Ferber Method Experience?

[Sleeplesssleepseeker]

Interested in experience with the Ferber Method please?

I do understand the anti-sleep training POV so would respectfully ask that anyone who wants to tell me it's cruel please don't!

Particularly interested in hearing from those who went from bedsharing with a breastfed baby to baby in cot using the method. How did it go? How long did it take to have a positive impact on sleep? Any tips? I do have the book and have read the key chapters, but interested in personal experiences.

My 10 month old is a dreadful sleeper and wakes hourly, or more. Also will only contact nap. My husband and I have agreed to try Ferber for a week and see if it improves matters. We'll be moving baby into a cot in their own room. I'm not expecting sleeping through the night but a reduction in wakings to 2 or 3 would be enough to start with!

I'm quite nervous because it's not my usual type of approach (this baby is DC2) but it's a bit of a crisis situation. We (as a family, including DC1) can't carry on as we are and I don't think we have it in us at this point to carry out gradual sleep training, which could takes months and months. I'm genuinely on my last legs and having some incredibly dark thoughts at this point and my health has deteriorated significantly too. We don't have any support, I don't have anyone who can take baby during the day so I can sleep (which is always the advice that is proffered by those decrying the use of sleep training methods I find) DH does what he can to ease the situation but he's really struggling too as he has a stressful job and no downtime.
Anyway I am blathering on here trying to justify myself, which was not the point of the post!

Well we seem to have dropped from the three short naps in the day to two longer ones. 2 hrs in some instances! Such a difference.
Last night he didn’t wake till 0320!! Which was amazing. He sounded like he was going to stir at about midnight so we warmed some EBM for him, as we’d decided to get DP to do that feed to see if he settled better than when I put him down, but he just on off cried for about 3 minutes and then went back to sleep. A waste of EBM, but honestly I don’t mind as he slept so well!

That said, he had a 40 min feed at 0320, was coughing when he finish at 0400 and proceeded to vom everywhere! So by the time we’d had the side light on, changed the bedding, changed his and my clothes, he’s sat in our bed thinking it’s play time 😩

@babycatcher411 that sounds really positive! How's it going now?

I'm afraid I have given up on cot naps because I couldn't cope with the crying. Naps started out well and she had a few long ones initially (1hr +) but then she started crying for longer and sleeping less. So 30 minutes crying for a 30 minute nap... it really didn't feel worthwhile. I can cope with 15 minutes on/off crying at bedtime if the payoff is a full night's sleep for her. So I'm back to boob/sling/car for naps for the time being, and I'm actually feeling better about the whole process for it.

Our last couple of nights have been a bit interesting. Night before last we started the day at 5ish due to a poo. Last night she woke at 3ish and wouldn't go back down, even after a feed. But she's got a nasty cold (and had also done another poo!)... so I fed her back to sleep in my bed and she eventually went back to sleep for another 2.5hrs next to me. I'm hoping this is an illness blip!

Can anyone explain the ferber method in a bit more detail please? From what I've read you put the baby down awake, allow them to cry before going in, and then try to settle without picking up? Are you able to use a dummy to help settle?

Touch wood- we’ve won on the going down front. 6 nights running I’ve put him down and he’s only grumbled as he’s rolled over and got himself comfy on his tummy, then he’s gone.
We had 3 nights of sleeping till 0300ish, which seemed amazing, but last couple of days we seem to have added back in a feed at about midnight. Which is still a massive win compared to how regularly he was feeding before.
Only down side 0600hrs is now wake up time 😩 where before it was usually more like 0730/0800.
Can’t win them all hey!

@babycatcher411 sorry if you've said this before but how old is your LO?

9 months :-)

Well last night was a turn up for the books. We had a lateish evening as was at my sisters for dinner, I could tell her was tired on the way home. After getting him ready for bed, I was giving him a feed and he fed for about 5/10 mins then was just continually messing around, whinging, crying, just not wanting to be help, and it occurred to me for a second that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to go to bed.
So I put him in his cot, he rolled over, and went to sleep! Amazing.

*held

@babycatcher411 that sounds amazing! Well done!
Mine is 14 weeks so a lot younger, but sleeps terribly and it's gotten worse as she's got older. She used to wake up 2-3 times a night in her next2me crib, now she wakes up immediately and will only sleep on top of me, basically with her face in my boob. I'm not sure whether to try something like this method, or whether it's too early. I just worry that as it's getting worse, I'm creating really bad sleep associations..

@notsleepingbeauty sorry you are having a tough time with sleep. 14 weeks is still very young for CC type sleep training IMO. Dr Ferber doesn't recommend his method until babies are six months old.
Personally with a baby that age I would safely bedshare if all else fails. Although probably best not to listen to me as I was still bedsharing up until the night we started Ferber, and DD will be 11 months soon.

