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Original poster

Newborn and DH drinking alcohol

24 replies

89redballoons · 14/12/2019 19:56

I have an 8 day old baby who I am so far managing to exclusively breastfeed. He won't settle to sleep anywhere apart from in my or DH's arms, usually after a feed, and we've decided we'll get more confident with breastfeeding until we start trying to put him down in his Moses basket or carrycot (going to start trying when he's a couple of weeks old +/-).

For the last few nights one of me or DH has been holding the sleeping baby and staying awake, while the other of us naps, and we swap over every few hours when the baby feeds.

Tonight we're planning the same only DH has just poured himself a glass of wine.

I know that co-sleeping while either of us has been drinking is dangerous. However, what about holding a sleeping baby but staying awake, either with another adult in the room or alone?

He's only having a glass and won't be getting pissed, and we're both awake now and will be for a few hours.

Really sorry if the answer to this is obvious - clearly I am quite sleep-deprived, and in case not obvious this is my first baby!

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 14/12/2019 19:58

A glass of wine is fine! You have one too!

TrentBridge · 14/12/2019 20:01

A glass of wine is fine (even if you are cosleeping, one glass of wine early in the evening is fine).

But it all sounds absolutely exhausting! Is there no way the baby will sleep if he's right next to you? Cosleeping is absolute ok if you do it safely, and at least you'll both then get some rest.

RoomR0613 · 14/12/2019 20:03

Sounds like a good idea. You have one too, you deserve it!

Congratulations to you both

pumpkinpie01 · 14/12/2019 20:06

One of you is planning to stay awake all night ?

Original poster

89redballoons · 14/12/2019 20:08

Yeah I've thought that safe co-sleeping might be a way forward.

It isn't too bad so far, I've actually managed to get a good few naps in in the last 24 hours. Clearly this isn't a long term arrangement, just that until very recently I was taking ages to get the baby to latch on for feeding and putting him down just unsettled him more which then also made feeding harder.

OP posts:

RoomR0613 · 14/12/2019 20:09

One of you is planning to stay awake all night ?

I mean yeah, that's batshit, but that's pretty normal for new parents let's face it ?

Wine will help.

yellowallpaper · 14/12/2019 20:10

I'd honestly try to get baby into their cot or Moses basket. We did similar and in a very short time sleeping on one of us was his only option.

RaspberryBubblegum · 14/12/2019 20:12

Is there any way you can get a Cosleeping cot? I bought a normal cot, took one side off and pushed it up against our bed for my two. It meant that I could just lie half in the cot and half in the bed and feed without picking baby up, then slowly moving away once baby fed to sleep 😂

Original poster

89redballoons · 14/12/2019 20:12

Not all night - eg last night DH slept between about 10.30 and 1, we were both up between 1 and 2ish then I slept until 5.30am and then we swapped again and DH slept in in the morning.

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 14/12/2019 20:15

Congratulations on becoming parents ! It can be unsettling for newborns when you put them down but this trick often works - put an item of your clothing in the Moses basket ( familiar comforting smell ) and have a hot water bottle in the Moses basket . After winding put them in the basket very very slowly ( bottle removed first ) that makes the transition less upsetting for them.

Original poster

89redballoons · 14/12/2019 20:21

...ok so - wine is fine; try and get the baby sleeping not in our arms ASAP. Thanks everyone.

I'll look back on this post and laugh in a few weeks/months I'm sure. We've been back from hospital less than a week and errrr I'm quite hormonal

OP posts:

goingtoneedabiggercar · 14/12/2019 20:26

I wrap him in his sleeping bag or blankets while I'm holding him because it seemed to be the cold bed that woke him and touch wood it seems to work most of the time. DS is only 3 weeks so I'm no expert lol. Congrats.

madcatladyforever · 14/12/2019 20:28

The baby won't go down? Well my baby went down whether he liked it or not, I couldn't stay awake all night holding a baby I'd have gone stark raving mad!! Right from the beginning I established that routine.
I'm probably really old fashioned, well I am nearly 60 but some of todays parenting sound bat shit crazy. I have never co slept either - I am a very heavy sleeper and I'd have been terrified of rolling over him and suffocating him.

