1 year old won't let daddy make him sleep

[MagicSpaceFly]

He's actually 11 months old. Mummy usually makes him sleep at night by breastfeeding and rocking alternately. If Daddy (that's me) tries to make him sleep, he starts to cry, and cry and then vomits. Sometimes an Auntie can make him sleep during the day for naps, but not always.

We've read all the advice about Mummy being out of the room, or out of the house (not going to happen), but how does that help if he doesn't go to sleep in my arms, or on the bed, or in the cot or anything I've tried?

He also wakes every night and isn't comforted if Daddy tries to hold him and sooth him, he only goes back to sleep by breastfeeding.

We're never going to let him cry it out.

Advice please?

What is your bedroom routine on the nights you do it? I think it's just going to take perseverance.
DS 4 has an hour bed routine, so teeth, nappy, Pj's, bit of crazy time, then half a dozen books then lie down and lights out. Obviously he's older than yours but it's been the same routine for a while. DH sits in his room until he goes to sleep (altho now DS will send Daddy out ocme he's settled) and when he used to cry would sit the side of his be comforting him.
Doing that, being there to pat and sshhh and reassure isn't CIO but it's still hard. I think you're going to have to endure that solidly for a bit.

How much care do you do besides bedtime?

You need to try and get him to self settle and not rely on a parent to feed or rock him to sleep. It’s only because mum has milk that he won’t allow you to settle him as he isn’t getting what he relies on to sleep.

I would recommend the Baby Sleep Solution book by Lucy Wolfe. I read about it on a thread here and it helped us break the cycle. DS then started sleeping through the night a few weeks later. It does involve you being in the room with baby whilst they learn to fall asleep. You can pat them, sing to them and shh them but not feed them. She also has very good Instagram videos too.

Do you do naps in the carrier at weekends and lots of babywearing? How's your bond in the daytime?

It might just be too soon for him to have his routine changed, or there may be something developmental or teething going on right now, and you need to try again in a few weeks. Or it's a case of persisting night after night; only you'll know what works for your baby.

Self settling isn't an achievable goal for all babies and the Lucy Wolfe book reads to me like modified PUPD; plenty of parents help their babies and children go to sleep at a lot older than 11 months, and they sleep through or have few wakings. It's not the holy grail.