4 month sleep regression early

[Hazzy135]

I think my 12 week old baby boy is going through the 4 months sleep regression a little early. He has never been a great sleeper and was in the sleepy newborn stage for about 1 week. After about 3/4 weeks we decided to put in his room for naps swaddled as if at nighttime and this improved things a little bit he often didn't get enough daytime sleep which led to a battle at bedtime trying to put him down and stay asleep in bed. However after a couple of hours picking up and putting down he would sleep for 4-5 hours.
We have recently stopped swaddling as he was getting very frustrated by it and escaping every night and he doesn't seem to be jumping awake as much anymore.
For the past 6 days/ nights things have got even more difficult. After huge battles he's sleeping an hour or 45 minutes and constantly wants sending to sleep by breast feeding. If me or my partner try cradling him, sometimes in the day but often at night, he gets agitated and moans until he turns into a huge cry and he will not calm down at all unless he is put back on the breast.
He's just slept 20 minutes and could not be cuddled and just wanted feeding back to sleep. I know it's not a growth spurt because we have had 6 nights of it now which is too long. It's just so difficult because I feel no-one can help even though my partner tries he just gets so upset.
I don't know what to do because I can't go anywhere because he won't sleep if it's noisy out even if I push him pram constantly. He cries to be fed and then wakes up when put down and the cycle starts all over again. It's the same when we have visitors and sometimes even if I'm just watching tv. Even now if I put him down in a dark room he wakes up very soon after. Holding for 20 minutes doesn't work anymore.
Please any advice? He's too young for sleep training and I wouldn't want to leave him to cry anyway but I feel like I can't keep going on like this. I feel like I have to feed him and hold him in a dark room by myself to get him to sleep!

Hi it could be a growth spurt sometimes they last a few weeks.My youngest now 17 months was super hungry I did combined feeding so breast & formula milk
I used an electric breastpump so my husband could feed him as well and I could have a break!
I also started giving baby rice to all my children (I’ve got 4) earlier than the HV advises approx 5 months as they were hungry babies (the boxes state from 4+ months anyway)

Also my youngest started teething at 4 months which disturbed naps & night times for a few months!

Hope this helps x

In my experience they all do their own thing. Naming the stages as has become the fashion is counter-productive. Parents then worry and try to use these titles as a way of controlling the uncontrollable.

Just as you think you've got a baby cracked, they develop again and do something unhelpful...such as completely change their sleep pattern or eating habits.

Just ride it through.

Thanks. There's just so much contradictory information out there that you feel like you can't win!
I think sometimes it's good to hear from other people whose babies have been through it and now sleep again
Thanks :)

All babies go through it :) the information is contradictory because no two babies are the same.

After about 3/4 weeks we decided to put in his room for naps swaddled as if at nighttime

He’s not on his own when sleeping, is he?

Yes he is with a camera watching him. We decided we needed to do this for his health as he would not sleep anywhere else and was spending every day crying from overtiredness. I am aware of the recommendations but getting no sleep was not working for him.

Thinking about it it was probably about 4/ 5 weeks we did it and we discussed it with our health visitor who agreed it was the best thing to do. I'm a first time mum and stick to all of the guidelines and was very upset and worried about the decision but now I look back I know it was the right thing to do.

I think your expectations of newborn sleep are well off. But it’s your baby.

Did nobody tell you about the 4th trimester?

Yes I've read about the fourth trimester and my baby is now just coming out the other side of it. I don't really understand your comment and find it a little irrelevant. He gets cuddles and love and I carry him and hold him if he wants it.
Babies should sleep. Whether they find it easy or not, they need good daytime sleep.
My baby doesn't find it easy so that doesn't mean I should let him be awake and unhappy all day, instead I should find a way to help him sleep which is what I've had done and am continuing to do. He's a happier baby for it. We're having a tricky time again at the minute which again I know will pass but I'm just looking for any helpful suggestions from the kind people here who have perhaps been in similar situations and come out the other side.

Hi OP, I have been there and it is hard.

It may be 4 month sleep regression but honestly in my experience of babies they do go through these phases at different times (it is just common to experience a big change at 4 months) and really it doesn't matter whether this is the "4 month sleep regression" or not because knowing what to call it doesn't really help!

12 weeks is still very young and they do need to feed very often. It could definitely be a growth spurt. It could be teeth. It could be that he's having a bit of a developmental leap because from memory they do 'wake up' a lot around this time and take more interest in what's going on around them.

Do you have anyone that can come and hold him/ take him for a walk so you can sleep?

Im not sure if this will make you feel better or worse but in my experience the early months were worse on me because my body was still adjusting to the sleep deprivation and I found it so hard to function. My second child woke hourly for 18 months and I found it easier rather than harder as time went on.

12 week old babies need to be in the same room as you for all naps and nighttime sleep. SIDS is the highest risk around this age.

Baby sleep is just shite unless you get a magical baby, most don’t! Babies don’t understand that you’re tired, or that naps make them feel better. They just know they’re not tired/too tired and it feels hideous so they need you to help them out.

I will also add that wanting to be fed to sleep is totally biologically the norm, that's why they do it. There is actually a hormone in your breastmilk that helps both baby and mother get back to sleep. It's how we are designed! Please don't feel bad about it or that you are creating a 'rod for your own back'. Everything is harder if you are fighting against them rather than just responding to their needs. If he is agitated, stick him back on the boob. You may think 'he can't be hungry again!' but there are loads of reasons baby feeds - comfort, stimulating supply for a growth spurt, relieving pain - you just don't know at this age. All the best to you!

