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Sleep

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Original poster

Ferber Method Experience?

85 replies

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 18/11/2019 12:32

Interested in experience with the Ferber Method please?

I do understand the anti-sleep training POV so would respectfully ask that anyone who wants to tell me it's cruel please don't!

Particularly interested in hearing from those who went from bedsharing with a breastfed baby to baby in cot using the method. How did it go? How long did it take to have a positive impact on sleep? Any tips? I do have the book and have read the key chapters, but interested in personal experiences.

My 10 month old is a dreadful sleeper and wakes hourly, or more. Also will only contact nap. My husband and I have agreed to try Ferber for a week and see if it improves matters. We'll be moving baby into a cot in their own room. I'm not expecting sleeping through the night but a reduction in wakings to 2 or 3 would be enough to start with!

I'm quite nervous because it's not my usual type of approach (this baby is DC2) but it's a bit of a crisis situation. We (as a family, including DC1) can't carry on as we are and I don't think we have it in us at this point to carry out gradual sleep training, which could takes months and months. I'm genuinely on my last legs and having some incredibly dark thoughts at this point and my health has deteriorated significantly too. We don't have any support, I don't have anyone who can take baby during the day so I can sleep (which is always the advice that is proffered by those decrying the use of sleep training methods I find) DH does what he can to ease the situation but he's really struggling too as he has a stressful job and no downtime.
Anyway I am blathering on here trying to justify myself, which was not the point of the post!

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 18/11/2019 12:38

Is it controlled crying where you go in at regular intervals or are you planning on leaving to cry without going in? I think it's a big jump from cosleeping to a cot in another room especially if you are leaving to cry.

Original poster

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 18/11/2019 12:42

dementedpixie it's controlled crying, so go back in at increasing intervals and stay for a couple of minutes, then leave. I wouldn't be comfortable using and extinction method where you leave them to cry without any comfort. I mean I'm not 100% comfortable with controlled crying but having read the book I am willing to try it.

OP posts:

Janus · 18/11/2019 12:50

I did this years ago and it worked (dd still woke about twice a night but she was also waking more than every hour before that). It was hard! I actually went to my mums so she could help in the day and I grabbed some more sleep. It gets worse before better (or at least you can feed them back to sleep every hour quite quickly before you try this method!). You can decide yourself how long to leave it before going in and how long to soothe for so I adjusted so that it was a very gentle start as mine was also breastfed and I felt it would be too much of a shock. I think it took us nearly 2 weeks to get to the level of waking twice a night and by that I mean down at 7, up again about midnight, up again about 4am. It’s definitely worth a try?

StylishMummy · 18/11/2019 13:01

We did controlled crying with both but didn't extend the intervals.

Put down awake
Wait 3 minutes
In for a cuddle but don't speak/ don't offer boob or bottle
Put down
Wait 3 minutes
Etc...

Took 33 minutes first time
15 second night
3 third night

Both were around 10 months old. Revolutionised sleep for us!

Original poster

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 18/11/2019 13:02

@Janus, thank you that is really helpful. I definitely feel it's worth a try. I can cope with it getting worse if there is a good chance it will then improve IYSWIM?

I do seem to have stubborn children though and I am worried about prolonged periods of crying, but really hoping it won't be as bad as I am imagining.

OP posts:

suspended · 18/11/2019 13:09

We did this for DD from 6m and it worked wonderfully.

Long relaxing run up to bed, a bottle, cuddle, reading a book to her, bath, etc.

Stage one was to put her into cot in own room, kiss goodnight, sit by cot with hand on chest but no eye contact or speaking.

Stage two we Then removed the hand on chest but sat next to cot.

Then sat further away. Then left the room.

Obviously if child distressed would comfort by saying 'it's ok, good night' every so often. But did not pick up so child wasn't getting a reward for crying.

Shes still a fantastic sleeper at 8 years old but still wants that routine and run up to bed (bath, book, one on one time)

Janus · 18/11/2019 13:31

Personally, as long as I could go in and soothe and then keep going in to lie them down, I felt like I wasn’t just ‘leaving them to it’. I honestly think I’d just fed her to sleep since she was born and she had no clue how else to go to sleep so I had to help her work it out. Good luck!

Whatwillbetheendofus · 18/11/2019 13:38

Yes success here too. We were at our wits end, baby about 7 months old, in own room, breastfed, staying up all night or up every few minutes. Followed the me this exactly. It too 3 nights, getting easier each night. I think there was about 70 mins crying the first night but in a few awakenings, maybe 30 the second and very little the third. Had to do it a couple of times since ( now 2.5) but only for a night. We'd had no sleep since the 4 month sleep regression so were on our knees like you. I'd definitely give it a go, I believe if it is going to work for your baby you will know in a couple of nights

Whatwillbetheendofus · 18/11/2019 13:41

*Followed the method exactly

2019canfoff · 18/11/2019 14:09

We did this, best thing we ever did!
1st night took 46 minutes
2nd night took 18 minutes
3rd night less than a minute.
DS was 8 months old, he's almost 2 now and is a great sleeper

Good luck!

