How to get 12 week old to sleep

[DoveGreylove]

Hi all,

I posted when my daughter was 8 weeks old as I was so confused about what to do with her in the early evening.

Now I have a more simple question - how the hell do I get my baby to sleep?? She just won't go to sleep on her own. She doesn't even know when she's tired. All of her naps and bedtime are parent led as she shows no signs at all of tiredness.

In the evening she is known to go over 5 hours since her last nap as I just CAN'T. GET. HER. TO. SLEEP.

I try to keep a routine in the day I really do but she fights naps from the get go. It doesn't matter if I try to get her to sleep within 60-90 mins since she last woke. I feed her every 3 hours at least (she is breastfed). I offer her both breasts. I burp her and I change her nappy. And no... I really don't think she has reflux.

I have a bedtime routine - I bathe her, i dress her in warmed clothes, I sing a little lullaby, I feed her, all in a very calm dimly lit manner. But the moment I put her in her swaddle she cries. She cries when I put her in my arms to rock her. She cries and cries with the odd yawn, eyes closing and opening again but it's so stressful for me and it can take over an hour of this to get her to sleep. Then once she's in the cot it's likely she will wake up within 10 mins and I have to start the whole process again. I have lost all hope.

This is the same for every nap too. She rarely sleeps in the pram and if she does it has to keep moving or else she will wake up. She hates the carrier/sling and won't take a pacifier. I don't even want to try to introduce these things now anyway...

Does anyone have ANY help or guidance on what to do... or any support?! Is anyone else in the same situation? I'm literally losing my mind.

Thanks sooooo much X

I used to have to rock mine for ages to get to sleep. We got a rocking nursing chair so at least I could sit comfortably and watch TV at the same time. We also had a bouncy chair so we could sit on the sofa and just bounce her using one foot.
I'm not sure what age she grew out of this, but I was definitely still bouncing her to sleep for day time naps at 4 or 5 months old.
I would also suggest, during the day, if she falls asleep on you, just keep hold of her (if you can) rather than putting her in the cot. Often if babies get better day time sleep they sleep better at night because they can become overtired if they havent slept for 5 hours.

She just won't go to sleep on her own. She doesn't even know when she's tired. All of her naps and bedtime are parent led as she shows no signs at all of tiredness.
I mean that sounds pretty normal for a 12-week-old baby. She's new, she doesn't know what sleep or bed or anything is, she can't close her eyes and nap the way a grown-up can. Her naps and bedtime will be parent-led basically until she drops naps for the naps, and turns into a surly teenager who stays up later than you and refuses a bedtime, surely?

As the PP said, I would do all the naps on you to make sure she gets them so she's not overtired at bedtime. And keep the pram moving! You can get little motorised rockers to put on the pram so you can stop and sit down and have a cup of tea but the pram still vibrates. Just get lots of daytime sleep into her via pram, car seat, rocking, bouncing on birth ball – and holding her once she's asleep! – and hopefully bedtimes will be a little easier.

Is the cot side-carred to the bed so when you put her down she can still sense you there? Or can you put her down in your bed?

I agree with @burritofan. 12 weeks is so tiny, and what you describe sounds normal for her age. I remember rocking, bouncing my DS at that age until my arms nearly dropped off. He would go through the ‘witching hours’ in the evening when he was an overtired mess but just wouldn’t sleep and I couldn’t do anything with him. It passed. There are not many babies at 12 weeks who can just go to sleep on their own, they need us, it simply just does not happen for most. I appreciate it’s frustrating OP but I’m sure a routine will follow later down the line, ----although at 6 months we still don’t really have a routine

My DS was exactly the same - absolute nightmare! He's a great sleeper now, but we did sleep training at 6 months. It was hard, but now he sleeps 11 hours or so every night and has done since then with occasional wakeups (maybe less than 10 nights total - he is now 13 months).

I don't recommend it for everyone, but I was at the end of my rope. Only thing that got me through the first few months was napping on me and having him sleep in bed with me. Although I was so paranoid about it I put him on a changing mat in bed with me with raised sides so that he had his own space. For some reason he was fine with that while the cot was an absolute no-go.

