Will my baby ever sleep on his own?

[Baybeemama]

First time posting! Looking for some opinions/similar experiences.
My DS is 11 weeks old, is a great sleeper, if he’s co-sleeping in my bed!
This is a recent thing, as early as last week I would nurse him to sleep and put him in his next-to-me crib, he would sleep in there for around 3-4 hours, wake to feed lying down and (if I hadn’t fallen asleep with him on boob) I’d return him to his crib - he’d wake every couple hours for food and finally at about 5am he’d wake and I’d have him in with me, he’d wake for the day 730-8.
Now however, no matter how hard I try, he won’t settle in crib, but sleeps brilliantly with me. I really don’t mind, but how hard is it going to be to move him to a cot in his room by the time he’s 6 months?! I need my DH back with me in bed, and to enjoy a couple hours downstairs when baby goes to bed.
Baby is EBF, will not take a dummy for love nor money! And goes down about 8pm.
I did try a slightly new routine yesterday - nap in AM, long nap 1-3ish...try for a car nap in PM and bed by 7. He was up til 930pm feeding/not settling in crib when I gave up and put him in with me again!

Just bumping this for you, OP, and hopefully folk will be along soon with advice.

Best of luck.

Sounds very like my DD, she used to feed to sleep and then be put in her cot but at around 14 weeks this stopped and we had to co sleep to get her to sleep at all!
She is now 6 months and we still co-sleep but we have managed to get her to sleep in her cot from 6:30-10:00pm (ish) which gives me a few hours downstairs while she sleeps. This did involve some tears (but not CIO) as at first she was very difficult to settle in her cot. there was no point getting her to sleep then putting her down as she instantly woke. up furiously crying no matter how long we tried it for so we had to put her down and settle her. Now she can sort of self settle, she needs her tummy stroked until she's nice and sleepy but then won't go to sleep until we leave the room - I think we distract her. The other night she was asleep before I'd reached the door, but most nights when we leave she fusses a little bit, but doesn't cry and it's only a few minutes. We go straight back in if she ever does cry which is rare.
When she wakes around 10 she won't go back in the cot at all so DH is still on the sofa bed but that is the next thing we're going to work on (probably after Christmas as we're away visiting family for a bit so will wait until we're back into a more normal routine). I think she probably would go in the cot without too much fuss but my resolve to actually follow through with it at 10pm, then again at 2am etc is pretty low and I'm very quick to take the easy option of keeping her in bed where I know she'll sleep!
So, maybe not quite what you were hoping to hear but a couple of months ago I was like you, wondering if I'd ever spend evenings downstairs with DH again! I never thought she'd go in the cot for even a few hours but she was much better at it than I thought so hopefully you'll find the same.

@meredithgrey1 this sounds exactly like my experience! DD is 6 months tomorrow, was a pretty rubbish sleeper from birth but things really went tits up around the 3.5 month mark and at her worst she was waking every hour. We used to feed/rock to sleep and then put her down but now she wakes up furiously crying when put in the cot so DH is in the spare room and I’m very reluctantly co sleeping. Can I ask how you got your DD to settle in the cot? I don’t mind a bit of crying as she’s crying anyway so she might as well be learning something at the same time!

@Baybeemama Sorry I have no real advice, except to say things in the baby sleep
world seem to be ever changing, so you never know, he might work it out on his own sooner than you think!

@Hep1211 we started a routine of bath, into her sleeping bag, read a couple of stories and then feed her in bed with low lights and white noise. Then DH has to come and put her in the cot and stroke her tummy and shush her and she cries a bit but after a little bit she stops and you can tell she's trying to get to sleep - she turns her head to the side and shuts her eyes for a few seconds, then turns her head back and looks up at him, when she starts doing this calmly DH can leave and she fusses for a little bit and sometimes he has to go back and do it again but reasonably quickly she does fall asleep. She doesn't tend to fall asleep while he's in there, I don't know if she finds having him there too distracting or something, and she very rarely falls asleep with me there, maybe she thinks I'll cave and feed her (which I probably would even though she's just fed!). My husband is stricter and doesn't pick her up unless she's crying in an upset way (rather than just tired and a bit cross with us), which only happened when we first started doing it. Maybe it sounds a bit harsh, but we can tell her "I'm tired and can't quite get to sleep" cry and the quickest way to help her sleep is to do this stroking thing because rocking her to sleep takes longer and she wakes as soon as she's put down anyway.
Thankfully she's waking less in the night (when she's back in the bed) so we're hoping she can do the whole night in the cot soon. She used to sleep so well, from about 2-14 weeks she slept 7-8 hours straight at night, and then it all went to hell.

@meredithgrey1 Thank you - we have pretty much the same pre bed routine - it just all falls apart once she goes in the cot! Think we need to shush and stroke through the crying for a couple of nights perhaps. Completely agree that upset crying and cross/overtired crying are different, and like you I feel picking her up to comfort her doesn’t do her any good unless she’s really hysterical as the whole saga starts again once we put her down!
Fingers crossed you get a whole night in the cot soon! We’re away for 10 days over Christmas so just going to have to get through it however we can then work on sleep in January 🤞🏻

I should be grateful really that he sleeps well at night, he wakes fairly often for food but as he’s in with me, has his milk and goes back to sleep - as do I! DH says I ought to be thankful for that and stop reading into it so much - he’s happy in spare room for the time being as it means he can stay up and get on with a degree he’s doing on the side - probably likes the peace and quiet .
I’m going to persevere with his crib though as he would be less disturbed by me in there! And @meredithgrey1 I’d like to get him in his crib consistently for those first couple hours so I can go downstairs for a bit! At the moment he’s not really falling asleep til 8ish by which point I’m pretty tired myself so just end up sleeping! I think after Christmas I’ll work on getting him used to his own space and then try to bring bedtime earlier! Then he’ll be 4 months and we’ll have a regression to deal with, ‘tis never ending! It’s luckily he’s so cute hah!

He'll sleep on his own eventually. Mine turned a corner at six and a half monthsish and started going down in her own cot and staying there.

@Baybeemama SIDS prevention guidance says keep them with you for all sleep for at least the first six months anyway

He's still in the 4th trimester and has not yet established circadian rhythm yet

You're getting sleep, it'll change with time, for the worse as well as better

@TheClausSeason keeping fingers crossed that’ll happen! I’m not going to let it stress me too much, as long as he gets enough sleep I’m happy. And if I can sleep too then we’re all happy :)

I think it will happen @baybeemama. Mine periodically starts a new sleep behaviour- like when she started linking her sleep cycles and self-settling when she woke- that makes me realise that generally, you don't have to 'do' anything in particular to get kids to sleep. I believe they start doing it when they're ready (there will be dips here and there, with illnesses, teething, leaps and changes to routine etc, but generally it's an upward trajectory). Yours is still really tiny and you're doing the right thing by doing whatever you need to to maximise the sleep you all get.

@meredithgrey1 how and when did you get her in the cot? My little ones 5 months old. I'm going insane with lack of sleep. Also co-sleeping. I don't see how I'll ever get her to sleep In her cot.

@meredithgrey1 should have finished reading the post before I wrote my last message