3½ month old, getting back to sleep and head turning

[OldNewMum19]

I'm a FTM to a DS and am struggling with a couple of things to do with sleep.
I breastfeed and we have a bit of a routine most evenings so he goes into his crib at 7 to 7.30. He'll usually wake anytime from 10 to 12 and we'll give a formula dream feed. He then wakes up at 3ish. The problem is after this feed, and sometimes after the dream feed, he doesn't go back into a deep sleep. He is dozing, tossing his head from side to side, breathing rapidly, sometimes lifting his legs. He does something similar to connect sleep cycles or as he's going from awake to asleep for naps.
Usually if I give him his dummy it will help, for a while.
Occasionally if I burp him or change his nappy, that will help.
Otherwise it goes on for hours. OH says to just leave him but I'm worried he's not getting a good rest and I can't sleep through it.

Also, I'm struggling even with just the one feed in the early hours. More often than not, I will be unable to fall back asleep, even if DS does. This is especially so if I've had to check his nappy with my phone light (blue light filter on). My mind switches on and that's it. I think I might have PND and I'm ruminating or worrying for hours. I can really work myself up. Just as I drift off, DS wakes.

So, should I just ignore it? Do I need to ditch the dummy because that's what's causing him to stir? And any hints on how to just zonk back out when he does (I try counting sheep, mindfulness, etc). He's in a co sleeper crib and I don't really want to fully co sleep because I don't really rest, am too scared. I have been given some antidepressants but reluctant to take meds if I can just do one or two things to improve sleep and so my mood.

Thanks for your help

How long are you giving him between feeding and putting him back down to sleep? His restless could be because of wind. Try keeping him upright after a feed for at least half an hour. If the dummy helps keep it up.

Take the antidepressants. They will help. I felt the same anxiety when I had my DC. A decent night's sleep does help, so if you're combination feeding get your DP to do some nights so you can get a decent sleep. Or catch up with sleep in the day when he's home.

I used a white noise app with my youngest and it actually really helped me to relax at night as well.

Hi

Thanks. I don't keep him up that long: maybe about 15 minutes after he's had a burp.
I'm worried he's relying on the dummy so half-waking when he realises it's fallen out.
My husband is doing the formula feeds, but it's near impossible for him to do it without my waking up. Usually I can drop off quickly after the dream feed, but not the early morning one.
As for the meds, I'm just reluctant if there's an alternative. I know it's said to be safe but we just don't have the long term data and I'd blame myself if he had any behavioural problems etc. I'm generally managing to minimise the impact my mood has on DS, interact with him all day, take him to groups two or three times a week, walks every day, massage him most days. It's myself and my husband that it's taking a toll on.
Thank you again

I would definitely ignore of not crying as this is totally normal baby sleep behaviour. It is really hard to sleep through the noise though. With both mine I have worn ear plugs and we sleep with white noise. I can still heart even the quietest cry/ cough or sneeze but it enables me to sleep through the fidgeting. I have also struggled with getting back to sleep after feeds because of anxiety. The earplugs do help me to relax though and just shut off a bit from what baby is doing, though I have also had anti- depressants as this is something I have struggled with all my adult life. Hooe you find a way to relax and get that much needed sleep. Resist the temptation to count the hours of sleep. Just judge whether you're getting enough based on how you feel and if you feel extra tired just try to go to bed early if at all possible.xxxx