I've had enough...

[Businessmum52]

Hello

I've read many posts on forums and this is the first time I've become so fed up that I have to reach out.

My daughter has never been one to sleep much or early and the first full night of sleep was when she was 2. I thought things would improve but she still slept late and would wake up in the night.
I put her in nursery so she could get rid of her energy but she would take a nap around 6 and then be awake until 12am. Even without the nap she wouldn't be sleepy until at least 11pm.

She started school in September and I thought waking her up at 7:15 and being in school all day would tire her out. Nope.
Sometimes, she would fall asleep exhausted in the car (20mins ride home) after school and then go to sleep at least 6 hours later. Which is at 12am.

I have also tried keeping her awake, with no naps and she still doesn't go down until 11 and sometimes later. But it's never without a fuss, it takes a long time.
I give her a shower, I give her warm milk and sometimes read a story. But then she will just get out of bed and start playing with her toys. How do people stop their kids doing that? She's actually so fresh despite hardly sleeping. I get tired putting her to sleep and I don't get my own me time.

I'm really fed up now and I just don't know what to do. Some parents complain about a child sleeping past 9 and I don't think mines ever slept before 9.
I know that she's very observant, curious and feels like she doesnt want to sleep because she'll miss out on things. She's also really clever so no tricks work anymore.

Do you think she has a sleeping disorder? She's not a hyper child.
I'd appreciate and help or advice.

Thank you

Hi, I didn't want your thread to go unanswered. I don't have much advice I'm afraid but perhaps make sure there's no toys in the room or anything else that she may be distracted by and be tempted to get out of bed and play with.
My son can sometimes be hard to settle so I've recently started using some kids relaxing bedtime videos on YouTube which I switch on for him, stroke his back and within minutes he's fast asleep! There are loads of these videos on there, have a look. The sleep train one is amazing! Very relaxing to listen to!

I have no answers, sorry, but wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

My situation with ds is a little different in that as a baby he was a brilliant sleeper and napper and slept 7-7 from a very young age. When he got older though, at about age 4 or so, things changed and he would be up and down at bedtime, dicking about and what have you. He struggles to settle to sleep and has been known to still be awake at 1a.m. reading and getting up and down to use the toilet.

Last year he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (without the hyperactivity) and that answered loads of questions - we were stopping him from reading in bed bug without that he couldn't settle his mind and would find it near on impossible to fall asleep.

He's nearly 9 now and tbh we decided years ago that all we can do is provide the space and time for him to sleep but we can't actually force him to do so. As long as he's in his room, is quiet and calm and is not actively keeping himself awake then it's fine with us. Since we stopped battling with him, bedtime is calmer, we're all happier and he's not stressed and anxious about it. He now usually falls asleep at around 10p.m.

I'm not suggesting your dc has adhd or anything but what would happen if you took all the exciting toys away, leaving only the quiet, boring, calm ones and just leaving her to it? Might it be worth mentioning to your gp and asking for support?

Other than that, I can offer you solidarity and let you know you're not the only one

What about bribery? Like a sticker chart with 3 objectives? If she gets all 3 for 5 nights in a row then she gets a prize?

Download a few children's sleep stories and night time guided relaxation for children. Maybe bird sounds or water sounds.

If you have an Alexa try Moshie twilight. It plays sleep stories, soothing sounds, and guided relaxation for children.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. Sorry I didn't get any notifications otherwise I would have replied sooner.

Memoriesmemories -
I will try the videos on you tube but I'm sure she will just tell me she doesn't want to listen to it or will start playing with or asking for my mobile.
The hardest part is actually getting her into bed. If she goes in, I know she'll fall asleep but before that it's like running around after her.

TheElfFellOffTheShelf - thank you for your kind words. I can relate to how my daughter finds it hard to go to sleep. She will find any excuse not to.
I think if I left her with any toys she would be up half the night or she would get into our bed and start jumping around. I think it might be worth speaking to a gp.

Reader1984 - I will try that! She does like getting dojo points from school so that might work. Thanks.

Utunoranti - I used to play those when she was a baby and it used to work wonders until one day it didn't work. I don't think she will listen to that anymore but might try some sleep stories.
We already read to her but after one book she wants to read another. We are just finding it so hard, especially since I have a business to run and my husband works.

It may be that she has a sleep problem but I would first try to establish a very firm routine and see if you have any luck before seeing a GP.

It sounds like she's having a whale of a time taking up all your night chasing her around and getting to play with toys and your phone. Going to sleep is boring so try to make the alternative less exciting. Bath/shower, milk and one story before goodnight. Take the toys away. Music, white noise or audio books could be relaxing but I'd be wary of using a tablet or phone if she is going to be able to access it and then use it to play. Screens are incredibly stimulating to children so I'd be removing any screen time for a good few hours before bedtime. If she does get up after you've said goodnight then calmly take her back to bed with a 'bedtime now, love you' and don't allow yourself to get engaged in conversation or distraction, children are masters of it!

Before putting changes in place I think you need to talk to her and explain what's happening and why. At her age she can understand that both she and her parents need sleep to be healthy and happy. Definitely put a reward chart in place and a treat if she manages to stay in her bed.

Hope it goes well and you all manage to get some better sleep :)

Thank you for your advice.

We do stop her watching any screens about 2 hours before we want her to sleep and also have reduced sugary items.
I turn off all the nights apart from her lamp but she will go and turn them on even if we are in bed.
She used to sleep in her bed until a few months ago and now she will only fall asleep in our bed. Then I pick her up and take her to her bed. Sometimes, she would also come back to our bed in the night.

Sometimes we would be in bed with her for over an hour (and we'd fall asleep) but she would still be awake.

At the moment I do have a routine - give her a shower, milk and then one story. But theres always something she would do to avoid sleeping, even picking a fight about something really silly like finding her missing puzzle piece.

She is quite understanding and clever I think thats half the problem as she makes her 'own decisions'.
I have explained to her a lot of times and she realises shes sleepy in the morning when I wake her up for school but just seems like she has a problem with sleeping. I will try the reward chart and will see how that goes.

Thank you