Nightmare!! (for me)

[Lea2003]

Hi

My dd (11 months) slept Ok from 6 months (2 naps and 10 ish hours at night) - I used the pat/shhh Baby Whisperer method she hated pu/pd.

Anyway, I have just been back at work for 4 weeks leaving her with childminder from 9-2.30. All was well for 2 weeks - I left instructions about her routine - you could then stick her in the cot, go out and shut the door.

Over the last fortnight sleep has got worse - we thought maybe she only needs 1 nap instead of 2. Didn't work - she was too tired to cope - only staying awake til 11 then wanting back to sleep at 4 or 5 which messes up bedtime at 8.30.

It now appears that my childminder has been rocking her to sleep for 3 weeks or so - hence her screaming if we leave the room before she is asleep.

I am at the end of my tether - I don't know what to do and have lost my confidence of knowing what she wants - I feel like I'm going to burst into tears all the time.

Any help please!

Ouch, that's really hard when you suddenly don't have control over her routine...at nursery they pat or rock dd to sleep, whereas we find it better to leave her (she doesn't get distressed and is a good sleeper this way) but I can sort of understand why, in that they might have other babies sleeping int he cot room at the same time. Your childminder should have been upfront with you if he/she wasn't prepared to leave her, otherwise should do as per your instructions. You DO know what she needs, its just the childminder confusing her routine. I would explain to CM that her sleep has deteriorated, and that you think its because of the 'different environment/approach' and try to talk about a consistent approach without upsetting her (assuming you're otherwise happy with CM). Also could her sleep have deteriorated because of being unsettled, or teething or anything? However, my best bet is that even if you carry on with your way and she carries on with hers your dd will soon enough adjust and realise its different at home from the CM. Best luck x

I dont have any experience and infact would love to know when you started sshh/pat and how long did it take(im trying to get dd to be left to go to sleep on her own). But I have read in a book that babies associate the methods of going to sleep with whoever puts them to sleep. E.g the baby would expect me to rock it to sleep as thats what ive always done but with mil she puts baby straight down and they expect that off her. Hope that makes sense. I think it was in the Richard Ferber 'solve your childs sleep probs' that I read it. Could it be something else that is making her fretful

Hi folks,

Sorry so long in replying but have not had chance to use the net for a while.

Well first of all I spoke to childminder and she seems to be doing ok.

Next she has been having problems teething which obviously didn't help - now get up in night and take 1 - 2 hours to put her down again - eek!

The question about pat/shhh - we started it at 3 months and it worked ok for us - couldn't leave her crying and it worked perfectly until I went back to work. Her daytime nap - she has now gone down to one nap is OKish but not long enough!

But we are getting there - thanks for replying it really made a difference to get some support.

It could just be a fluke. My dd (now 18 months) has been the sleeper from heaven. It's her one PERFECT quality. She's a crap eater. But, the good sleeper makes up for it... and then some. However, there have been a couple of time that lasted for a few night, maybe a week, that she just out of the blue up and decided to get up in the middle of the night. I just left her to cry it out and she resumed her sleeping soon enough. Personally, I think babies just go through phases, and they see if maybe they can get away with a new routine. Poor DD, I was having none of it.

I'm not sure of the ages. I think it was about 6 months (when she learned to sit up) and around a year old that she had these episodes of getting up.

From what I've heard, Dr. Ferber is the best. So, if he says something on the subject, I'd be inclined to take it as the gospel truth.

I was in a similar situation a while ago. I have never rocked DS to sleep (he is almost 12 wks old) because I find it unnecessary. I normally wait till he's sleepy but still awake and put him down. He may whimper or cry half-heartedly for a couple of minutes but he will drop off soon. However, I found our childminder rocking him to sleep (not just gentle rocking, but quite big movements) and I was very annoyed. I told her it wasn't necessary to do that and that she could just put him down, but I still found her rocking him on occasions. I also noticed that DS didn't sleep so well with her because he was actually being over-stimulated with all the vigorous rocking. Eventually I got so angry I printed out a whole load of literature on sleep association and I also typed up how I put DS to sleep. I asked her to read them and to please not rock him anymore because I don't want to have to rock him every time he goes to sleep. Since then things have improved greatly. DS sleeps much better now with her. I don't think my CM knew about sleep association until I showed her the information. Once she knew, she co-operated fully.

So I know how frustrating it can be when you've established some sort of routine and someone else mucks it up for you. I think you have to be firm and tell CM your routines and see that she tries to stick to them.

HTH.