8 month old lost ability to self-settle (not separation anxiety)

[NewMum293]

Up until recently my 8.5 month old could self-settle for naps and bedtime: I or my husband would feed her and put her down in her cot, sing a few nursery rhymes and leave the room and she would slowly drift off. However, last week she started insisting on holding my hand until she was asleep and would cry if I moved it. It wasn’t ideal as she can take a while to fully fall asleep but I assumed it was temporary and went along with it. Now she still insists on holding my hand but won’t go to sleep anymore - she will just chat and play. If I take my hand away, she cries and if I don’t, she stays awake, literally for hours, until she’s overtired and then can’t get to sleep. It’s only my hand - if my husband offers his, she bats it away.

I don’t think it’s separation anxiety as during the day, she’s absolutely fine if I leave the room, pass her to someone else etc.

I’m not sure what to do. This morning she skipped her morning nap entirely as I couldn’t settle her and it has just taken my husband and I nearly 3 hours to resettle her after she woke up at 9pm.

For context, I previously breastfed and am now combination feeding, and my daughter is on 3 meals a day and enjoying solids. She has recently started to babble and often does so when we are trying to settle her. She is also moving more on her tummy and rocking back on all fours - I’m not convinced crawling will happen anytime soon but she’s laying the foundations.

Once she’s actually asleep, she sleeps well: 60-90 mins for naps (2 a day) and 7-7 at night with a dream feed around 10.30pm.

Is this just a development phase that we need to make it through? Should we be doing something that would help her settle that we’re not?

Any advice or experiences would be much appreciated x

Oh I forgot to say, when she naps she naps on bed with me as I'm so wrecked I go to sleep with her.

Sorry wrong thread

Anyone? x

8-10 mo sleep regression- lots and lots going on developmentally

It will pass

But you're still getting good sleep overnight, so you're still fairly well off

I think you need to make more of a difference between bedtime and play time. So at night no nursery rhymes or chatting (but you could read stories quietly); keep dim lighting, and do not hold hands. Once she’s asleep you leave - if she wakes up crying you rinse and repeat the routine and leave.

Thank you both.

@Harrysmummy246 it makes sense as it was the same at 4 months - her night sleep wasn’t really affected but her ability to settle for naps and bedtime went to pot. But yes, count myself lucky to be getting a good night’s sleep at the mo.

@GrumpyHoonMain Thank you. I need to be more consistent as I am flip flopping between different approaches at the moment trying to find one that works.

Bumping this as still struggling. What works one day doesn’t the next. I’ve tried:

• not speaking at all while in the room (worked for one bedtime)

• reading instead of nursery rhymes (worked for two days)

• stroking hair (worked for one bedtime)

Etc etc

Sometimes if I leave the room, my daughter will cry for a couple of minutes and then go to sleep. Other times she will become hysterical. There’s absolutely no consistency and I’m started to get really stressed in the run-up to nap and bedtime as I know it’s going to be a battle.

Today her first nap should have been around 9am and I eventually fed her to sleep at 11am. Her second nap didn’t happen as she settled but then woke when I went to leave the room and began screaming.

Sorry but this is bsolutely normal and can change day to day.

I know its not what you want to hear but it's a case of taking it day by day and trying whatever you can to make it easier. Try to relax a bit about it as she can feed off the stressful energy and that won't help at all. There's loads of gentle approaches to this sort of thing. Try looking at Sarah Ockwell-Smith for advice and explanation into baby sleep, it makes it easier sometimes if you sort of understand.

Thank you - that does help. Much appreciated x

My daughter turned 8 months last week and we are right there with you! I dread nap times now as it's such a coin toss as to whether she will actually go down. Sometimes she has a little moan and sometimes she gets hysterical and rolled straight over and rocks on her hands and knees. Also just started babbling and on verge of crawling (already commando crawling). She has gone from one night feed around 1:30am to having one anywhere from 11:30-1:30am and then again at 5:30am. One night feed I can cope with (either will do!) but two is a struggle especially as I'm going back to work soon. I don't want to sleep train, just riding it out at the moment and hoping she works it out soon.