Newborn constantly overtired- tell me it gets better

[FortheloveofJames]

Not necessarily looking for advice just a hand hold and for someone to tell me this will get better!

Just had my second DC, she’s 5 weeks. My DS was DIFFICULT, as a first time mum it was a total shock to the system. He was a total 4th trimester baby, and we coslept, breastfed and baby wore our way for the first 3 months. I am under no illusions that newborns are easy, and was more than prepared to do it all again but now I’ve had DD she is just something else.

She just will not sleep during the day, no matter what I do. I have literally tried everything there is. She screams in a pram/car till she’s wet with sweat. Won’t sleep in the cot or sleepyhead. Won’t sleep in a swing or chair. I’m more than happy to hold her while she sleeps but she won’t even sleep then for more than 20/30mins at a push. Even in the sling she wakes after 45 mins. She is constantly knackered and cries ALL DAY LONG. She won’t even lie down and sleep with me during the day co sleeping. Literally nothing works. I know she’s overtired and needs more sleep but she just won’t sleep not matter what I do. I’ll rock her/bounce her for ages, she’ll close her eyes and then it’d like you can physically see her body fighting it. She squirms and almost doubles over in my arms trying to burrow in. It’s like she just cannot relax enough to actually go to sleep.

It’s soul destroying hearing her cry all day and watching her be unsettled. And you never get a break because she doesn’t nap. Life feels miserable right now and I just can’t help feeling how unfair it is that my baby is like this and other people get it easier ( which I know is ridiculous but I can’t help it)

Someone tell me this won’t be forever.

My friend had a baby like this.

Firstly, I feel for you. I found it hard coping with her baby while she went to the loo. I have no idea how she stayed sane. You and she are amazing women.

Secondly, that baby is now easygoing and happy. Well, he’s also scarily quick and entirely fearless! But he’s transformed.

He’s one now. I wish I could remember what age he improved. Months ago anyway. But I’m sure this will pass for you too.

45 min sleeps are ok, just have lots of them. So give her 45mins awake then back into the sling for another sleep.

My first was a little bit like this but my second is somehow the "perfect" baby. I think many times a day that I would be struggling so much if she was "difficult". Its absolutely like being held hostage in your own home. Shudder. I don't thibk it's at all ridiculous to thing this time round you were owed an easier ride!

Ok what I do know is even at 5 weeks My easy was pretty whingey and easily overstimulated. Couldn't put her down a lot, had to take her away from noises and lights quite quickly after she woke up etc. By 8/12 weeks they do all tend to be calmer.

Secondly is any part of you thinking reflux or cow's milk protein allergy? I know they can be overdiagnosed but I have lost count of the number of threads I've lurked in where babies like these end up being transformed when something underlying has been treated. I actually dont think its "normal" for a baby to cry all day and fight sleep like that.

My DD was similar and didn't nap for longer than 45 minutes until 10 months. She was and still is very inquisitive. I tried to do lots of little naps with as little stimulation as possible, regularly held her facing a blank wall.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Sling only works if physically out and about, for reasons unknown doesn’t work it I’m just at home. I have a toddler so and it’s winter so we can’t be out all the time, although we do go out every afternoon so she can try sleep in the sling.

@1Bobbinwinder she’s on reflux meds because HV said sounded like silent reflux, she seemed to improve for a few days but I feel that was coincidence now. That’s what I feel this just can’t be normal. I’m not expecting her to sleep for hours all day but I’ve never known a baby like this. It’s so hard to enjoy her at all when literally all she does is cry.

Wow, a toddler too. This weather is shit for having to be out, isn't it.

Are you breastfeeding? Sorry I did see you weren't looking for advice but I have to agree with you it just doesn't sound right.

@ 1Bobbinwinder yes and I already feel terrible he barely gets to go near me. Yes I’m breastfeeding, she doesn’t even get drowsy on the boob, never falls asleep on it. I’ve spoken to the doctor but they just focus on the fact she’s putting on weight. I get the feeling they think I’m just not coping, because I always get the ‘are you struggling with your mood’ chat. When really who wouldn’t be struggling with their mood in my position?

Try walking up and down the stairs with baby in the sling and patting her back.