@babycatcher411 that's amazing! I'm a bit jealous as DD is still crying. Generally not for long but I am longing to get to the "roll over and go to sleep" stage. She's got a cold currently so although she's going to bed OK she's waking later in the night so I have been feeding her. I have absolutely no issue with doing this (it's just doing it hourly that I struggled with), except that I worry about confusing her! Hoping that she'll naturally go back to sleeping through once she's feeling better.

I tried the ferber method with no success, and i switched for hwl method by susan urban, which is easier to implement. I only regret that I didn't read a book describing this method, or I didn't came across the fourth trimester theory because this is a real gold!

Hi @Sleeplesssleepseeker

Did you literally go cold turkey from night feeding and co sleeping? Or was it gradual?
And would you recommend reading the book?
We are scraping through life thanks to another cold and more teeth! Just feel like there is never a good time but am desperate to start making some positive changes

@TumTummy yes, we did go cold turkey. Which sounds awful but wasn't nearly as awful as I was expecting. We did spent lots of quality time in her new room/cot beforehand so it was a familiar space at least.

The book is definitely worth a read. You don't have to read it from cover to cover and there's a guide to which chapters to focus on, depending on what your particular issue is. The ebook (new expanded addition) was only £1.99 when I bought it! I felt more comfortable with the plan, after reading the book.

After a run of tricky nights we had a really good one last night. About 3 minutes to fall asleep and then sleep through until 6:10am. One little cry at 4am but she shouted once and then went back to sleep.

Still plugging away here for anyone following.

We're in a reasonably good routine here with a 7pm bedtime, bit of crying still before she drops off. She's not STTN, but I am totally OK with that. She's still sleeping bloody well, a totally different baby to a few weeks ago. I'm still feeding her at night if she wakes after a long stretch of sleep, as that is what feels right for me.
Unfortunately she's often waking around 4:30-5am which is tricky as she's not easy to get back down at that time. Night before last she woke at more like 2am which was much easier as she just went back down to sleep after a feed, with a few cries. Last night she woke at 4am and after I fed her she cried on and off for over 30 minutes, which I absolutely hate, but she did go back to sleep and then woke just before 7am. When she wakes at that awkward time, I have tried taking her into bed with me but actually she takes longer to settle doing that, so trying to keep that as a last resort or for nights when she's poorly, etc. I don't want to confuse her.
We were having a lot of pre-bedtime tears (she was crying during the bedtime routine) but lots of cuddles and her favourite book seem to have helped with that. I'm also trying to condition a lovie for her.

Naps I'm still doing the old fashioned (sling or boob) way. Which I'm fine with generally, I enjoy the cuddles and having that closeness with her. My only concern about that is when she goes to nursery in February.

Overall I am glad we did this. The biggest change really is that I now have an evening to myself, rather than going to bed with her and being trapped in bed all night, unable to move for fear of waking her. That bit of freedom has made a huge change to my mental health. And being able to sleep in my own bed, move around and get comfortable, sleep on my back, etc. And also being available in the night for my eldest, if he needs me (he's recently been poorly) - obviously DH can tend to him but as his mum it was difficult not being able to do these things (or to do them but to do so have to leave a crying baby with DH).
Also I think she's benefiting from solid, undisturbed sleep. She's perkier in the day and full of life and character. I definitely don't feel like the bit of crying she's still doing is damaging her!

Your experience sounds really similar to mine, Sleepless, except our little girl (6 months) goes down at 6 pm - she's ready by then! Since we did controlled crying she usually sleeps until 2 or 3 am before she needs a feed. We've had the odd weird night where she's woken more often but I think that's possibly because she's almost crawling and it's making her brain go into overdrive! Could be a growth spurt too I suppose.

She usually wakes again at 5 am and at that point we've had no luck resettling in the cot, so she does come into the bed with us then and usually sleeps until 6.30/7.

We haven't tackled the daytime naps yet and even if I feed to sleep we don't have much luck getting her down in her cot, so I usually lie down with her or she sleeps in sling or buggy. We will maybe tackle that in the new year once all the upheaval of Christmas etc is out of the way. She is going to nursery in late January too and I'm not sure how it's all going to work! She's been exclusively breastfed up until now and although we've started weaning and she's drinking water from a cup I'm not sure if she'll take milk from it at nursery. I'm sort of pinning my hopes on the staff knowing a few tricks!

