I'm really struggling

[ArkLover]

I'm really struggling today.
I have a 3 month old who is an absolute angel. He has previously slept amazingly but he is difficult with it ATM.
The last couple of nights he has been rubbing his eyes when he's been so close to sleep and is waking himself up. Through the night he is thwoing his arms everywhere waking him and me up. I feel like I've barely had any sleep. I'm trying to get him to sleep for the past hour and a half and it's just not working. I've just shouted at him in frustration.
My oh is at work. Not that he is much help. He makes out he's the perfect father when out, doesn't like other people holding the baby and if someone is holding him once OH thinks it's enough he asks me to go and get the baby back by saying he needs to be fed. I then have to try and breastfeed a baby that doesn't need to be fed.
I feel so lonely doing this. The baby is EBF, I've pumped and there is milk in the freezer but OH doesn't want to do bottle feeds because he's scared the baby won't breastfeed anymore (the baby has never had one problem latching and latched straight after birth and has been amazing since)
I text OH to say I'm really struggling today and having bad thoughts and all I get back is "maybe you shouldn't put him to bed before he's tired"

Does anyone have any tips to help please?

Swaddling saved my sanity at that age, have you tried it? It stops their jerking movements that wake them up

We got some fab swaddle blankets on Amazon, a pack of 3. Wish I used them with my 1st.

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It can be so hard and lonely. I had a similar night last night where I felt absolutely at the bnd of my teether. My LO is 5 months soI obviously haven't cracked it but what I can say is that your OH absolutely needs to help you. The baby is past the period where he would get nipple confusion and as you say, this hasn't been an issue anyway. Does he help at all with the baby? Nappies, soothing, playing etc not just show-dadding.

My LO doesn't sleep for more than an hour when napping in the cot but things that have helped are introducing sleep cues. White noise, putting on his sleeping bag and singing twinkle twinkle little star and cracking out goodnight moon if he's being tricky. This usually works, otherwise I put him in a sling and he'll reliably go to sleep. Same routine for bedtime.

Our issue is staying asleep but with the help of the above he drifts off easily enough. I started these things at 3 months so don't be surprised if your LO's sleep is still a bit all over the place, it will only just be starting to consolidate and hopefully you'll find he will nap at a regularish time each day and will come to expect that so may be easier.

The rubbing of the eyes is a good indicator of tiredness but do also look up wake windows. Sometimes I find my LO is rubbing his eyes and hour after his last nap but he won't sleep until 2-2.5 hours after it regardless which can be misleading.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up too much.xxx

Hi OP,

Didn’t want to read and run.

I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time. It reads to me like there are two separate (though connected) problems here: your baby’s sleep, and the lack of support you are getting from your OH.

Your baby might be going through the 4 month sleep regression a bit early, or a development leap, or just being a baby and being annoyingly inconsistent with sleep. It’s so horrible and frustrating when they are tired and they just won’t go down. As the PP said, if the problem is flailing arms, have you tried swaddling? In terms of settling more generally, do you use white noise? Are you struggling with just bedtime or are daytime naps an issue too? Overtired babies are so difficult to get down so if naps are an issue, I would say do whatever you can to get your baby down in the day eg go for a walk and get him down in the prom if needs be.

Don’t forget, if you are getting really frustrated, the safest thing for you and your baby can sometimes be to just put him down, let him cry and give yourself 10 minutes.

Do you have anyone who can come and give you a bit of a break or some respite during the day at all?

In terms of your husband, has he always been like this or is this only since your baby has been born? Have you spoken to him about how he’s behaving and how it is making you feel?

In terms of bottle feeds, at three months, your baby has established BFing fine and using a bottle shouldn’t cause any issues (I gave my bottle a bottle at 4 weeks and am still BFing fine at nearly 7 months). In fact, the longer you leave introducing the bottle, the more you risk the baby rejecting it at only wanting boob.

I really hope things improve for you. With babies and sleep, everything is a phase (good and bad!) Just remember this too shall pass. I think the issues with your husband are more pressing and really need tackling ASAP. Xx

@Thismummyruns thank you for the suggestion. We had him swaddled as he had such a strong startle reflex and it was a god send but he's just started rolling so not an option anymore.

@SundayGirlB thank you for replying. He has been a lot better the last couple of days. I took the baby and I for a drive on Monday evening to try and get him some sleep and me some different scenery. When we got home he had made dinner and took the baby so I could have some time. Thank you for the suggestions of goodnight moon and wake windows. I'll look into those.

@NewMum293 thank you for replying. During the day he tends to sleep on me and settles really well and at night he has always settled really well in his cot. I know I need to get out of this habit with the daytime naps but the snuggles are just so lovely but will work on it.