Hmm, I'd be thinking about a cows milk protein allergy. Doctors can be rubbish at diagnosing and supporting with it as it's hard to know for sure as babies get different symptoms. It would be worth cutting out dairy and soya from your diet for a few weeks to see if it improves. I know that's difficult this time of year but if she's anything like my first, I would have tried anything. How are her poos?
There is a great cmpa support group on FB that saved my sanity.

What's she like at night? (btw my DD was like this, little beady eyes determinedly open)

My desperate last resort was stick the hairdryer on whilst feeding... good luck this too shall pass

My desperate last resort was stick the hairdryer on whilst feeding... good luck this too shall pass

@Junobug yeah I was thinking about this, and I know what group you’re talking about. I was part of it as suspected my first had CMPA. I went dairy free for 2 months so would be more than willing to do it again. Her poos are fine, no mucous or blood or anything. No rashes either.

@Simkin at night she will eventually go to sleep anytime after 11, in bed with me. She then just feeds on demand through the night, I don’t keep track or count the times, but no long stretches or anything. She doesn’t cry or need settling, I just put my boob in and we go back to sleep. Only way I’m surviving this right now thank god.

This sounds dreadful. No great advice - although mine is a crap sleeper, he doesn't cry constantly. Does she sleep in the car? Do you have anyone who could take a turn with your DD so that you can nap and/or spend a bit of time with DS, just to help your sanity?

Sounds like my DD - thankfully my first so I didn’t have to deal with a toddler too. Many sympathies.

Things that helped with DD:

1. Getting her tongue tie diagnosed and snipped. She was putting on weight fine so it got overlooked but it was making her very windy and (I think) never really full enough to feel sleepy at the end of a feed. Do you have any concerns about your DD’s latch? Is she very windy?

1. A loooong walk in the buggy at least once a day. She would scream and fight in the buggy for a while (longer depending on how overtired she was) but then would conk out and sleep. As long as I kept moving at all times. Does your DS go to nursery, or does he have a lunchtime nap, if so maybe you could fit in a long walk at these times? Or if not, even doing it at the weekends might help.

1. Routine. I intended to be baby led but found I couldn’t go off DD’s sleepy signs as she didn’t have any - just went straight into manic overtired mode. So I needed to follow a routine, at least roughly, to know when my best chances were of getting her to sleep. (On the other hand trying to do Ms Ford nearly sent me over the edge as she has no advice for people whose babies wake after 10 minutes rather than 2 hours...)

1. Time. The older they get the less sleep they need and so the less of a problem this will be. Unlike every mum I know, I celebrated the dropping of each nap because naps were such a fight and failure. It WILL get better, you just need to survive this.

Does she sleep at night?

Sounds like my DS- my first so I did just spend last winter pacing with the sling! I have miserable memories of visitors coming when he had been awake 6 hours and attempting cuddles with a screaming baby.

Couple of ideas- for a period around 2 months feeding to sleep then putting him down on tummy for naps (where I could keep am eye on him) worked sometimes.

My other breakthrough was that although he hated being swaddled I found he loved being in his snowsuit in the sling as it kept him cocooned. By16 weeks I was able to put him in the pram in the snowsuit with music playing and rock him to sleep- and eventually managed to ditch the snowsuit! Obviously not ideal for indoors but I know there is a Merlin magic sleepsuit that I would have invested in if I'd discovered earlier.

Hope it gets easier soon. On the bright side it does seem to go fairly quickly from the time when they should be asleep 20 hours a day to only needing about 3 hours of daytime sleep, which is a lot more achievable.

I just wanted to update this thread incase any ever comes across it looking for hand hold. Can’t tell you how many threads I came across about babies like mine and was so wanting to know when it got better.

After 5 months of HELL, DD literally became much calmer in literally the space of a week. She’s by no way an ‘easy’ baby, but the colic nightmare has ended and I feel like I can finally cope after months of being on the edge. So if you’re reading this in a similar position, HANG IN THERE. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for this and for the update! Its made me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel!.. my 2 month old is exactly like this..fights sleep, overstimulated easily, cries ALL day most days...has difficulty in relaxing enough to have a nap longer than half an hour, despite all the gadgets and gizmos we use.
He is on medication for silent reflux which seems to work but made no difference to his sleep etc. I just wanted to ask if it was milk protein allergy in the end?.. my HV suggested this but he has no rashes, poos are fine etc and has gained a lot of weight so doctor doesn't think it's that.
Thank you :)