and bed for cuddle and a couple of nursery rhymes together before kiss and good night just before 7pm.

Not sure what to do anymore and it’s really made moving home an extra stressful time never mind Christmas being exhausting minus sleep.

Any thoughts please let me know- is it time to go tough? Or are the anxieties just going to take a long time to allay..........

Anyone, please.....

Bump

That sounds hard. I'm sorry you haven't had replied. I don't know how to help (my three year old still wakes frequently), but here's a bump. Does she settle easily with you in the room? It sounds like she wants reassurance so I wouldn't go tough yet - but I'm generally a soft touch like that.

I can't help I'm afraid, as my 2 1/2 yo is the same, following though in hope someone may come along who can help! Good luck 👍

My nearly 3 year old ends up in our bed every night- screams uncontrollably if I don't physically pick him up from his bed and take him into ours. Sorry can't be of more use! Hoping he might just grow out of it!

Sounds like it isn’t so unusual as I thought - not sure if that makes me feel better or worse! I’m just so worried how long it’s going to go on for and I’m home alone a few nights per week with husband working away. Looks like there isn’t much for me to try and just have to ride it out.....

If I were you I’d allow her access to your room (especially when dh is away) make sure the stairs etc are gated, but clear the route to you.

I think this is normal, she’s had a lot going on and It’s unsettling to be in a new environment and she didn’t have you/dh to get comfort from.

So id allow her to sneak in with you for a while, then gradually take her back to her bed as she grows in confidence

My ds (he’s a 6’ teen now) wanted to sneak in with me a lot at that age, and in the end I’d say that he could come in at weekends but not during the week etc, it did take a couple of “No, it’s a week day, we need to go back to your bed” and he was a little tearful, but we both slept better that way and there were cuddles at the weekend.

I miss the sneak in days :)

This will pass lovely, I know it feels like a disaster and an eternity, but just tell her what you can offer and when during the daytime so she’s not already stressed etc and then you can hopefully find a way to getting her to be more reasonable

My friend said the same thing happened to her: she was a good sleeper but her parents went away on holiday and after that someone had to hold her hand all night! She can't remember it - her parents told her . So it s not too unusual.

Mine had moments like that. What we did was bring her mattress to our room for the first week or so till she got accustomed to the house before moving her back to her bedroom. I suspect it was easier for us than it was for others though.

Mine did this after the combination of a long haul flight and staying (without us) with grandparents. We would have no issue with her being in our bed except that she doesn’t sleep and just bounces about with excitement. We put her back to bed told her it was bedtime, set a timer for 1 minute, repeat, set timer for 2 minutes, then 3, then 4. Never needed the 5 minutes and she was sleeping through again in 3 nights. There was crying in between though so appreciate that’s not for everyone. Alternatively you could get an extra mattress and put it on the floor of her room so you could sleep there- at least it would be more comfortable!

Thank you everyone for your replies. I’m currently camped on the landing outside her room so have made that move after starting last night and all went ok, hoping she will fall asleep shortly tonight also.
Waking wise last night was the first time since all this started she slept through after needing settling at 10pm until 6:45am - not getting too excited as one night doesn’t make a resolution but let’s see what tonight brings otherwise I need to go back to the ideas you all raised.....