Husband won't allow 1 year old to sleep in his own room...

[DanyLG]

Hi,

I'm new to Mumsnet...I've only just worked out how to create a new thread..

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this issue or is going through it right now?

My baby boy is almost one and is still sleeping in our bedroom. In august we were fortunate enough to moved into a new home, so that we can all have space. I made a deal with my husband that after a few weeks of getting used to the new home we should try our son in his own room. Which i have kitted out beautifully for him. 6 weeks went by, we've been and holiday and come back, so i ask husband, and he refuses!! This isn't the first time he has refused, we've argued, he and my mum have argued about it too! The excuse he gives is that he wants to be close to our baby...that's all well an good, but the fact that he doesn't even come to bed util early morning..so hes never up in bed when our son wakes up anyway! Its getting to the point now where i want our son in his own room. We have bought a monitor and the room is literally next door to our bedroom!! He sleeps perfectly well in his cot.

Another point i would like to add is that my husband is from a traditional Indian family, and i know that it is the norm to co-sleep, and i understand. But we are not in India, we're in the UK. He won't even listen!

I'm sorry if I've waffled on, but i would like some advice. Thank you x

Tricky when you don't agree on stuff like this, it's not just his decision though is it. Except for being close to them, does he have any other reasons? Is he worried?

I found my daughter slept better in her own room me and my bf was obviously disturbing her because soon as she went to her own room she slept 11 hours before she'd be up ever 3/4 hours. She's went in own room at 6months with baby monitors. I still wake 3 times in the night to check on her best decision I made. We all sleep better and are much happier in the mornings. It's good for them to have space and peace.

It's good for them to have space and peace.

Some babies will prefer their own room. But it’s not the biological norm.

The flip side - why is the western expectation that grown adults, who have emotional regulation etc, should sleep together for comfort and bonding, but tiny children should be independent as soon as possible and spend at least 12 hours of every 24 alone?

Why don't you sleep in the other room, leaving him alone with the baby to look
After? Bet he would soon change his tune

If the night time care is falling to you, I would think the decision on how to handle it should fall to you as well.
Tell him that he either takes responsibility when LO wakes at night or he leaves you to handle it your own way.

You shouldn't dismiss his cultural norms completely tbh. Have you actually had a proper discussion about his reasons?? I'm not saying you are wrong to want it btw but arguing will get you nowhere. A calm discussion is needed. I also wouldn't get your mum involved cause it's none of her business.

I had both my daughters in room with us until two. Not sure what the issue is.

he and my mum have argued about it too!

Well, first of all, stop sending your mum to fight your parenting battles. You’ve dismissed his cultural norms but you want your mum to back up yours?

Second of all, I don’t see the issue. Your baby is tiny. It’s fine that he’s in your room.

BUT the bigger issue here is fundamental disagreements about how to parent and you need to sort that out with your DH before your child gets too much bigger.

A very important parenting rule is that you don't make work for the other parent. So you don't give a consequence that the other parent has to carry out. Or, in this case, have a 'rule' that the other parent doesn't agree with but has to do all the work to implement.

However, how does he get a say? If you are doing all the work until the early morning, why aren't you just putting DS down in his room?

What age does he think baby should go in their own room?