I think keep up the routines - she will catch on eventually - and do whatever you have to do to survive until then!

Thanks everyone. It's just so tough. I can't help but think ... what did we do ... Having a baby is not what I thought it would be. The thought of my life being like this for much longer fills me with dread!

I'm not in that idyllic newborn bubble that everyone raves about. I've not enjoyed any of it. It's such a shame.

I guess done mums are blessed with easier babies than others? Or do those of you with a similar experience as me actually still enjoy it?!!

My dd is 9 months now and was a terrible sleep fighter it drove me nuts!
At 12 weeks she is still very little and won’t learn the ability to self settle for a while yet.
Have you tried white noise? Worked like a dream for dd.
I’d say get yourself in a comfy position on the sofa, and if she sleeps just let her sleep on you.
Dd won’t sleep on me anymore and hasn’t done for 3 months and I really
Miss it :(
I promise it gets better

Oh I totally sympathise... my LO is now 5 months old and I've only managed to get her to have naps around the same times for the last month. That's all gone out the window now as she's started teething 😭 I found the stage you're at the hardest so far. I did find at 4 months DD kind of grew out of it though. I think you've just got to hang in there and it will get better. Survival I think is the right word! At its worst, me and DH used to just drive her round in the car most nights just to get her to sleep and have a break from the crying and constant rocking.
I really have found having a baby very hard... I don't think I quite knew how hard it would be. I have no idea how these lovely looking moms go to these little baby groups and have coffee. The thought of leaving the house fills me full of dread and I usually end up getting covered in shat or sick...

I had one of these velcro babies.
Stuck to me for aaaages. She's now nearly 5 and she's such a good girl and with no attachment issues. Goes to sleep fine on her own.

I BF her to sleep until she was about 20m, then we rocked her for some more time. It was a bit of a shit time but it does pass I promise.
I had to have her BFing, on me, in a sling, in the car or in a pram to sleep/nap.
She also stopped naps altogether at 20m-ish. It was shit.
Sympathies OP

@heynow12 yes I'm exactly the same, I always end up being covered in vomit just before I leave the house or we have s huge poo explosion when we arrive wherever vee are going!!

I find it so so hard I cry most days. My confidence has taken a huge blow. I honestly don't know joet these mum's do it either. Going to coffee mornings fill me with dread and I rarely attend as everyone seems to have it together and find it so easy. It makes net feel like a failure. I wish I could just get up and go with my baby and not be anxious over her (not) napping etc :(

@DoveGreylove I felt exactly the same as you. I found it totally and utterly overwhelming, and I was so anxious it was hard to function. I felt so sad all of the time. Some days I would have very happily have given him away.

My velcro baby is now nine months, and things have got a lot better. He now naps pretty well, in his cot. Night time sleep has improved. I don't think it was anything in particular that I did, he just got better at stuff. And while I still find it hard, I don't spend all of my time worrying about his naps and sleeping, and find it easier to leave the house and plan my day.

Hang in there, and remember that many many other parents find it incredibly hard too, I promise you're not alone.

I can 100% guarantee that all the other mothers are not finding it easy ; some are good at pretending. Only go to coffee mornings if you want to they are meant to be a help to you. I am sorry you are feeling down, it is exhausting. My main advice fwiw is to go with the flow and try not to feel that the responsibility for each stage is yours... it really isn't. Babies get there on their own schedule and at most you can help them. Try to get out of the house for a walk as much as you can, it is good for you both. Who can you confide in? Try to get some support.

My baby is the same age. All day time naps are in the sling. On an evening she eventually falls asleep/passes our after cluster feeding and then we cosleep all night.

No, i didn't enjoy newborn either and a lot of what you are writing echoes with me and I was diagnosed with PND. Sleep deprivation didn't help but from about 5 mo, we coslept then learnt to boob lying down

Didn't really enjoy being a mum til well into second year and only once he's been verbal and mobile and weaned from the boob have I ever found myself actually happy around him.

I still have anxiety around DS sleep and it's still not 'easy' by any means but nursery 2 days per week and him being able to communicate his needs is helping (he actually asked to nap this weekend