PlasticPatty · 14/12/2019 20:32

No, I wouldn't drink. Too easy for you to doze and let the baby slide down...

I remember the first six weeks or so, the baby wouldn't go down. What changed was my level of exhaustion. By six weeks I was so, so tired, we co-slept because I couldn't stay awake any longer.

Galvantula · 14/12/2019 20:37

The only worry I'd have (alcohol or not) is falling asleep sitting up in an unsafe way with baby e.g. on a couch.

Finding a way to safely co-sleep (maybe a side car cot as suggested above) would be much better.

I used to feed mine with a spare cot sheet or big muslin under them so it was warm to transfer with them into the crib. :)

Lunafortheloveogod · 14/12/2019 20:40

I wouldn’t drink too but that’s because one glass after almost a year with being pregnant would have me out like a light lol.

I’d definitely try a co sleeping crib, or pop a hot water bottle on the Moses basket before you lay the baby down so it’s not nice warm arms to cold basket.. same with as mad as it sounds sleeping on his sheet the night before/shove it down your top for a couple of hours to get your smell on to it. Might sound mad but I went in to hospital at 12days pp and came back to ds laying on my housecoat as it settled him 😂, dp had been wearing it like a sleeved blanket to help get him to settle n feed.

You’ll get there but don’t drive yourselves mad in the mean time.

Lllot5 · 14/12/2019 20:41

@madcatladyforever
Yeah I know what you mean.
Seemed a lot easier when my were little.
But I’m late fifties now it was a while ago of course but can’t remember ever having babies not sleep all night from couple of months.

Galvantula · 14/12/2019 20:45

Drinking while co sleeping isn't recommended though. :)

hodgepodge21 · 15/12/2019 16:31

@madcatladyforever @Lllot5 I am in your camp here - and I have a four month old! From day one, baby got put down when he went to sleep. I would go crazy if I had to hold a baby on my chest all day and night. It took a few days of very unsettled nights, where we kept having to resettle and feed him. But he will comfortably go down in his own cot every night now, and settle himself to sleep within 10minutes or so. It really interests me this difference in parenting across the generations, I am always talking to my mum and MIL about it!

theworldhasgonecrazy1 · 15/12/2019 20:44

I had the same problem for the first week at home and ended up co sleeping as it was the only way I was able to get any sleep. I now have a sleepyhead which is amazing and she'll now sleep in her cot. It's worth a try as going from sleeping in arms to a cold flat surface is a big change. Don't worry too much just try different things and do what you feel is best. As for the wine I wouldn't be too worried if it's just the one glass

whoami24601 · 15/12/2019 21:01

Swaddle swaddle swaddle!!!

ThursdayLastWeek · 15/12/2019 21:12

Oh yeah, just put them down and sleep through the screaming

Babies didn’t cry in my days

umberellaonesie · 15/12/2019 21:17

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Original poster

89redballoons · 20/12/2019 20:00

In case anyone was wondering, in the last few days we've managed to get the baby down for quite a few good daytime naps in the carrycot from his pram. DS was only 6lb 4oz and is still mainly in tiny baby clothes, so I think the Moses basket was just too big for him. He did settle OK in his cot in the hospital, which again was smaller.

At night, we started co sleeping following the lullaby trust guidelines a couple of nights ago - he's slept in 2 to 4 hour stretches and it has normally been fairly easy to get him down again after a change and feed. Going to borrow a next2me from a friend soon (I know about getting a new mattress) and see if we can get him to transition to that from our actual bed when he is slightly bigger.

I've also had an afternoon glass of wine on a couple of occasions myself

Thanks for everyone's advice!

OP posts:

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