If you didn't sleep well as a baby, do you have a baby of your own who doesn't sleep well either?

[GreenGlassGoblin]

I've been wanting to ask this since I read an NCT book on baby sleep. My mum got it out of the library for me, thinking it would be reassuring as it went (without criticising) through all the options from 'extinction' Cry It Out to a very AP take them into bed and go with the flow.

But there was a bit in it where it basically said that if you (the mum) didn't sleep well as a child it was likely to be you that caused the problem. I'm not quite clear on how, but I know that my sleep problems as a baby / child (didn't sleep through till I was five) really informed the way I think about DS's sleep. I never expected him to sleep through as a baby, and was very against any form of sleep training that involved crying.

Well, I did (in exhaustion) eventually try CC when DS was over one, but it was a disaster and he still doesn't sleep through at 17 months. I feel really crap now, like it is something in my attitude or approach that has made him such a poor sleeper.

Do you think this is just self aggrandising cobblers, or could it be me? I can cope with his sleep the way it is at the moment, but would love him to sleep better, and feel awful that I might be the cause of all our stress over the last year and a half

Hey, I didn't sleep properly myself for yonks as a child. The first time I slept a whole night I was nearly two - Mum and Dad were actually scared to check on me! Just like you I didn't sleep properly until I was 4 and went to school. My Mum thinks that I just needed the extra stimulation that full time school provided - I'd been in play group etc as soon as they'd take me!

My son, now 6 months old, is a strange little sleeper - sometimes he sleeps a good while others we're back to waking several times a night. Last night was great, he woke a midnight and then went through until 6am, the night before he was up about 4 times!

I think at the end of the day every child, and every parent is different. Some babies seem to sleep through from the moment they're born, some don't. One thing I truly believe though is that when you're not getting enough sleep yourself everything is 10 times worse! You feel crap, knackered and stressed to bits, baby picks up on this - vicious circle!

I've no real advice on how to help your son sleep through- but I wanted to say "don't beat yourself up!" If you are happy with how he is sleeping at the moment, if he's happy and thriving, well then in my book you're doing a great job!

Good luck in whatever you do!

I've got one who's slept properly since about 14 months, and one who settles herself and slept through from about 6 months.

I, apparently, didn't stay in bed until I was 4. Still prefer sleeping in the daytime (luckily had a job where I could work nightshifts!)

So I've not seen a connection, but I'm all sympathy if they'd prefer to be awake, obviously.

Nah - some people are just different, and babies are people, ergo... My sister could sleep on a clothesline, and ate very little as a child. I ate everything around me, and woke up at the slightest provocation. My mum was a nursery nurse and super experienced in getting children to sleep. My elder niece is a great sleeper; my daughter not so great (very very bothered by teeth and dirty nappies, and has trouble dozing off). The one thing which has made a difference to us is sticking to a plan - which for us is patting and shusshing her back to sleep, and gradually using less and less. And by gradually I mean weeks, not days. What I hated most about bad sleep was second-guessing ourselves and hence arguing at 3am. Some nights are good, some not so much, but at least we aren't bickering about it, which certainly helps my sleep.

thanks all. It's amazing how I can be just going along OK then one silly book knocks my confidence over and starts me on total self doubt. Am thinking of TTC a second and fretting about another non-sleeper in the family (and me dropping dead of exhaustion), but will try to chill and remember they are all different Thanks again.