Original poster

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 18/11/2019 14:50

Ah, thank you so much everyone. I was expecting loads of negative responses, so all these positive stories have definitely made me feel a bit better about it.

@Whatwillbetheendofus - hope you are right about knowing if it will work for baby or not in a couple of nights. Fingers crossed.

@StylishMummy that sounds more like "pick up put down" method, Ferber is not picking up. Thanks for the input though, we could always modify the method if it doesn't seem to be working.

Those of you that did it, did you also follow the book for naps? I don't know whether to focus on nighttime and continue contact napping, or to just do both at the same time. I'm a bit worried about caving in during the day when DH isn't there to hold my hand! Although book says only allow 30 minutes of trying for a nap and then abandon it and move on... which is a scary thought in its own right... meaning potentially no naps. Argh!

OP posts:

Whatwillbetheendofus · 18/11/2019 15:14

Mine wouldn't nap before doing Ferber, unless in the car or being pushed round. You'll be pleased to know that immediately after doing Ferber at night she started napping in her cot in the daytime!

Whatwillbetheendofus · 18/11/2019 15:24

And to anyone who doesn't agree with it I tell them that she screamed for far longer every night before we Ferberized than after. The guy is a high up children's doctor somewhere in Canada or the states so does know what he's talking about, it makes a lot of sense, having to learn to fall asleep in the middle of the night in the same conditions you went to bed in. He uses the example of going to bed in your own bed then waking up on the living room floor, of course you're going to freak out and struggle to get asleep

Whatwillbetheendofus · 18/11/2019 15:25

During I should say not after

Janus · 18/11/2019 16:32

Maybe the ‘pick up put down’ refers to if they are standing up in the cot, you do have to then pick them up to put them right back down again, ie not taking them out and cuddling but just laying back down.
I can’t remember the naps so well! But I do think it should be the same, ie don’t feed them to sleep, feed say in a chair and then put them down to sleep in cot whilst still awake.

Whatwillbetheendofus · 21/11/2019 16:43

How's it going op?

Original poster

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 21/11/2019 19:28

We haven't started yet. For various reasons DH wants to wait until Monday night to start. I'd like to get started sooner TBH (so I can stop worrying about it!) but as DH is taking the lead (in terms of doing the check-ins etc) I've agreed to start when he wants. He's arranging to work from home that week so I won't be on my own doing naps either.
Thanks for checking in. I will update with how we get on.

OP posts:

Whatwillbetheendofus · 21/11/2019 21:04

Good luck x

drowsy · 21/11/2019 21:15

Early days for us here, but we used the method last week with our almost 6-month old. 35 minutes of crying the first night but she's put herself to sleep in a few minutes every night since. She's breastfed and in a crib in our room. She still has one night feed but our nights are so much easier than before.

We haven't worked on daytime naps particularly but she does seem to be more likely to stay asleep if we put her down in her crib now.

What I would say is that we'd been doing a bedtime routine for quite a while and I think that really helps - she seems to know it's bedtime.

I was quite anxious about using the method but after hearing success stories from friends and family we decided to try it. A couple of them said it worked in one night while others had to persevere for a few nights.

Livingoffcoffee · 22/11/2019 21:28

Not to hijack your post op, but does anyone have experience of this working with a baby that's sitting up in his cot?

I think we need to start this, but not sure how it will work with DS as lately he sits and pulls himself up in his cot - but can't always get himself back down

Original poster

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 23/11/2019 09:54

@drowsy that's really encouraging! I really do hope we have a similar experience. I am just expecting hours and hours of crying. We're going to go all in and do naps in the cot too. I am currently nursing her to sleep for her first nap and I am so fed up with it now. I have to lock myself away in the bedroom with white noise blaring. I miss spending quality time with my husband and DC1. The cuddles ARE lovely but the lack of flexibility and being responsible for facilitating all her naps are is not.

@Livingoffcoffee hijack away. The more the merrier! DD can stand up in her cot (although she can sit back down again), so I'll get back to you. The book my have something on this, I'll have a look!

OP posts:

drowsy · 23/11/2019 09:59

Honestly it's like magic! I really didn't have high expectations but it's odd how it happens. The first night I thought we were in for the long haul but it really wasn't as awful as I'd imagined. Now she just grizzles for a bit (a few minutes) then turns her head to one side and she's asleep!

wasthataburp · 23/11/2019 10:02

We used this method with both our kids from about 5 months and they both sleep solid 12 hours. If they do wake then it's a little cry for a few secs and back to sleep.

It's totally worth doing and won't be nearly as bad as you are expecting. Just a couple nights and you will be sorted. It's all about changing your own mindset as well I thought

Selfsettling3 · 23/11/2019 10:02

The guy who invented it said it doesn’t be used before a year. Babies that age need milk over night, how will you decide when they ‘just’ need comfort and when they are hungry? This is not a criticism but a genuine question for when the time comes for us to consider it.

BlackSwanGreen · 23/11/2019 10:04

I did this with DS1. It improved his sleeping a bit, but certainly wasn't a magic solution for us.

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