Gradual retreat, please help me!

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

I'm on night two of gradual retreat.
He's 10 months and wakes 6-20 times a night.
No he doesn't have CMPA. Yes he has reflux (that's a 20 wake up night if that's bad) but it's under control now and he wakes every sleep cycle. Probably caused by the initial reflux, so usually wakes 6-10 times a night.

I need to teach him to self settle.

We co-slept but it doesn't work for us at ALL.
Night one he is in his cot, no longer fed to sleep white noise, perfect nighttime routine and patted/shushed to sleep.

He woke 11 times.

Same last night.

I was thinking about the next stage of 'retreating' but I'm not sure how?? He seems pretty needy of the 'patting'.

If I just place my hand on his back he starts screaming and sitting up.

Has one done this who can tell me how they did it?
When did it improve?

No one?

Are you breastfeeding?

My son was similar and tbh I can’t remember exactly what I did - it seemed to get better over time. I was bf so started cutting out feeds and settling by patting (which you’re already doing) and getting my DH to do some do there was no milk temptation.

I think the fact he’s going off quickly when you settle him is great. You could just start patting less, so pat for a bit and then sing or ssh him so he knows you’re there. Eventually he should get the message that there’s not much point waking up for that. I think there is a regression around that age.

If it’s any comfort my son was an awful sleeper from the 4 month sleep regression until he was about 11 months, then it got better and better. He’s slept through and gone down like a dream since about 13 months (was one wake up before that). We never did any sleep training that involves leaving him to cry.

I would keep going with the placing your hand, maybe pat for 1 min then leave your hand there, and gradually reduce the patting time. The disadvantage of gradual retreat is you can get 'stuck' halfway through if you don't keep changing it.

Thank you.

I just got him to sleep for a nap by tapping the back of his hand with my fingers.

Do you think that's a step forward or step backwards from still hands on his back?!

He was asleep within about 3 mins by doing that as well so that is definitely a bonus!

Excellent! I'd say that's a step forwards, you can do that being physically further away.

I would say next step is to try to reduce / cease posting before fully asleep, then next step just some patting to show it's still sleep time and move further away/ leave the room. You can do it momma!x