"sleep like a baby"? BULL****

[Rhimarie]

I'm a first time mum and I'm terrible at it... My baby is 10 weeks. Been trying to get into some sort of nap/sleep schedule for the past few weeks and feel like a complete failure of a mum - it feels impossible! I know every baby is different but I just can't work it out. The ONLY thing I'm sure of is that she starts to get tired after only 30 minutes of wake time and she gets over tired and cranky sooo easily. I used to think she had colic then realised I wasn't responding to her tired cues.
So now I am. 30 mins after waking or when noticing her cues, the rigmarole begins - used to be slings but those don't work now. She needs rocked to sleep. She's a big baby (born 10lb) and my back is breaking rocking for hours. She sleeps reasonably well at night,waking twice to feed.
Sorry for the rant - my questions are about nap and bed time. Recently her morning nap isn't longer than 40 mins. She tends to have a 2 hour nap around lunch time after an insane crying session and frantic rocking/swaying. Then fights most the evening. She is calm in Bath around 5pm. Then she lies on me with constant. Boob access, cluster feeds. What am I to do at night time? Just now she's been asleep since 715. We decided to leave her sleeping in basket downstairs as usually we take her up to bed and the screaming starts again until she passes out exhausted. Is this terrible? Should she be having a "bed time"? We also co sleep.. Also because I'm a terrible mum and can't soothe her enough to sleep in cot. sad I'm hoping someone is going to say they've been there and that everything miraculously improves at 3 months sad I feel like every dsy is different, no pattern or prediction other than she is always cranky and never naps. How is she meant to have any fun/play when she's awake for 30 mins and 15 mins of that is feeding..
Jeeez what a rant, sorry!!!!

Try not to think about any sort of routine too much at this point. 10 weeks old is still very young. You may find you feel a lot less stressed if you just go with the flow so to speak. I know it’s hard and you feel like you have no clue what you’re doing 90% of us feel that way too don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you are doing a great job just give yourself a break.
A routine will come eventually just enjoy this newborn bit first, it doesn’t last very long at all

@BettyBoo246 thanks for being so kind ♥

With my first ds I drilled a routine in to him at 8 weeks old , feeds every 4 hours sleep every 2 hours. Yes he slept wonderfully at night but it ruled our life and looking back I just didn’t ‘enjoy’ him I was just so concerned with him sleeping through.
With dd 5 years later I’ve let her lead the way more and I must say she is a happier baby then he was and I’m less stressed, she isn’t the best sleeper at night but one thing I’ve learnt is nothing lasts forever, the constant crying, the constant waking, the constant feeding it all subsides eventually
Needless also to say that ds now wakes up through the night at 6 years old so that routine and self settling at an early age has got us no where

At this age they can only be awake for about 60 to 90 mins but the first wake period of the day is always the shortest.

Everything sounds normal for a baby. The only ‘fun’ she needs is you talking/singing to her for a little bit. That is all she wants.

Your not a terrible Mum. You have realised that your baby doesn’t want to sleep by themselves and you respond to her needs. This is the complete opposite to a terrible Mum.

I know it is a MN classic but have you tried a sling for sleep? My DD is 15 weeks, nearly 9lb and every nap is in a sling. It’s not always ideal but it last comfy and easy and more importantly it works.

Ten weeks is so tiny! They do start to stay awake longer for play or fun but when they're this little, it's just feed, a bit of smiling at you, down for another nap.

I haven't managed to get my seven month old into a routine! It's much harder than books make out. But recognising your baby is tired and helping them to sleep is a lovely thing, even if it hurts your back. We didn't settle into "bedtime" until 16 weeks; we still cosleep.

It all changes, constantly. Some better, some worse, but none of it lasts forever. I drove myself nuts looking for patterns and it's only now she's down to 3 naps one is (sort of) emerging.

