Just after some reassurance

[munchymoo]

Hey ladies, as the title suggests I just want a bit of hand holding and a place to share. Have 10 week old DS2, DS1 is nearly 4. Baby is EBF and generally sleeps in bed with me following safe Co-sleeping rules etc. We do have a bedside co-sleeper crib which sometimes I’ll put him in esp if my DH is doing a shift to give me a break eg between 9 and 11pm.

I find when we bedshare I do sleep, but lightly and me and baby do ping each other awake a bit with our movements. I can get him settled in bedside crib but I think I have sleep anxiety in that when he’s settled I then lie next to him on tentahooks waiting for him to stir and inevitably wake up. He seems to only do 45 mins to an hour in the crib yet when in bed with me he’ll sleep for 2 hours.

Anyway I should prob just carry on bedsharing full stop as he sleeps longer but last night thought I’d give crib a crack! Got him settled, got back into bed and then lay awake for an hour unable to sleep myself. He then woke up and I felt the most immense surge of frustration and had to leave the room and went to get my DH to take over a) as I didn’t feel in control and b) didnt want baby crying to wake older child up.

I feel like such a failure. Yes I’d been up for the best part of 2 hours feeding, holding upright and then settling and lying awake, but that’s not the point. Some of my friends spend most of the night awake and yet I crack at the first hurdle and lose my sh*t. My tolerance for frustration maybe isn’t great.

I know I did the right thing in leaving the room but I feel such a failure for having to get DH even though he didn’t mind!

Please can anyone just help me feel better, feeling low about my coping ability today and need some hand holding xx

Anyone?!

You're doing absolutely fine. Everyone has moments like that, perfectly normal. Sleep deprivation is no joke!
Doesn't sound like you cracked or lost your shit either. You got a bit irked so got your other half to help out - also perfectly reasonable!

Sounds like you're doing a great job. Lack of sleep is cumulative so after 10 weeks of this it is bound to catch up with you. Many of us have felt like you did in that moment (like you might lose control) and it can be scary. You did the right thing stepping out of the room and asking for help.

Also 45 minutes is a typical baby sleep cycle. So if he's doing 45 mins in the crib try to resist picking him up when he stirs for few minutes and he might settle back for another 45mins. Eventually he should sleep for 1hour 30 before waking properly. When DS is asleep have you tried some deep breathing exercises to calm yourself and help you drift off yourself. Just listen to your DS breathing and your own and try to relax. You can do this. You've done it before and you know it gets easier as DS gets bigger and can take in more milk into his tiny tummy.

Thank you for this ladies. Xxx

I know the anxiety thing well and even now at nearly 2 and a half, I don't tend to sleep well until DS has woken as i'm just waiting for it.

Sleep deprivation does also do terrible things to your state of mind and your patience levels- remember it is used as a form of torture!

You are programmed biologically to sleep lightly if close to baby (and to listen out for them!) and if you're both doing better bedsharing and happy to do so, carry on- saved me and DS completely from some pretty bad places