Help me fix my 11 month old's sleep. I'm on my knees!!

[BergamotMouse]

So my baby has never been a good sleeper. Last night he must have woken every hour.

He's breastfed and when he wakes he screams until I feed him. If my husband goes in he thrashes around for up to an hour until we relent and I go in. I don't mind feeding him once or twice but 6/7/8 times is just ridiculous.

But I need him to sleep better - I'm just so fed up.

I've read the no cry sleep solution but it's a bit wishy washy.

Do i do controller crying? Have time limits on when I'll feed him? E.g 12 and 4 and just deal with the crying between then?

I don't want to do this but I'm not a good mum when I'm this tired.

(Cosleeping doesn't work for us)

I liked the no cry sleep solution, it worked for me.

What parts of it worked for you? I tried taking some points for weeks but it just didn't change anything. He can go to sleep by himself and doesn't always feed to sleep but it's like he wants a quick top up every hour. He gets angry very quickly if I don't whip a boob out!

Oh @BergamotMouse I feel for you. My son is now 27 months but I remember this like it was yesterday. He was EBF and never took a bottle. I was at breaking point. I personally don't like CIO but also understand completely that people have success with it and have close friends that have used it.

In the end I decided what was reasonable for me bf-wise. Anything within 4 hours after him going to bed (fed to sleep) I would send in my husband to settle him with a cup of water. Then after then I would go in and so forth. We got to the point where I then weaned him at night. The sleep didn't improve as soon as I night weaned but slowly it did. It was just nice not to have the sole responsibility anymore.

By removing myself (and his ability to abseil down my pyjamas to my boobs) it just got easier.

Be kind to yourself; you're not a bad mum. You're just bloody shattered and it can just be unbearable. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Xx

Thank you chefwifelife. You've got it in one!! That sounds like a sensible approach. We've tried the husband approach before but we've never been consistent and I usually go in when he won't settle.

I haven't been out on an evening since he's been born. Just feel fed up by it all!

I've been hoping it will get better by itself but if anything, it's getting worse.

Omg pass you a bottle of gin! You really do have to be consistent. I watched a video with Kate from sleep time baby on fb and the whole "what's acceptable for you" really stuck with me. Don't get me wrong as you know it's awful hearing them scream when DH is in there, but it's just a different type of torture to being in there 16 million times a night. I also found I liked DH a bit more again as we were sharing the nightmare of it.

I had this with my first. It sent me crazy - i feel for you!

Things that helped us:

Baby porridge before bed.

Not going to him straight away when he cries. Just leave it a minute before going in and he might settle (1 minute feels like forever but he'll be fine).

Also putting him in his own room helped because we were waking each other up then he'd want to be fed to sleep.

Ah also white noise.

The only time we got a half decent nights sleep was to make the little bugger custard for his supper, the powdered Birds stuff.

You have to be consistent. It can take up to 2 weeks. Send in dh every single time. 11 month olds don't need anything through the night. You have to be strong and stay away! Perhaps pick a week when dh isn't working so it doesn't matter if you are both exhausted. Sleep deprivation is awful. Discuss how you expect your husband to settle LO too, can he do pick up put down or controlled crying etc.

As a PP says decide your boundaries and stick with them.