How the actual fuck am I going to stop feeding to sleep- getting desperate

[WineAt4pm]

Baby is 4.5 months. Generally happy and smiley when fed and rested. No reflux or health issues. Will only fall asleep through feeding (breastfed). At night can mostly be transferred to a snuzpod next to our bed once in a deep sleep. In the day will wake up the instant she's more than 3 inches from a boob, however deep of a sleep she's in.

Pram- fallen asleep once in 4.5 months. Mostly screams non stop endlessly until we take her out. No reflux but have tried a wedge in case she wanted to be more upright anyway.

Sling- never fallen asleep in it. Mostly happy for 10 minutes then cries to get out.

Car- fallen asleep three times in 4.5 months, once from being happy, the other two times after screaming for half an hour. Generally cries for around 75% of all car journeys.

Please no suggestions to put her down in the 'drowsy but awake' state- that doesn't exist with this baby (or my older two). She's either calm or full on crying, she doesn't seem to have a fussing stage. Patting/shushing just makes her furious, as does pick up/put down. Bouncer also doesn't help sleep. Tried it all.

I've not had an hour away from her since she's been born and I'm going crazy. End up spending a huge chunk of my day sitting down either feeding her or having her sleep on me and I just can't do this indefinitely. I can't even leave her with DH or my parents for a couple of hours because once she's tired she screams unless she gets fed to sleep. Tried all sorts of awake windows from 45m to 3 hours, nothing has worked. Any advice greatly welcomed!!

My baby is similar - I decided to just go with it. I would keep trying with the leaving her though- maybe just after she has had a nap and at a good time of day for her? Or get parents to take her for a walk? I think that age is especially bad for sleep so it should get better and you will be able to have a break. (Last resort for a break maybe think about leaving your phone at home...)

Check the safe sleep guidance and make a judgement on the risks but a sleepyhead is the only place I've got my bf, contact sleepers to stay by themselves for any length of time. If you're desperate might be worth a look.

We used a dummy with DD who was also a very sucky baby - only when she was fed and ready to fall asleep in buggy/car seat/cot. I know not everyone likes them (and we didn't use them for our first 2 babies) but it was brilliant for DD and meant she didn't always need to be attached to me to go to sleep.

With my son I used a dummy as he was sucking on me a lot and not just for feeding. It worked even though the midwife gave me a hard time I preferred him using a dummy than making me sore and meaning I couldn't do anything.

Ah, fuck, I had this. In the end (after much, much, much trying of everything and many years), my son would fall asleep in the pushchair attachment of the pram, while partially upright. The trick was to go out as though you're just going out for a walk, and then eventually, he fell asleep.
Initially I was walking for miles every day, but after a while, he started passing out within minutes of being in the pram, and he would stay asleep so I could just come home and park him in the hallway.

Also, more often than not, they do settle with someone else if you're not there.

Activities to exhaust can help? I always got a bit of peace after swimming for example?

Massive commiserations. I vividly remember the frustration and misery.

My guy would transfer once asleep so not as bad, but I only stopped feeding him to sleep at 11 months and the first night was hell o earth. My husband had to do it. And we got there eventually. He's still waking at night but we've gone from feeding to sleep to rocking to sleep to now doing the back pat. My husband nearly died the other day when I almost killed him when he asked why I hadn't tried any of it before. Eh for 11 months actually. Difference was I'd give in after 45 mins or so (toddler downstairs) and my dh persevered. I think it was 3 hours the first night of what felt like non stop screaming.

@Lalapurple sometimes I do think that but I have a toddler who needs attention and things I need to get done, and my mental state is suffering by being sat down such a huge chunk of the day! A walk just makes her scream non stop because she hates the pram/sling.

@Sunshinegirl82 sorry I wasn't clearer, we use a sleepyhead in the snuzpod and it works great at night but in the day she's having none of it!

@Bicnod @Raindancer411 I've tried previously and she refused the dummy a lot, but maybe I should really persevere. My main hesitation is if she starts to accept it and it helps with naps, will she then want it at night when we don't really have an issue? As I'm reluctant to get to the point where she's waking every half an hour for us to put it back in

With DD she still fed to sleep at night at that age (and didn't wake any more regularly at night once using dummy during the day - 4 months is a tricky age for sleep anyway as I recall) but we used the dummy at night when I weaned her off breastfeeding completely at 14 months. She then used a dummy at naptime and bedtime only until she was 3 when she gave the dummies up completely overnight in return for a trip to Peppa Pig World

She's still my best sleeper out of the three of them.

They worked really well for us but obviously every child is different.

Sorry should have said I fed her to sleep at that age but used dummy for daytime naps