You're doing it right! If she's tired after 30 minutes, let her nap after 30 minutes. They change so fast at this age, by the time you figure out a good routine things have changed and they need it adjusting. At ten weeks, cuddling you is all the 'fun' that's needed. Don't panic. Relax. Feed, cuddle, do whatever works. It'll all be different in a month's time - hopefully even better!

For daytime have you tried a bouncy seat. You can sit on the floor next to it and make soothing noises and tummy rubs rather than having to rock. My girl slept in hers all the time. The ones these days even vibrate.

You have a tiny baby. You have done the correct thing by working out her tired cues. I always always fed to sleep for naps at that age. And then went to sleep myself if I could (with DS1). 40 mins is the average sleep cycle of a baby so she is waking up at the end of it. There is nothing wrong with her and you. Now she needs help connecting those sleep cycles. Maybe as she is stirring towards the end of the 40 mins, either start patting or feeding her again (I would recommend patting) and see if she can fall back asleep. Over time she will learn to connect the sleep cycles herself.
Instead of a routine you could have your own routine (as one would if there was a second child). This was great advice from my MIL and really helped me feel in control with DS1. Wake up at the same time, feed baby, put down briefly (or hand to DH) and have a shower, gulp down some tea. Get DH to change the baby and make you a sandwich for lunch and do some laundry before leaving for work.
Then roughly at the same time every day go for a walk. Do a feed before the walk. I used to head out at 10ish. Then roughly at the same time in the afternoon do the same (harder in the winter). Then again roughly at the same time every night massage, warm bath, book, milk and bed. Even if she wakes up 20 mins later I would feed in a dark room (cluster feeding at night is very common) and one of us would stay with her. Doing that consistently over 2-3 weeks really helped sort out day from night and both my kids have the same bedtime routine, albeit modified now. They have a glass of milk (8 and 3!), bath, brush teeth, stories and bed.
10 week olds don’t play much. When they are awake they feed. I don’t think you should bother about having ‘fun’. To them looking at your face while feeding is fun. Looking at a bright light or listening to a conversation is a lot of stimulation for their little brains.
My kids had different ‘alert’ times. DS1 has never been alert in the morning. He’s the grumpiest 8 year old at 7 am. But post lunch time feed, nap, feed he used to have a good spell when he was happy to kick about. DS2 has a slightly longer awake spell in the morning.
Finally around 12-16 weeks I kept a day time diary of feeds and sleeps to see if there was a sort of pattern (there was) and nudged both my kids on to that routine. Instead of one used by a book. DS1 needed a morning nap between 45 mins of waking up. And a short 30 mins one. And then had a longer afternoon nap. DS2 by 6 months could stay awake till 10ish and then napped for two hours, had lunch, played a bit and had a 30 mins afternoon nap. And both had a third nap till 6 months for one and 9 months for the other. And I Co slept with both. At about 8 months, I started to teach both to fall asleep without needing me, patting and then moving away but staying in my bed. Then at 12 months both moved into their own cot, same method, (I would hold in the cot and pat). The cot was in my room. And then moved out at 18 months. All involved minimal crying and both are good sleepers now.

@Rhimarie I have a ten week old baby and feel your pain. I have to rock or sling mine to sleep during the day to ensure she gets her naps and is happy when awake. At night we have no routine (even though I try), we have had the odd night where she's slept 5 hours straight (so I know she can do it and get lulled into a false sense of security), then she can't go down for more than an hour and will only sleep on me. I'm awake after a night of trying to put her down, only to give up at 4am to get some (broken) light sleep. So very tired!

Can you get a rocking chair so you don't need to worry about the back pain? May not be possible money/space wise but I'd recommend it if you can.
At least you can be comfortable and exhausted rather than just exhausted then.

You're doing a great job OP.
Don't worry about a routine. My LO got herself into a routine around 4 months but we were ridiculously lucky.

You are doing great! Mine stopped feeding to sleep at 3 weeks and it took ages to realise that he was so overtired because I had no idea what his cues were!
He often needed a nap very quickly after waking and then every 90 min after that! I found if he was over tired then he was a nightmare to get to sleep.