No sleep routine

[OopsieDaisyB]

DD is 5 months and has no sleep routine, no set nap times. She has slept through from 6 weeks. She has a pattern of sorts, usually falls asleep between 8 and 10 and then wakes up around half 8, has a feed then sleeps half 9 to 10ish, plays to a feed at 11:30/ 12ish then will sleep on me for a bit then is mostly awake until about 4, has a nap and then we have been trying to bring her bedtime forward bit by bit (last night she was asleep at 7)
I keep being told I need to sleep train her, put her down at x time and walk away, make her nap at certain times. But I find it so hard. She sleeps through the night so is less interested in sleep during the day so I put her down when I see she is tired and don't force it. Am I doing it wrong? I am a ftm and feel I'm being judged for not having a set routine and that I'm doing a terrible job.
I'll be returning to work in Feb and am panicking that my relaxed style at home will bite me in the arse!

Never had a set routine with DD. Never gave a toss about what other people thought either.

Sorry haven't made times very clear
8/10pm - bed
8:30am - wake and feed
9:30/ 10am - nap
11:30/12 - feed/ mini nap
4pm - nap (although this can be any time between 2 and 4!)
8/10pm - bed
She seems to just love sleeping all morning until around 12, having a feed then being awake all afternoon bar one power nap!

Mine slept midnight till noon. Suited me.

Do what suits you. There’s no right and wrong.

Following! Exactly the same! DS is 5 months next week. Sleeps well at night, feeds at 3 and 6. Have just been letting him do what he wants in the day. If I spot him looking tired I try offering him a snooze. If he falls asleep I let him. He hasn’t really been a problem so I haven’t really felt the need to do anything further. Am I setting myself up for all kinds of problems later??

Thank you! I feel like I'm such a failure because "x goes to bed at 6:30" and "you need to put her down at y time and just leave her" and "don't feed her to sleep, don't play her a lullaby" "you can't do that when you go back to work"
All opinions unasked for too.
It works for us the way is it but I am sensitive to other peoples comments, always have been!

Seems fine if it's working. People like routine because otherwise they find babies cna get overtired and then find it even harder to get naps in. That's the only benefit and it doesn't seem to be a problem for you so I wouldn't worry!

It's funny because all other areas of my life I am very punctual and organised and like everything just so. But with my DD I very much like to go off what she needs, last night she wanted a nap at 4, today she wants to play so I let her. I never thought I would be so relaxed about when she does what!

I suppose the only thing will be when she wants to drop the late nap and then you might find a bit more of a set routine works so they wake 8am, nap 10am for an hour, lunch midday and nap 1 to 3pm or something but just see what happens when you get there.

I did my nut in with my firstborn panicking about naps and schedules and routines. Your attitude sounds healthier to me.

Brush them off. Or start commenting on the things they do.

“Don’t put the milk in first”
“Why are your ornaments arranged that way?”
“You’re eating Marmite?”
“Why have you parked like that?”
“Why don’t you wear more neon green?”

They soon get the hint.

Or just do the head tilt-“I don’t think so”-shrug routine

My DD is 6 months and doesn’t have a set routine per say. She does she have a predictable pattern like yours; up for the day between 6-8am, awake for 2-3 hrs then nap, next waking 2-3 hrs before another nap and then she either has a third nap and goes to bed for the night around 7/8pm, or she’ll skip the third nap which brings bedtime forward to circa 5pm. Personally I don’t see the point on foisting exact times on them, if you’re happy with things as they are and she’s happy it’s all good :) You could always shift things forward a bit a few weeks before you go back to work so that she’s getting up earlier and going to bed earlier.

Lol at the neon green! 😂

Thank you very much for your advice! It's nice to know I'm not actually a terrible mother for having no routine. I'm trying to coax her into a slightly more clear cut one for my return to work but I still have 3 months yet for that and she seems to adapt to change very well.

I feed to sleep at night and have never sleep trained. My baby is happy and doing well / sleeps really well and it works for us. Don't cave into pressure and as long as it works for you that's all that matters.

My children are 7 and 3, never had a routine when they were baby's, after a while they just settled into their own pattern and I just planned stuff around that.
Welcome to motherhood where other mums like to tell you what to do and how you should do it!
Sounds like you're doing absolutely fine, do what works for you and baby.

Hang on, if your baby sleeps there's no problem. Especially not if everyone's happy. Routines and not feeding to sleep and pushing the pram anti-clockwise round the park while hopping on one foot and chanting is for the ones that don't sleep.

I guess my main worry is going back to work and DD being in Nursery.
I worked in one where all babies had one nap in the day. They were given lunch then a bottle then straight to sleep and woken two hours later if still asleep, admittedly most were far older than my DD will be. But as she is at the moment she tends to want to sleep all morning and play all afternoon. I imagine that could be annoying if all nursery's have a one set time a day for naps. (Which I always found a little odd when you had 9 month olds and 18 month olds being given the same amount of sleep)

Basically she is doing a 12-hour stint at night. If you're trying to bring it forward gradually and you're going back to work then that probably is sensible if you work office hours? The times will just change, won't they?

I've found through our experience and from friends that nurseries will follow your routing in the baby room but not once they move up a class. So probably, in the end, her hours will be more like 6 or 7pm to 6 or 7am (as nurseries aren't open later than that at night) but over time.

I work in a school so my hours are tricky. Supposedly 8:30 - 3:30 Mon to Weds then 7:30 - 6 Thurs/Fri. However before Mat leave I was there till 6 every night. I've dropped the extra hours on Thurs/ Fri so I'm hoping to manage half 7 to 4ish everyday when I go back. So pushing her bedtime forward should fit nicely.
Good to know about the nurseries, the one I worked in didn't seem flexible to babies routines. The nap schedule was the same in the baby and preschool room.

Would you consider a childminder? Ours was able to keep to our schedule a bit better when we discussed options.

I would love a childminder, we could afford that better than a nursery. None in our area unfortunately!