Bed Sharing and DH

[GPatz]

I have DD (6 months) who has bed shared with me and DH since birth. I also have DS (2), who is a very early riser. Until recently, DH has been dealing with DS in the mornings whilst I dealt with DD, who was also rising early for a long feed. However, DD's sleeping pattern has changed, which means that both her and myself now sleep in longer in the morning (this is because of more night wakings, but hey ho!). DH is still getting up to deal with DS early mornings, letting us both sleep.

Now that DD sleeps in late and does not need a feed, I'd like to give DH a break and let him sleep in whilst I deal with DS. This would mean leaving him alone, asleep, in bed with DD. This is the first time I have bed shared and I'm not sure how safe this would be. We have a super king bed and DH would get at least an extra 1.5 - 2.0 hours in bed. I would be grateful for any advice!

I bedshare and can honestly say I’ve not once left DP in bed with DD alone.

He isn’t as easy to rise and is a known sleep elbower. I’d not like to think of him getting his jaggy elbows in or not waking if she was tossing and turning.

My DD is 10 months though so pretty active, it’s all about your trust in his natural instincts to kick in. A mesh bed rail at your side of the bed would be a good shout

Thanks for your advice. We already have a mesh rail along side the bed. My worry is that DH could roll. I must admit, he tends to sleep soundly in the same position without moving, but I'm just not going to trust that.

I must admit, my natural instinct is not to leave them, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

I think listen to your gut. Do you have somewhere safe you can move dd to whilst still sleeping?

My son is 2 and if I ever leave him alone with dh I'm still up checking every 10 mins. I don't know why it just doesn't feel safe!

I would say don’t risk it, a lot of advice says a baby should only share with a breastfeeding Mother as they instinctively wake when necessary.

Obviously you will decide the level of risk you are prepared to take, but be aware that bed rails are generally not safe to use for children under 18 months old and sleeping in a bed with her dad is going to carry greater risks than sleeping with you. Nobody can tell you whether it will turn out ok or not. To bedshare safely, the baby should be next to its breastfeeding mother (not next to any other adult or child/between two people etc), nobody in the room who has been drinking, smoking or taking drugs (even prescription drugs if they could have made you drowsy or induced a deeper than usual sleep), all loose covers and pillows removed from the area where the baby is sleeping, no bed rail, no gaps for the baby to fall down etc. The kellymom website has some good info and links.

That's interesting about bed guards @WhatsInAName19. The LLL website suggests the use of bed guards.

My DP co sleeps with our six month old on a regular basis to let me have some rest. It's never occurred to me to worry.

Could dh sneak into ds bed?

@GPatz I'm amazed that is the advice they are giving, given the risk of a small baby becoming wedged and suffocating. Any bed rail you buy is likely to include a manufacturer warning that it's not to be used under 18 months. I've certainly never seen one without this warning and we looked at every model under the sun when buying one for our toddler.

@Babyfg I don't think 6'4 DH would sleep too well....

@WhatsInAName19. The Lullybye Trust seem to be silent on the use of bed guards. I will contact them directly. Thank you for the heads up.

Ds 5 months bedshares from roughly 5am. If I get up to sort dd and feed cats, make breakfast etc then I wake DH first and he moves himself into a C position and just dozes like that with ds. Neither of us are comfortable leaving them fast asleep together in case DH rolls over and accidentally squashes or elbows him.

If you're going to be awake whilst they sleep can you watch them both on a video monitor? Lol

Loooool maybe he won't be able to sneak into that bed- which is a magnificent bed btw!