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Sleep

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Original poster

Overtired baby help

18 replies

Overtired123 · 22/10/2019 19:17

Posting again here as incorrectly posted in wrong section

12 week old
We are in a cycle of over tiredness. I understand her tiredness cues and have had success in putting her to sleep as soon as I see them but she then naps for too little time meaning she’s still tired every time she wakes up (so constantly tired). She will only nap for long periods on someone, outdoors in sling or in the car. She is so happy and rested after these naps and everything is so much better.

The issues are:

she never just nods off like some babies do - she takes rocking, singing and actively putting to sleep or she fights it
She never nods off in the pram - seems to become more alert
I can get her to sleep on me for up to 1.5 hours but can rarely transfer to bassinet (she wakes after 10 mins in there)
She settles herself back to sleep at night but never in the day

Will she naturally grow out of this or should I be doing something now? I obviously don’t mind her napping on me sometimes but I’d like to be able to put her in the bassinet sometimes and get stuff done! I’d also really like her to sleep in the pram because she starts crying after being awake in it for over about 15-20 mins. She’s such a lovely baby when she’s rested but when we get into the cycle, I spend most of my time with her trying to get her to go down whilst she fights sleep!

Any tips appreciated!

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burritofan · 22/10/2019 20:07

she never just nods off like some babies do
I know of zero babies who do this. I've not taken a poll of all babies but there's a reason for slings, prams, dummies, bouncy chairs, boobs, bottles, useless dream sheep white noise toy things knackered parents and the MN sleep forums. They like to be bounced and fed to sleep. And they especially like to sleep on nice warm mummy. (And secretly I like her napping on me, I just make sure I'm prepped with a fully charged phone and lots of biscuits.)

Getting stuff done: eh, how much of it is important? DD has all her naps on me. I do stuff when she's awake and show her/involve her: it got easier when I could pop her in the high chair to watch me make dinner. I used to drag her playgym into the kitchen and she'd kick around while I put a wash on or emptied the dishwasher. If I really need to run around doing stuff, I use the sling; use it for naps too.

Pram: she hated it for ages but likes it now she's a bit older. She does some naps in it now but only outside.

I think it's normal for them to settle differently day and night. DD will feed to sleep at night but not during the day, for instance. She'll settle for her dad being rocked in the day but yells at him at night.

Original poster

Overtired123 · 22/10/2019 21:00

Thank you - I do agree with a lot of what you said. I think perhaps I am being too influenced by books which suggest that baby should sleep in cot/bassinet from early on to get in the habit. They also reference the mythical ‘put baby down drowsy but awake’.... When we go to baby groups etc, a lot of he babies seem to drop off on a playmat, for example. With mine, I feel like she’s either hyper alert and wants to play or asleep. There is very little calm/placid baby! I do wonder if she’s overstimulated when awake....

My main motivation for posting is that I just don’t feel she’s getting enough sleep and I know that’s a bad thing for both us and her development!

OP posts:

sewinginscotland · 22/10/2019 21:15

She sounds exactly like mine at that age. He's 1 and now takes 95% of his naps in his cot. He will also drop off in the car now and let you transfer him into his cot. We had a good phase of pram napping, however this morning he refused to sleep in the pram and therefore has only had 1 nap today.

I managed to get him into the cot rather than in arms at 5 months old. If sleeping on you makes her happy, I would go along with that for now. If you want to get stuff done, maybe try the sling inside? Can you walk around the house until she drops off? I always found that if he fell asleep outside, the change in temperature would always wake him up when I came in.

tigger001 · 22/10/2019 21:22

She is only 12 weeks, I would just go with whatever gets her some proper sleep at this age.

My son never fell asleep on the mat in playgroup, he was so alert and active. But he learnt to sleep in his cot in time.
Be kind to yourself and let her sleep where she can.

Loaf90 · 22/10/2019 21:27

Oh god join the club. One tip I would suggest re pram sleeping is get a snooze and shade. I think there are lots of different brands but essentially it's a canopy which minimises baby's stimulation. I only use it when DS clearly really needs to sleep when out and about. Life saver

BendingSpoons · 22/10/2019 21:31

I had a baby who would sometimes fall asleep on the playmat at groups. He didn't do it at home and sleep went completely to pot at 4 months. Since then he has not been getting enough daytime sleep many days. I'd do what works for you for now and don't worry about what others are doing. And if you figure out the 'drowsy but awake' let us all know the trick!

Original poster

Overtired123 · 22/10/2019 21:45

Thanks all. I think I am too much of the mindset where I can see what the problem is and therefore want a solution but newborns clearly are not like that! Tomorrow I will focus on getting as much daytime sleep into her as possible and see if it improves the pre bedtime crying/sleep fighting.

