Desperate for help!

[meredithgrey1]

My 5 month old DD will not sleep. She won't go in her cot at all, she wakes the second we put her down and if we put her down awake she won't stay calm no matter what we do.
We co sleep but she doesn't sleep then either. She doesn't really cry, she just doesn't sleep. I'm so exhausted it's making me a terrible mother. I feel physically sick, I have a constant headache, I always feel dizzy and spaced out and I don't go out much because I daren't drive. I'm impatient with DD during the day. She won't co sleep for naps and only naps on my chest. She cries every time she's put down so I hold her pretty much non-stop. I get screamed at when I put her down to go to the loo, get a drink, make lunch etc which I assume is at least partly because she's exhausted. I cry most days and just now worked myself up into hysterical sobbing that brought on a panic attack. I just need sleep!
She's only 5 months so I guess too young for any kind of controlled crying. I'm not sure I'd want to do that anyway but I need to do something. All I keep hearing is that it won't last for ever but that's not helpful when I feel like I physically cannot do this anymore. I am genuinely worried about my mental health severely deteriorating if this continues.
What do I do to get her in the cot and sleeping?? I'm not expecting her to sleep through the night, but even a couple of 3 hour stretches would be such a significant improvement on what we have now.

(I did see my GP about PND and got referred to talking therapies, who gave me an online programme that patronisingly reminds me of the importance of sleep and making time for myself, which makes me want to hurl my phone out of the window.)

You poor thing. Sleep deprivation is so hideous.

My first was like this- for 6/7 months barely let us put him down and spent 90% of the time he was awake crying constantly, partly because he was overtired.

We also found out he had silent reflux- could this be a possibility with your DD? Gaviscon and Colief both helped us.

We sleep trained at 7 months and it was life changing. If I was to go through that again I would sleep train at 5/6 months as most sleep consultants seem to suggest that's the best time to do it. It was hard for a couple of nights but after that he's slept brilliantly since so overall is happier and well rested, for us it was worth it completely.

Sending sympathy because it's really difficult having a baby who won't sleep independently at all. Hope you make some progress soon.

We sleep trained before they age. Advice had changed so much in the last 15 years. Our DCs always slept in their bed in their room. Even for naps. Wasn't perfect but this seems like a nightmare.

Thanks. What sleeping training did you do? I've contemplated Pick up/put down but it feels like I would have to pick her up about 100 times and she still might not sleep. Do I just have to push through that?

I'm not sure about silent reflux, she maybe has some of the symptoms but only mildly. And she doesn't seem to fuss any more when she's lying down than when she's sitting up. I think she is just really tired because my husband takes her every weekend morning and he manages to get her to sleep on his chest for 2-3 hours and she wakes up smiling and is much happier. During the week when she naps on me I can only ever get 30 mins out of her and she wakes up crying and is then tired and grumpy all day. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!

Try Ferber. Worked wonders on my bad sleeper when he was 6 months old.

We had a firm routine established. So bath bottle bed. Cuddle, into bed with same music every night. Some kind of night light. I'd tidy up in their rooms while they went off to sleep. And I'd then tidy in the corridor or whatever so not far away. No interaction with the baby so you're just a presence.

They'd sleep til about 11pm. Night feed, nappy change. Back into their beds with minimum input.

Next feed we stretched as far as possible. So we'd let them cry a bit to see if they'd go back to sleep by themselves. Step in before hysteria though.

The aim was to get them to 5am. Make it another night feed if possible.

Nap after breakfast at the very first eye rub or yawn.

Same after lunch.

After nap a good long walk (dogs) in the pram. Then back onto night routine.

The wheels fell off with DC1 at 14 months when she stopped sleeping when I was 9 months pregnant. DC2 was an easy baby as a result.