Please talk to me about sleep training.

[thecatwiththesilveryfur]

DS used to be an amazing sleeper, but he hit five months and everything has gone to hell. His sleep is now completely erratic, but the most common thing is for him to wake at about three or four and refuse to go back to sleep. He's cried for two hours tonight while being held, cuddled, rocked, until we've finally given up and got him up for the day. He will now be hideously overtired all day.

He's not hungry. The room is warm enough, dark enough, etc. What do we do? I'm due back at work soon and I just can't cope on this schedule. How do I manage daytime naps when he's been up since 3? Do I let him sleep as much as he wants or wake him up so he'll sleep at night?

Please help!

Why are there voting buttons?! This isn't AIBU! Please don't vote that I'm unreasonable, I already know that!

There really is no easy answer and sleep training is, imo, fruitless for you at this time. Consider this if you will, I woke at 4-30am I have a lot on my mind, so when I woke my brain was comprising lists of things I need to do.... Christmas, shopping, birthdays you know the stuff we are all dealing with. Your child's brain is the same at the moment, he is taking in life and invariably it is becoming overloaded and waking at ridiculous times. Keep doing what you are doing, stay in the bedroom as long as possible , we would get up at 5am, no earlier if absolutely necessary and in time it got better. Watch out for signs of tiredness and let him sleep as he needs to. Follow his rhythm, rather than getting tied in knots about routines.

You say he isn't hungry, is that because he is feeding earlier in the night? It might be worth giving him a feed just to get him back to sleep, if that works, and then trying to cut the daytime sleep? How much does he sleep during the day? If 3 hrs, perhaps cut to 2.5 hours (30 mins AM, 2 hrs PM)?

Teething?

Oh thank you for the replies!

I realised I didn't say how old he is - seven months - and I probably should have said that he still feeds to sleep. He used to feed until peaceful and then I'd put him down awake and he'd put himself to sleep quite happily, but recently he's started crying if I do that so I've been feeding more or less to sleep.

He doesn't feed overnight and hasn't needed to for a long time. Even tonight, when he screamed on me for two hours, he wasn't rooting. During the day he has three naps, usually between twenty and forty minutes. He's never been any good at sleeping during the day, but that didn't matter so much when he slept overnight!

Teething? Probably- they usually seem to be! - but as soon as we switched the light on and started getting up he cheered up, so I don't know whether that's it? He has just done an absolutely magnificent poo, though, so maybe that was it!

I just sort of feel that if he's so unhappy even when we're there - he screamed for two solid hours while being cuddled last night - we might as well try sleep training? He's crying anyway, and that might actually help him for the future?

What time is his last nap? It might be that he is just isn't tired enough to sleep 12 hours from 7am if he has a late nap?

Yesterday he didn't have an afternoon nap (tried to put him down at four but he wasn't having any of it). Usually he naps at about three, three thirty in the afternoon?

I tend to try to put him down 2-3 hours after he woke up from the last nap. We don't have a rigid time routing because it depends on what time he's woken up that day and how long each nap has been. Just now, for instance, he slept for an hour and a half. Should I have woken him after half an hour, which is when he would usually wake up?

I'm just beginning to feel really useless at this mothering thing. He used to be the happiest baby imaginable, and now he's just sad a lot of the time and I don't know why.

My 2nd and 3rd both lost the plot at 7 months. Total shock as DS1 slept through at 9 weeks and never really woke up again (I was so smug 😂😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️)
We’re in Australia and they have sleep schools here where you can go for 4 nights at a time, totally amazing, run by midwives.
But, their website is really good, Google Tresillian, they have factsheets you can download for each age. They’re not about crying it out, but they are about sleep cues, self settling and knowing what they are.
I had pnd with DS2 and they saved my life.
Remember every child is different, my 3 slept through at 9 weeks, 13 months and 17 months. Be kind to yourself and try and rest when you can

Tresillian looks amazing, thank you for the recommendation!

The thing I never know what to do with is when you soothe them, and put them back in their cot, and they scream hysterically. How do you manage that when they won't go back to sleep because they're so distressed?

I had to have my daughter awake by 4pm for her to get 12 hours from 7pm at that she, so I would usually keep her morning nap short (9.30 to 10) so that she could sleep 1.30/2 to 3.30/4 otherwise we would also get the early wake up.

It's something you could try, you can always go back if it doesn't work!

@thecatwiththesilveryfur: I just pick back up again until they stop and then try again. You can wait until they are in a very deep sleep too but my arms get tired!

NoGuarantee, thank you so much for the advice. I feel so lost with everything I read that it's good to hear from someone who has had success!

Optimistic Friday night bump for anyone else who may have any thoughts!