Have you tried a sling? Walking baby out in the pram go get to sleep? A rocker? Feeding to sleep? Letting baby sleep on your chest until they fall asleep and transfer to crib?

I have a 12 week old too, and have gone through it before as have a 4yo. My advice would be to use a sling and to not clock watch. My 12 wo sleeps sometimes I don't know how long for, if he's grumpy I'll feed or use the sling and I assume if he's tired he'll fall asleep. Trying to get them to sleep alone is madness imo!

Agree re: sling. Really worked for us.

Also just wanted to say that saying your 12 week old has 'never been a great sleeper' is madness! It makes me cross that new mums are given such unrealistic expectations for baby sleep and then feel like either they have failed or their baby is a 'bad sleeper'. He is a tiny baby and is supposed to wake regularly to feed. He has a tiny stomach and needs constant reassurance that his caregivers are there as he is completely helpless. Yes some babies sleep through from the first month but this is the minority!! Your baby is totally normal.

When I say he's never been a sleepy I really mean it. He was a sleepy newborn for a week!
I am well aware that he is going to be up regularly for feeds. I'm not expecting to sleep through the night. But he does not want to fall asleep never mind stay asleep.
If he falls asleep on me he wakes up and cries because he wants to be asleep. he hates to be cradled and doesn't relax his neck when laid on a chest. He will not sleep when held. He needs quiet and dark. If I feed him to sleep I have to lay in a dark room and hold him or try and put him down which does sometimes work.
I would never have put him in his room if I didn't think it was the only option. I wonder if people are so judgemental of mothers who bottlefeed as that has a higher risk of SIDS then breastfed babies as does co-sleeping which is regularly suggested on these forums. As I have said, I have discussed this with my health visitor and made the difficult decision to do this and it worked for us. I don't need advice on this. Thanks for those that have offered actual advice rather than criticism.
He very rarely falls asleep in the sling as he is too nosey to look around.
He's very easily stimulated and very aware.

Literally as writing this I have fed him and he's fallen to sleep on me and he's slept for 5 minutes before stirring and waking up crying and rooting to want to be fed to sleep again.

I think just knowing that it'll eventually pass is useful! Going to try the sling now! 🤞🏻

I wonder if people are so judgemental of mothers who bottlefeed as that has a higher risk of SIDS then breastfed babies as does co-sleeping which is regularly suggested on these forums.

Planned co-sleeping following safe guidelines lowers the risk of SIDS. Suffocation isn’t SIDS and very very few babies are suffocated.

Putting your baby in his own room to sleep before 6 months increases SIDS risk massively more than bottle feeding does. But we all weigh up risks every day. Putting them in a car is statistically highly dangerous. We still do it.

Hi again OP, I would say it is slightly unusual for a baby his age (in my limited experience!) not to sleep even when in contact with you.

Have you looked up the symptoms of reflux? Might be worth ruling something like that out. Does he seem in discomfort after a feed? Could something in the milk be bothering him?

asphyxiation is SIDS. SIDS is sudden infant death through explained or unexplained reasons.

And bed sharing increases the risk of SIDS according to NHS guidelines although there are steps to make it much safer for baby.

He does have reflux but it seems to be easing off and not bothering him much.
It is definitely unusual but I really think it is because he is so curious about the world. He cannot sleep with any distractions. He will sleep on me if I sit in a dark quiet room and I have done that numerous times when he has been very tired and won't settle but obviously it's not realistic to be doing that a few times a day.

I would also suggest potential reflux, especially of he's waking suddenly and seemingly in pain/discomfort

Oops sorry, wrote my post before your most recent update appeared.

Yeah he definitely has reflux. We were on baby gaviscon but we stopped because he seemed to have a bit of tummy acce with it so might be worth giving it a try again after a bit of a break.
I was really hoping someone would be like ah my baby was like that! He's just so nosey! He doesn't relax. In the sling it's a fight to get him to relax his head on my chest, he tenses and cries when cradled most of the time so it's hard to rock him and he holds his head up when on my shoulder and just peers around like a little meerkat. If there is something to look at it'll keep him awake.
I'm not giving up on anything and keep trying because I know that babies change all the time so one day miraculously he might just fall to sleep in my arms!
To be honest I would love that. I would love all the sleepy cuddles but he doesn't seem to want to sleep like that.

That's interesting he'll sleep on you if it's dark. My son was a bit of a nightmare and slept on me or strapped to me (as I had a toddler at the time!) for all his naps until about 8/9 months when he would go into the cot. I seem to remember him getting to an age when he would sleep much more deeply and also go back into the sleep if he woke as though he understood he was tired. Now he still wakes once or twice in the night but when he's actually asleep he would sleep through an air raid (he's 2)

It might just be you need to ride it out for now though I do realise how disheartening that is to hear. Needing dark to sleep is manageable if you get good blinds/ curtains in his room for the day time. It's hard now as he is young and has short wake windows but soon when it's 3 or 2 naps a day you can just make sure you're home for them where possible?

Only other suggestion I have is white noise, which massively helped both my babies. It masks other sounds so they don't get disturbed by any other noises and helps them link sleep cycles. You can get portable ones that you can clip onto the pram too.