controlled crying - is there an alternative that works?

[counago]

I have a one year old who sleeps v badly (had severe ezcema which is now improving but still itchy). Am desparate for some sleep but can't face sleep training. Any ideas?

Elizabeth Pantley -- the No Cry Seep Solution. Buy from Amazon?

Do anti-histamines help?

Sorry to be the killjoy but IME there is no way to get a one yr old's sleep to improve without a certain degree of crying (the individual level of rage depends on your child's personality, of course!)

In our house CC never worked, nor did pick up put down - just engendered an even more intense rage - and in the end all that worked was (after checking DS was not hungry and had clean nappy) just leaving him to scream himself to sleep. Took us a long time to reach that conclusion, by which time it was a case of It's Him Or Us! It worked pretty fast.

Don't know if this is the same as the Elizabeth Pantley thing, haven't read that book, but I'm trying an alternative to cc atm because cc will NOT work for dd (15 mo) - I know the theory is that all children have to fall asleep eventually but she won't - I've tried it and after nearly 5 hours she was screaming just as loud as at the start.

What I'm doing is stroking dd's head until she goes to sleep and then leaving the room, and thats what you're supposed to do if they wake at night too but she doesn't do that atm (touch wood). Have been doing that for about a week and a half and after a week or so you're supposed to progress to just a hand on the head or back until they sleep, then just sitting by them without touching, then sit nearer and nearer the door etc, then sit right outside the door until they're going to sleep alone.

It obviously takes a lot longer than cc but IMO its a good alternative to cc if you can't do it.

Forgot to say, the method seems to be working ok but I haven't progressed to the next stage yet because dd has had quite a few other changes recently, so its trying to change as little as possible iykwim. It's not because the method isn't working, I will be stopping the stroking and starting 'just the hand' soon!!

And, sorry to keep posting, one very important part of that method is avoid eye contact - it makes all the difference to dd's willingness to sleep.

Hello, sorry to hear about your probs. The baby whisperer uses the pick up put down method, have not used it myself but saw it on the programme and looks a lot 'nicer' than cc.
I did cc on my dd recently after she suddenly started waking at night after 12 months of sleeping fine!!! She is 18 months, after 2 weeks of no sleep I resorted to cc. It took about 5 nights, but she has slept through for the last 3 nights, I am not taking this for granted though and am ready!!!! CC is not nice but it seems to work, it takes a lot of will power so I would give the other methods a try first before resorting to this, especially as your baby is still relatively young! Good Luck whatever you do. And know that you are not alone!

Saw that too yingers and seemed nicer than controlled crying - and some of the terrors she used it on!!

I did a form of cc with both my ds's and it worked. I couldn't cope any more as ds1 didn't sleep until we did this when he was 1 and ds2 didn't sleep until we did this when he was 9 months - see we did learn something!

Anyway what we did was to sit in the room with them on a chair away from the cot but they could still see us. I listened to music on walkman/mini radio so I couldnt hear them cry and you have to avoid eye contact as Wobblyknicks says. Occasionally I would go over to the cot and stroke them and say its time for sleep or lie down and go to sleep now - in a calm voice - but no eye contact and then sit down again.

It really worked for us and the boys felt safe cause they could see us and I didn't feel awful as I could see they were ok.

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What wobblyk describes is sometimes called the withdrawal method. You go and sit with them, comfort them, but keep the interaction low key. It does work, but takes much longer than cc... Can take weeks and weeks. Penelope Leach makes brief reference to it but I don't know any other author that does, or anyone that goes into detail. Pantley may...

thanks for all the ideas. if I put her in the cot she stands up and screams - can't imagine being able to get her lying down so that I can stroke her head or coax her to sleep but maybe she just has to be very tired... Another problem is that I feel I'm losing support of my husband as he believes we should try the CC method (even though it didn't really work with my older 2 girls). The ezcema and her discomfort during the night makes me feel that its too harsh just now. am also breastfeeding her alot at night to soothe her back to sleep when she is itchy. hard to break this habit, has anyone done it with a baby with ezcema?

counago - Baby WHisperer did this pick up put down thing with a little girl who was breastfed the other week - she had great success - you should get your husband to do it thuogh for the first week so that your DD gets out of the habit of being able to feed herself back to sleep.

Wobblyknicks ... do you know what age that technique starts working? Can you try it with a 4 month old or is it for much older babies/children?

Twinkie and yingers74 ... is the baby whisperer programme on these days? What channel was it on?

Discovery Health - she is great but you can buy the book - I find her really kind and you can see that she gets upset when some of the kids are but I have not seen her methods fail (and some of the kids I would have strung up if they were mine!!) and think they are kinder than any GF or CC routine.

Oh darn, I don't have Discovery Health! Maybe one of the terrestrial channels will buy it. Fingers crossed.

Twinkie is right, it is on discovery health, it used to be in the afternoons, have not seen it for a while though. However, there is a website www.babywhisper.com I think so you may want to check it out. I remember there being a manuscript of a interview with Tracey Hogg and she talked a lot about pick up put down so you may want to look at that.

Good luck

counago - the cc always worked perfectly until my dd was 14 months old when she suddenly changed and refused to be 'shut-in' anywhere - her playpen, a room by herself, her cot - everything. Since then I've had her on a mattress on the floor and thats made the world of difference.

maiakins - I don't see why it shouldn't work at any age but when they're tiny its supposed to be easier to do cc but mine is too old it seems and too decisive!!!

counago - it's very hard when you don't have the full support of your partner. Mine was the other way around - I wanted to do cc but he didn't and never supported me enough to help see it through. Consequently we attempted it three times before finally getting it to work at about 14 months - I really regret those earlier attempts as we put ds through a lot of misery without achieving anything. If you do it you have to be commited to it so if you are less than keen it might not work for you.
Even after the cc he was never fully happy till we moved him into a bed at 2 years. I don't know whether it was because he didn't like being 'caged in' or what but he became a lot happier with the bed situation.
How are naps in the day? Does she go down well then? If not maybe you could work on establishing them first - a regular nap at the same time, every day. And I think bedtime routine is very important. Give it a week of an identical routine each night and she should start to accept bedtime and maybe start lying down! I really believe you have to be as consistent as possible with this.