Sleep training “exceptions”...?

[UpToMyElbowsInDiapers]

DS2 not a great sleeper from the start. Resorted to Ferber (cry-it-out but with frequent reassurances) at ~6 months and it seemed to work within 3 nights. He’d sleep from 7:30-4ish, have a top up feed, then back to sleep until 6:30/7. That delightful pattern lasted... I’m going to say about three nights. Then he got a cold. I got up with him as often as he wanted me, then a week later or so we sleep trained him again. Cue another cold. Then teething. Then tummy bug. Then more teething. Now diarrhea.

In all, I’d say he’s fallen off the wagon and then been re-trained about 6 times in the last 3 months - so roughly every 2 weeks. We’ll have 3 good nights, a week of agony while he’s poorly or only just recently better (but back to bad habits), 3 more nights of gradual improvement with gentle CIO, and then the next thing hits.

He isn’t an especially poorly baby, and the GP has never raised any concerns in his routine visits. I think the illnesses are par for the course when you have a toddler older sister and have started daycare in the winter.

But... are the sleep issues inevitable? Anyway to keep baby on track a bit more even when unwell? I feel like his wakings every 2 hours aren’t doing him any favours either, in terms of being rested enough to get better!

Helllllp!

What are you doing when he’s waking? With mine, their sleep training was because they wanted feeding every time they woke. So even if they were ill they weren’t fed, so went back to normal after the illness passed (I.e sleeping through).

I think you need to leave it for a while. He will be so confused by the training-not training pattern which has been so irregular that he will find it really hard to learn what he should or shouldnt be doing.

How old is he now? It's very difficult but not unusual for babies under 12 months to wake at night. Maybe it's worth leaving it until the spring or summer when he is less likely to get ill and has had time to forget the confusing on/off training enough to respond to it properly.

He’s 9 months now. The GP said 80% of babies sleep through by this age, and my DD certainly did. So I guess I’m just wondering what we’ve done to end up in the unlucky 20%.

When he’s poorly, we leave him for 5 minutes or so to see if he’ll settle. If he’s still crying and it’s before 3am, my DH goes in and rocks him to sleep as we don’t think he should need milk at that time and don’t want to re-create that association. Can take up to an hour though. If later than 3am, we usually offer a feed.

RhymingRabbit, I’m curious as to what you mean by leaving it for a bit. Should we be expecting him up every 2-3 hours through the night even when he’s well? That’s super disruptive to the family. Our toddler is often woken up when the baby wakes up (despite white noise in both their rooms), and DH and i are both working full time. I went to work 8am-7pm on Thursday on 2.5 hours of sleep and ended up physically ill. I can’t do this... ☹️

I had a non sleeper it was hell. The every 2 hour warnings are sole destroying. Thankfully mediced was still freely available so I used to get a full night sleep when ds had that. He's 15 now, started sleeping through when he started school.

I wouldn't offer a feed - it incentivises waking if you sometimes feed. Appetite will be better during the day if you're not feeding at night. And how is your child to know if it's before or after 3am?

I wouldn't rock, just shush to sleep.

I didn't sleep train and DS1 only started sleeping through at 12mo. Didn't sleep through consistently til 2yo and even now still wakes if ill, teething etc at 2.5yo. Only thing I can reccomend is co-sleeping- saved our sanity as we both work ft too.

Some babies just wake up more than others. You might be in the unlucky 20%, as was I, and it's not necessarily something you've done. I just think it might make it harder to crack sleep training if you keep doing it, then not doing it, then doing it again. I think it only works if you can do it consistently for a number of weeks so they get used to the new pattern. But what do I know as my daughter didn't sleep through until 22 months

I bet anything that the stats the GP gave you are false!
80% by 9 months seems ridiculously high! I don't know anyone with babies that age who sleep through (without sleep training).

My friends who are gps said they knew bugger all about babies before they had their own. (I mean about typical looking after baby stuff not sick baby stuff). I wouldn't necessarily believe what you've been told.

I think the GP is lying to you! To be honest your OP is why I have never sleep trained. Sometimes it works long term but most of the people I know who have done it have ended up with just the pattern you describe.

I don't think waking every 2-3 hours at 9 months is especially unusual, both of mine have done it. DS1 is now 3.5 and generally sleeps through although is still an early riser and goes through periods of waking.

DS2 (8 mo) is still waking regularly and is often in bed with me from 2am ish onwards. I would honestly do whatever you think will get you the maximum amount of sleep. In a few weeks it will be Spring, the illnesses will die down and you might find it eases up if it's own accord.

My baby slept through every so often from ten months and then every night age 1 onwards. The "unlucky 20%" is rubbish imo, you make it sound far more severe and final than it is. I was out of the "lucky" bracket by a few months, it really doesn't matter. Also where did your GP even get that information from?

I'd just respond every time your baby cries / offer lots of cuddles but I know I'd probably be flamed for that! Do as you wish.

My GP has 2 kids and specializes in Pediatrics... I feel like she probably knows at least a fair bit more than I do on this topic!

Agreed that the pre-3am/post-3am rule is probably confusing and I’ll discuss ditching that with DH.

Co-sleeping worked well for a couple of months when DS was really small, but DH and I both have jobs requiring travel. That means solo parenting a couple of nights a week. Now that DS is mobile, it doesn’t feel safe leaving him alone in bed if DH or I need to get up to go to the loo, attend to the toddler, get dressed in the morning, etc.

I think we’ll in the first instance try dropping all night feeds and see if that helps. We have a pretty stocky boy, and his night time snack really probably is mainly for comfort. If in another couple of weeks he’s still not sleeping properly again, I’ll give up and accept this is just a very shitty stage of life... and maybe try to get a longer assignment away... (jk!)

Sorry but that is complete nonsense that 80% of 9 month olds sleep through. It's misinformation like this that makes parents feel even worse when their babies aren't sleeping well!!

It's normal for babies to wake regularly at 9 months. 9 months is so so young and I don't know of any baby that age that naturally slept through at that age. Research backs this up as well, e.g. this research showed that almost 60% of 9 month olds woke regularly:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/1934318/

I feel for you though, I've been there (still am!) and it's awful!

My 8month old doesn't sleep through , she wakes every couple of hours up to about midnight from 7pm. Then it's a case of she's either going to sleep through or she's not ..it varies from day to day. As she's just getting over a cold she's wanting to co sleep with us but I'm trying to get her settled back in her cot! Last night she slept through from 12 till 8.30am the night before she was awake constantly!! I work full time too and it's hard but she seems to through me a lifeline every now and again by sleeping though so I can do a catch up sleep. But from talking to my friends none of their babies sleep continuously through the night in fact they think I have it easy as she doesn't want a feed just a cuddle. Just do what's right for you

Do you have a spare room? We manage co-sleeping by having a spare room set up for it with bed guards. Everyone starts off in their own beds but then if DS2 doesn't settle I co-sleep with him. DH deals with DS1 if he wakes.

If it's been a bad run DH will take both DC in the morning to give me some extra time where possible. On weekends I get longer lie ins. This works because DH gets a pretty decent night as I am elsewhere with DS2 if he's unsettled!

I know that this isn't ideal but it gets us through and it's not forever is my view. In a few years this stage will (hopefully!) be done and dusted. Until then it's just a question of surviving it!