I've been reading this with interest as I'm currently having an awful time with my DD and have just posted in chat about it. I can't believe that I'm contemplating CC because I'm naturally more inclined to the bf, cosleeping, gentle methods, but my DD is 17 months and hasn't got that memo, she is up in the evenings screaming her head off whether I'm there or not. Like you my mental health is plummeting and I'm having awful thoughts of wishing I was dead

Read thread with interest thanks OP. So glad to read you've had amazing progress

We are having a HELLISH time with 11m old DS, bedtime is the particularly bad bit, it can take 3 hours to get him off and he is hysterical absolutely sobbing. During the day he is such a sweet placid boy and at night he just changes and is so desperately upset.

My problem is he is exhausted by 6.30pm so we do the whole bath, book, bottle (I introduced a bottle after BFing waa turning into hours in the evening) then cuddle then into cot sleepy. No matter how exhausted he is he just pulls himself to stand or sit and starts pulling himself back and forth on the bars shouting. I go in and calmly cuddle him then put him straight down shhh it's sleepy time now. This can take 30/40 times a night. It's horrific.

What does the method say to do in this case? I do occasionally leave him to cry when I'm absolutely at breaking point but he just gets worse and worse until he is shaking with tears 😢

@Pleasehelpiamgoingmad you poor thing. I can totally relate, I just wanted to run away, escape, it's really not fun. Like you I leaned very much towards a more "gentle" approach, but I was genuinely at crisis point. I honestly think now that it's worth a try - I think you can tell if it's going to work for a particular baby. I did have a half-arsed attempt at ST my first born (but only for naps, his nights were always manageable but he didn't nap) and he was hysterical within minutes and took ages to calm down. DD hasn't got herself hysterical at any point.

@doadeer - with Ferber you wouldn't pick him up once you put him in the cot. You can go back in and comfort him at increasing intervals. You can do back patting and use your voice, but don't stay longer than a couple of minutes. Then you leave again, and if they're still crying you go back at the next interval. The intervals gradually increase each night. Ultimately you continue that until they fall asleep.
But, although we have had success, I generally don't think it's the "right" approach (whatever that is) for every baby and parent combination. As I said above, I couldn't do it with my son because he went bezerke and just kept going. No breaks in crying, just screaming hysterically. I quickly abandoned it because I couldn't do it. Some babies cry more than others and I think some parents manage better with that than others. The only reason that I've been able to persevere with DD is because her crying hasn't been too full on and the transformation in her sleep has really been worth it IMO.

I meant to say, you can tell pretty quickly if it's going to work for a particular baby. We said we'd try it for three nights initially, and I knew in my heart that if the first night involved extended periods of full on crying, I would have stopped it.

No judgement meant to anyone who has pushed through with a hysterical baby either, it's just beyond my personal comfort level!

It had the opposite effect for us. She would just scream and scream and I kept going in at the right intervals but it didn't work. We even got in a sleep consultant and she couldn't get it to work with dd. I used to go to work on 3,maybe 4 hours, of interrupted sleep after it and she became much clingier in the day too.

DD was an awful sleeper and coming out the other side, I do strongly feel it is developmental. But I did try every book and theory going and paid so much money on professionals.

I'm glad it worked for you OP. I know what it's like to feel at the end of dispair with sleep. I just wanted to put in my story in case this gets searched later.

Tonight was night 1 of trying with my 11mo and hoping you mums with Ferber experience (good or bad) could give some advice?

Bedtime - cried for 3 min, went in for 1 min, asleep within 7min total
First wake up (8pm) - cried for 3 min, asleep within 5min total
Second wake up (930) - cried for 90min, I gave in and stayed with him till he fell asleep (only about 10min at that point)

I could barely handle listening to him cry for 5min, let alone 90. So just curious what others experiences are with babies taking so long to settle? Did I ruin it by not continuing after 90min? Maybe this just isn't a method that will help for him? Or are there success stories?

Anyone? I'm trying to persevere tonight, but feeling like maybe I'm being a horrible mum putting us all through this??

Hi @Livingoffcoffee

We had agreed that we were going to do Ferber as soon as Nye was over but after getting back from lots of traveling and different beds over Xmas, I thought I would try her in her cot on the first night back. I lay on a mattress on the floor mostly in silence but speaking every now and then so she knew I was there. Then I did the same for every wake up. Think we had an hour of crying on the first night in total. However, we have gone from co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand and waking up to once an hour to 1-2 wakes a night in her own cot in 4 days (she is also 11 mo)!
I guess what I did was "disappearing chair" but what I liked about it was I knew that she wasn't crying out of abandonment but just annoyance that I wasn't helping her. I think as long as you set rules for yourself and you don't end up helping baby get to sleep, you can't "ruin it"