I think I would just really like a nice evening where I can actually talk to my husband and we can relax together for at least an hour whilst she sleeps. I guess that might not happen anytime soon!

OP posts:

OutOutBriefCandle · 22/10/2019 21:54

My daughter would only sleep on my chest for a good few months. I didn't get much sleep, and ended up on the sofa most nights. I was unexpectedly single on her birth though - so this might have made things easier, in a funny way! After a few months, though, she was happy and contented to go down on her own, and has been a good sleeper ever since. I'm not saying this approach will be right for you! But because I was on my own I had the physical space and head space - only because I had no other option - to tend to only her. In some ways, I think being a single mum can be easier! But that's another story, haha.

Original poster

Overtired123 · 22/10/2019 21:59

I cannot imagine how difficult being a single parent is and admire anyone who does it. I definitely didn’t consider the impact of a newborn on my relationship though - naïveté perhaps!

I’m now reading lots about the 4 month sleep regression and wondering if there’s any point doing anything now if it’s all going to go to pot anyway!

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Cotswoldmama · 22/10/2019 22:07

My son used to nap on me until he was about 2! Sometimes he's fall asleep in a buggy or pram. I would just make sure I got stuff done and then just let him nap on me for how ever long he wanted, occasionally I could transfer him to the sofa or some cushions on the floor. I used to make him lie on a blanket that was on me to help try to transfer! But I would only attempt a transfer if I thought he'd had a good amount of sleep so if he woke up it didn't matter!

Snowflake9 · 22/10/2019 23:13

My 7 week old son doesn't nap any longer than 15 mins alone in his crib. If he's on me he will sleep for a good hour. He is getting better, I always end his naps in the crib. So if he has slept on me for an hour, I move him to the crib. Try and settle him.back down there and it buys me maybe 15-20 minutes before he wakes and wants me again. I figure this way he will learn that he is ok to sleep in there.

I found the sling really hard on my back and he doesn't like being that snugged up. He likes to kick his legs.

I try and knacker him out now just before big bed time. I lay him, nappy off on his mat and within 10 mins he's yawning, wanting a feed and asleep. Some nights though where we haven't done alot in the day he is a bugger to try and get to sleep.

Do you have white noise playing whilst she sleeps? May help to keep her asleep a bit longer.

You are doing a good job though, remember it's all a phase !

OutOutBriefCandle · 22/10/2019 23:16

I'd say just go with what the baby wants. And enjoy that time! You've got years with your husband! Although I'm biased, and very happy on my own, and realise not everyone is like that. But that time with your baby...I'd love to have it back!

Original poster

Overtired123 · 23/10/2019 08:24

Thank you for all the supportive replies. I’m going to go with it and just let her nap on me.

I was contemplating buying an automated swing - perhaps this could help as she loves to be rocked which is murder on my back! Perhaps could be an alternative to me sometimes.....

White noise seems to help at night but not daytime for some reason.

Snowflake - what is the significance of nappy off? Ive seen it mentioned several times but not sure why!

OP posts:

sewinginscotland · 23/10/2019 09:32

I never got the 4 month sleep regression because he could self settle before then. 8 and 12 month regressions were a nightmare though. So it is worth doing things now!

A bedtime routine could get your evening. We started one at 8 weeks and he then went out like a light at 7.30.

Original poster

Overtired123 · 23/10/2019 10:41

Thanks sewing - how exactly did you establish self settling!

We do bedtime routine but I think it’s essentially overridden by the overtiredness at that point!

OP posts:

WMPAGL · 23/10/2019 21:22

OP, just posting for solidarity. My 13 week old used to be pretty good at going down after bedtime routine no matter what but threw a fit last night and is upping the ante tonight (just when my husband was knocked out with a bug, of course!)

I've had a proper sob tonight about being a terrible mother and not even able to cope for two (unusual) nights and my husband has stepped in which I am grateful for but which also makes me feel like even more if a failure!

Like you, I cannot for the life of me imagine how single parents with small babies do it. I think I'd have a breakdown!

Snowflake9 · 24/10/2019 19:49

Not sure how the nappy off helps him but I guess getting the air down there stimulates a bit more adrenaline to knacker him out.

I don't think mine is ever going to be a 7-7 baby though....

sewinginscotland · 01/11/2019 22:25

This is what I did to him self settle: [https://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/babies/teaching-your-baby-to-put-himself-to-sleep]

I don't think I got to step 5 until he was 6 months old, but I did enough before 4 months to make a difference! I liked it because it didn't really mean me doing anything...

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