11 week old won't nap

[Rhimarie]

Seriously losing the will to live. First time Mum. My DD will just not nap. She was a typical newboen in the early days, falling asleep anywhere and everywhere without warning(it was bloody great). Progressively it seems she has been fighting naps more...went through a stage of wearing her all day at about 8 weeks but even that has fizzled out. Recently the only way she will nap is if she is rocked continuously for about 40 mins and she will still scream her head off during this time until she passes out which only lasts max 40 mins if I keep a hold of her. When the screaming gets too much I put her in the car a d as long as I stay above 40mph and never have to stop then she might get 20 mins. It is KILLING me. My back feels broken. I dread every day waking up, knowing its this battle again. It's making me hate my partner for being able to enjoy his life (he can't help because she only screams more in his arms). She sleeps well at night, usually waking twice for boob. If I'm honest I think she only sleeps well at night due to exhaustion of no naps in day.
She shows signs of tiredness max 30 mins after waking so I never leave her past that before trying for the next sleep... But she always fights it and lives in an existence of over-tiredness. I love her so much but she is destroying me and I worry that if I don't sort it, she will never improve.

Hi. Could she be refluxy/early teething/growth/developmental phase?

Our DD is also 11 weeks and her naps have changed. She went from being asleep for 3/4 hours at a time through the day and night. Then she dropped her daytime naps and slept in stints of between 6-8 hours a night. With smaller naps before we woke for the day.

Now she is going back to having a 3/4 hour nap early evening and night times have gone back to 2-4 hour stints. I think she is starting to teethe.

I absolutely feel your pain. I have a 14 week old who really struggles with his naps, but things have gotten a bit better over the last couple of weeks (I have pretty much dedicated my life to getting him to nap - it's not been fun). What time is your baby going down at night time, and what time are they waking up? Just wondering if you could shift bed time a little earlier to make up some sleep? We have shifted bed time to 6:30 and that's helped a little.

Hi @Kimberleigh. I had considered reflux before but then because she sleeps so well at night I assumed that ruled that out as she would have symptoms at night too? Is that right? I was hoping a development phase when things first changed but she's been this difficult for at least two weeks now - can they last that long?
Is your baby breast or bottle? I wondered whether mine was teething early due as is now drooling a lot and brings everything to her mouth, although she doesn't seem in pain often. Just cranky and overtired

@hodgepodge21 it's nice to know I'm not alone.. Although I wouldn't wish this on anyone What would you say your little ones nap schedule is then, roughly? I'm ashamed to say we don't have an official bed time. Because of the overtiredness being such a regular state, there is no routine at all. Most evening by 8pm she will have fallen into a deeper sleep on me after a period of cluster feeding but if I try to put her down she will still wake and cry. So I keep her on me until I go up to bed about 9pm where we Co sleep. She doesn't stir when this happens and we go into(usually) a pretty chilled night with two feeds. Her wake up time is so changeable too, even if she's fallen asleep same time at night. She was asleep 730pm both last night and nightbefore. Today was up and refusing to go back down at 430am but yesterday I got a lie in to 630 with her... No rhyme or reason

We are a bit routine obsessed which I know isn't for everyone, but we have had our little one on a bedtime routine since he was about 3 weeks. We do calming bath, feed in a dark room then into his cot for bed around 7. He used to fuss and we had to keep repeatedly resettling but he has got into a good routine from about ten weeks he goes to sleep within ten mins of putting him down - no crying or anything. It might be worth starting a bedtime routine, you can put her in a bassinet downstairs with you or stay upstairs or whatever suits! And just stay persistent and hope she improves! Just wondering if a good routine at night might improve day time sleep, as she may get better sleep and learn to self settle a little bit which will mean less rocking to sleep during the day! Our nap routine is aimed at him being put down in his cot/pram etc every 1hour/1hour 15 and then we either attempt to let him self settle (resettling if he cries, not letting him cry it out or anything like that) or just rock him to sleep if that's impossible. The earlier naps are much easier to get him to fall asleep by himself so maybe work on those first (alongside bed time) and just do your normal thing for later naps. We have gone from 2 or 3 x 25 min naps a day (where I had to use a dummy and rock like a mad woman) to 4 x 45 min-1hour naps (2 of which I usually manage to get him to self settle within 30 mins). It's taken about 3 weeks of dedication, not been going out as much etc etc but in a much better place and I am feeling more sane! Baby sleep is literally a nightmare isn't it, I feel grateful he is good-ish at night but day time is a different matter!!!

Oh and also! I think it is development but sadly not a phase. When they are tiny they can just sleep whenever and wherever but it's like when they get to about 2 months something switches on and they need to "learn" to sleep. I've been reading so much into how to encourage them to self settle and how it's such an important skill. I am terrified of being that woman rocking her 3 year old to sleep all the time. Worth reading into self soothing and self settling there's loads of gentle ways to teach them.