7 year old with sleep problems

[theSnuffster]

My 7 year old has never slept well. It's just ridiculous! She's quite an anxious child and basically doesn't like to be alone at night. I feel like we've tried everything! Warm baths, lavender spray, worry eater toy, calming music, massage creams, meditation, getting lots of exercise during the day, milky drinks.... We even rearranged and redecorated her bedroom for her incase something was bothering or frightening her.

A few months ago we resorted to letting her have a tv- which does help in that we don't now have to spend the whole evening sat there waiting for her to go to sleep....I can now listen to her read, she watches TV while I get things done elsewhere, then I come back to settle her to sleep. But she still doesn't go to sleep alone!

We have tried being tough with her but she gets so distressed that it disturbs the neighbours (not just the house attached, over the road too!)

I even took her to the doctor in the summer, who could only suggest I just let her stay up as late as she wants?! (The doctor didn't seem to understand that I was there because I was concerned about her health and well-being due lack of sleep, she seemed to assume that I must be cross about having no time to myself in the evening!)

I guess I'm hoping someone has some ideas that I haven't thought to try? Or a magic wand?!

i know this sounds odd but do you have a cat .Growing up what you say echos very similar for me i always had some degree of anxiety and the one thing that got me to sleep was my falling asleep in my mothers arms.When we got my cat prowler he would sleep on my bed it would make me feel safe.

I still have a cat i find Siamese are very social affectionate and good company

also have you tried audio books

Yes we do have two cats actually. We tend to shut them out of the bedrooms at night otherwise they attack your toes 😂 but I bet if I wanted them to stay in there and keep her company they wouldn't!

Oh god!! This was me as a child. So I can honestly say, hand on heart, the thought of falling asleep alone used to scare the hell out of me. I used to kick, scream, anything just to be able to sleep. I slept on the landing, just to be closer to my parents.

Does your daughter have bad dreams ? I used to have really vivid horrible dreams. My parents eventually just kept putting me back in, quick cuddle, tuck in. Given a cuddly bear and they walked away. I was a real nightmare for my parents. They did have to put me on meds to make me sleep as I would stay up all night...

She will grow out of it. Just relax a bit and if she gets worked up , remain calm with her. Comfort her and try to find the root of not wanting to fall asleep alone.

Does she stay asleep all night?

She doesn't always sleep all night, sometimes she sneaks in to our bed, but I'd say most of the time she does. Then we have to wake her in the mornings.

She says she doesn't have bad dreams- we have a dream catcher just incase!

I guess she does seem genuinely scared at times- especially in the past when we've been 'firm' with her. She definitely doesn't like it if it's dark so she always has a nightlight on plus there's one on the landing incase she needs a wee.

So last night she went to bed nicely, read to me, I rubbed some lavender cream stuff on her back and left her awake but very sleepy. She went to sleep on her own.

Tonight started the same but when I left her she moaned for me to stay, said she's too hot, can dad come in her room.... wandering around having a tantrum. She's still awake now with OH in her room getting more and more cross. She goes to sleep but when he tries to sneak away she wakes up. So frustrating!

I have had EXACTLY the same thing with my 6 year old. Absolute hysterics being left. We bought a camera from Amazon, a cheap
£18, set it up in his room so we can see him, and it’s got two way audio so we can reassure him and he can talk to us. Tried it tonight, took a while but he is now fast asleep, and we didn’t have to go up, or sit outside his room keeping him in and I have high hopes...

I am the same in that I struggle to sleep alone but having the main lights on in my room really helps. Some of us just aren’t built for sleeping in the dark!

Can you offer some sort of reward ? Like a chart. If she sleeps for 3 nights in a row like a big girl, she can have a treat.

?

OP, my 7, nearly 8 year old DD, is EXACTLY the same, but she comes into our bed almost every night. She is very anxious, hates being left, and her general behaviour is terrible....all stemming from anxiety I think. We've just had an 'early help' referral via the GP, who had also suggested a Sips referral might be useful. Following with interest.

Never thought of a camera but certainly worth looking in to!

We've tried reward charts, offering treats etc (bribery 😂) but it doesn't seem to help. She's so pleased with herself when she does manage it, we make a big fuss etc, but when bedtime comes around she doesn't seem to care about doing it again!

She is definitely an anxious child. (Much like me as a child I guess but I don't remember ever having trouble with bedtime or sleeping.) Her confidence has grown in some areas over the years but not others. I could perhaps speak to the doctor about it. I'd speak to school/ senco but I know from experience with my son that they aren't very helpful.

Just a suggestion but I have always struggled to switch my brain off and slept with a light on until I went to university! The only thing that has helped me to sleep is listening to audio books. Can't be music, must be spoken word. Might be worth a try?

We tried audio books but it was a long time ago, I'll definitely give it a try again.

She's always had a nightlight, tried various different ones over the years.

Thanks so much for all the suggestions so far!

She's currently awake, in my bed, with ALL the lights on. She went to sleep really nicely tonight, with me sat next to her, but only took about 10 minutes. I managed to sneak out easily but she woke up 10 minutes later and that was 2 hours ago. She's shouting for me and has been up and down the stairs but I've had to come downstairs for a bit. Aside from the fact that I had things I had to do down here I needed to just get away!

This could have been me as a child too. My parents were gems. They kept a thin mattress under their bed (like a sun lounger mattress), which I would pull out in the middle of the night with a pillow and a blanket. And I'd sleep there. It really helped me to go to sleep knowing that if I needed to, I could go through to their room. Knowing it was acceptable, kind of took the pressure off, and meant that I didn't need to do it so much! Weird psychology!