Not coping (19-month old wearing me down)

[AriadneO]

Here I am back on the sleep board... we thought DD's sleep was finally improving, she was sleeping from 7.30 to 5.30, but she's now back to her old tricks and waking at midnight, then 2, 3, and refusing to go back to sleep.

I end up bringing her into our bed (booting DH out), but she doesn't even always sleep then. Often she will sleep 10 mins, cry, sleep another 10 mins, and so forth.

What do I do? I'm pregnant (early days) and so, so tired all the time. It's making me short-tempered with everyone, and I don't like being this way, especially not with DD. Does it get better? Nobody around me understands - not other parents, not my parents, not DH's parents; I feel very alone with my sleep-challenged baby.

Hopeful bump?

What usually happens when she wakes up? What's your bedtime routine at the moment? Ds went through a phase of night waking when I was 12 weeks pregnant. I was shattered and anaemic so I do understand how shocking you must be feeling.

Have you tried starting off with her in with you? Following the safe cosleepimg guidelines obvs. Both of mine slept well in with us, and went easily on to sleep independently.

Thank you for the replies. When she wakes up, DH will usually go in first and offer a pat or hold until she falls asleep again. This usually works if it's before 3, but not after. When this fails, she comes into our bed with me and I pat her until she falls asleep. I used to breastfeed her back to sleep but haven't done this now for quite a few weeks and she doesn't ask anymore.

@katmarie did the phase last long?

How old is she? My 2.5 month old has just started sleeping through. I wrote down for a week how long he slept for each night and what had happened the day before to work out a pattern. I discovered that if he had an early nap in the day OR went to bed really early- like 6pm
He would slee through the night. If he didn’t nap and then went to bed at 7/7:30 he would be up at 12, then 3 and often not back to sleep. So I now either walk around just after lunch to force him to sleep for an hour or start getting him ready for bed at 5:30 with an aim to him in bed for 6- both ways now have him sleeping till 6/6:30 am which is like a miracle for me

Sorry he’s not 2 and a half
Months, he’s 2 and a half years!

Haha @redbirdblackbird I was gonna say, 2.5 months and sleeping through sounds like a miracle. DD is 19 months. I do keep a log on the days I'm with her (she's with a childminder 4 days a week) and am unable to discern any particular pattern...

Haha I know! Does she have a nap?
Try putting her down earlier that really helped us. The first night I thought I was really going to pay for it but then he didn’t wake up. Anything is work a try!

Isn't there a sleep regression around eighteen months? Could she be teething?
I have a similar age gap to you (20 months) and had HG so I understand how rough you're feeling. We just went with it in the end - if the toddler wakes up, just stick the iPad on, everyone in bed together then one parent can sleep and the other doze. And then on days where my husband could work from home and on the weekend he always took the toddler downstairs so I could sleep on a bit. And in the evenings he always did bath and bedtime so I just had to wash up and tidy up then I could sit and rest or go in the bath. It's really hard but this too shall pass.

@AriadneO
No advice I’m afraid but handhold as my 18 month old is exactly the same. I’m not pregnant but do have an older child which also brings challenges!

Currently I’m going to bed at 8pm every night in order to get at least 3 -4 hours of joined up sleep. I’m still absolutely exhausted and feel as though I’ve got no life at the moment! It’s souls destroying isn’t it? And no one else gets it. They say oh she’s not sleeping through, by now? And roll their eyes which makes me feel like I’m the worst parent in the world.

If it’s any consolation my older child was a dream sleeper so you’re hopefully due one of those with baby 2 🤞

Thanks for everyone's support and nice words. I just really needed to vent and feel better now.

@redbirdblackbird you know what, let me try that. I'll try putting her down 30 mins earlier and see if it makes a difference. I suppose in my head that's counterintuitive, but babies work in mysterious ways. Can't hurt!

@Imabitofanexpertatpeppa I'm praying and praying 🙏🏼 for a better sleeper/easier going baby this time!!!!!! I experienced mild PND with DD as she was so difficult in lots of ways. We wouldn't be without her of course, and love her as she is, but I really hope the next one is a dream baby 💭

It lasted a couple of weeks, so not long at all in the grand scheme of things but hell at the time. He was 17 months at the time, so there maybe something to the sleep regression theory. We ended up giving him a few early nights, and shortened his nap, which seemed to reset things and he went back to sleeping through after maybe two weeks of wakeups.

I feel your pain, my 19month old DD is a nightmare at the moment - screaming when you put her bed and randomly screaming overnight and then getting up outrageously early. Then during the day she's clingy and whiny and exhausted. I'm also exhausted and snapping at her and her older sibling all day long.

We've started to let her cry to be honest. We learned from her brother after trying everything else, it was better just to let them cry. The amount they cry gets shorter each night until eventually it's either very short or not at all. It's hard and horrible at the time but I genuinely believe it works (for my children at least) and is best in the long-run for everyone. Cry it out isn't popular on MN though...

I don't let her cry in the morning, if it's after 5am I get up with her and take it on the chin. I've had to adjust my life to this though as the early rising has been going on for months. The screaming is a new thing.

@ThanksAllTheSame I agree with you, just need to let them cry sometimes. We did this when DD was around 15 months to cut down on night-time feeding and her sleep improved. We've tried the same approach this time but she now stands up and shouts mummy, and I can't bear to listen to this for more than ten mins tbh. Do we need to persevere, do you reckon?

In my own view, yes I think you do. It's so hard, my DD can shout 'mummy! duddle!' and it is heartbreaking but I find going through just prolongs things.