Toddler and controlled crying?

[stridesy]

My daughter is nearly 3. She goes to sleep with me lying next to her in her bed. I want her to start sleeping independently. We’ve had two house moves over the last three years and lots of upheaval and it was just easier except I don’t have much of an evening. I tried doing it a while back but oh wasn’t supportive and made me feel like I was torturing her...not that he helps and is able to enjoy his evenings! I’d like to get it sorted before Xmas.
Can anyone offer any advice or tips.

Just wanted to add she is the type of child that if I sat on the end of the bed she will lie on me or if I left the room she would be straight out as well.

What has led you to pick controlled crying out of all the possible approaches to sleep training? I'm not necessarily against it in principle, although I think it's a bit harsh and would probably go for a gentler method before I resorted to that one personally. But it really doesn't strike me as a great method for an older child - you're going to turn bedtime into a tearful battle with a kid who is old enough to rationalise what you're doing to her, and verbalise and push your buttons. Maybe it's just because I have a strong-willed toddler, but I can't picture it going well! Why not try something like gradual retreat? You can explain to her that you're going to practice her going to sleep without you lying next to her, that you'll sit by the bed and won't leave till she's asleep, but you won't lie down with her. You can praise any progress, to get her to buy into it, and just gradually move further away as she gets used to each step. Takes a while but surely better than turning bedtime into a crying session!

Obviously I don’t want her crying and if there’s a better way... but like I added if I sit on the bed she will join me and try and sleep near me.I once sat on the floor and she laid over me. She can be quite stubborn ie this morning she was in tears as I wouldn’t carry her downstairs as had a lot in my hands so she refused to come down.

Would she respond to bribery/sticker charts? You know your child best, but I can't see my three year old settling down when I return to her once she realised I would be bobbing in and out - it'd just be one long screaming fit!

My daughter is nearly 3.

I want her to start sleeping independently.

We’ve had two house moves over the last three years and lots of upheaval

I don’t have much of an evening.
oh wasn’t supportive and made me feel like I was torturing her...not that he helps and is able to enjoy his evenings!

I’d like to get it sorted before Xmas.

Literally no consideration for the tiny person trying to make sense of the world despite significant upheaval. Is your OH her father? Do you share a bed? Why is it okay for you, a grown adult to get comfort at bedtime from another person but not your daughter?

You are getting some tough responses here. She is nearly 3. It is perfectly reasonable to expect her to go to sleep by herself. I don't think controlled crying would work, as you would have to force her to stay in her room. I think you need to do more of a rapid return approach or just keep returning her to her bed and not engaging with her. Personally I would be arranging some evenings out so that your OH has to do bedtime to break the link with you. Although make sure she is asleep before you return! Hope someone is along soon with some more suggestions.

Oh and whatever you need, you will need very firm boundaries and she will push you to get you to cave in.

Did you take any of the advice you were given last year, OP?

Hi my oh is her father. To be fair I don’t work and he gets home at 7 or just after.
I have the added problem that my asd son who is ten still wets the bed some nights and comes and joins us so there is literally not much room!
Thanks for the ideas so far.
I think the worst of it is if she has an afternoon nap she doesn’t go to sleep until 10. Thankfully it is mostly just after 8 she falls asleep. Take her up at 7.30.

I don’t think Cc, in the traditional sense can work on a 3 year old. I mean she’ll just get out of bed I assume? She can talk to you, shout etc. It’s for non verbal smaller babies

Are you both in her bed or yours? Is it all night or just until she falls asleep?

It’s her bed. She was in ours for ages as putting up the cot and sorting her room was the last on the list. Especially with the speed of my oh and diy!

Fingers crossed...I drew some visuals. She doesn’t say many words but I’ve told her she’s a big girl and what’s going to happen. 30 minutes and me sat on the stairs and she’s still in bed and no tears yet. I’ve heard her look at my drawing. Popped in twice. She looks tired.
Can it be this easy?? I’m going to jinx it.

And asleep!!!!

Well done! The visuals were a good plan. Remember to stay firm if she pushes the boundaries another night.

Day 5 and suddenly a nightmare. Should be tired as had preschool but has been up and down like a ping pong ball. She’s been to the toilet about 8 times and it’s just gone nine o clock. Sitting on the stairs waiting