sleep deprevation

[calcium]

HELP!! I am now getting desperate as my 3 month old dd will not sleep any more than 3 hour sretches at a time during the night (usually one ) meaning that I have to get up 4 times to either feed or settle her. I am following a GF routine which works well during the day apart from putting her down at 7pm which is an impossibility. she usually goes to bed around 8-8.30pm with a feed of BM and EM and then when she awakes about 3 hours later I give her a bottle, after that its 2 hours, sometimes 1 and a half hours throughout the night until around 5.30am when she just grizzles and thrashes around so I have started getting her out of her cot and putting her in bed with us so that I can get another sleep (not something I want to encourage). She used to settle well each time she woke but now that also is becoming difficult. I am now going to try to put her on a bottle and give up the BF as then dh can help with night time feeds. I am at my wits end and really need some tips/advice. I hope someone out there can help.

I have just read this thread Calcium and am so sorry that you are having such a rough time - I hope that you have a better nights sleep soon. I have no real advice to offer - there are so many good ideas here already. All I can offer is my sympathy and to tell you that it really does get better. My mistake was that I never accepted help and never ever admitted that I was struggling through lack of sleep and raging hormones. Even if she is not sleeping, try and get some yourself if you can - any trusted family or friends that can take her out for at least a half hour walk in the day will help you cope better at night. Stay positive.

calcium - how horrid for you! I did gf from 3 weeks and also called her when I needed. It's £60 for an hour, £90 for 2hrs and worth every penny, as far as I'm concerned. Ds's major problem took about 45 mins of phone time to sort out, 3 days on my part. After that, I just used up the last bit of time with various questions that I couldn't find answers to. If you're into the routine and it's working during the day, call her! She's really nice, funny but a bit authoritarian, in a 'carry on' kind of way. Just a question: how does your baby GET to sleep during the day? You may find that an inability to settle at night is linked to you (albeit)inadvertently 'helping' her to sleep during the day: feeding, rocking, putting her down already asleep etc. This would mean that she actually doesn't know how to get to sleep on her own, or resettle herself at night when she wakes during a light sleep cycle. At 3 months this was my problem, and it was sorted in 3 days after I spoke to the magic miss ford It may not be this, but it's worth while talking through you're routine in detail with someone. Good luck

Here is the number : 01289 303 351 (it's at the back of the book). I hear she is really nice.
Good luck.... thinking of you.

Please let us know how you get on !

many thanks to you all for all your advice. I seem to be surrounded by friends who all have "good" babies ie. ones that sleep well at night. To know that there are lots of you out there who have been through what I am going through now is a great help.

Today having given dd a bottle at 11am and then bf for the rest of her daytime feeds, after kick around and bath she fell asleep dead on 7pm, waking dead on 10pm. I have just given her the second bottle of the day and have my fingers crossed that she may sleep a little longer than usual.

I will definately give GF a ring although you all have probably given me the best advice. It
does feel like it will never get better, but once I have a decent nights kip, get rid of the headaches and begin to enjoy being a mum I know things will improve.

This is such a wonderful site and such a help far better than all the books I have read (and boy have I read them all!) Keep on writing ....

Glad things are panning out, Calcium and that your dd has put on 12oz - wow!! And take no notice of the 'watered down and less good quality' breast milk comment. It's an old wive's tale, as any BF counsellor will tell you. You make the milk you baby needs.

Calcium, I haven't read all of the thread so forgive me if I'm repeating things.

My ds fed 4 times a night from birth and up to 6 times in the few weeks before he was weaned. As he was my 2nd, from day 1 I took him to bed with us and fed him there. This meant I wasn't properly woken up and could kind of doze when he was feeding. I'm sure he fed more often because he was next to me (eventually he used to find his way to me without crying and just latch on), but it worked perfectly for us and he was and is a very contented little boy.

Once he started solids, he did start to sleep through and in his own bed without any problems. If putting your dd in bed with you helps you cope - don't worry about it (I'm speaking as someone who's never read GF so she may say something different)

Having been through my 1st who hardly slept at all for the first couple of months, I found that this was the best way to cope. Motherhood with dd was a nightmare, never mind a chore, until she was 4 months old.

I also had friends with 'super' babies that slept for long periods and found dd an incredible shock to the system. But rest assured, you're not the only one with a hungry, wakeful baby.

As I have said many times before to other Mums who've posted similar things....I'll be thinking of you and good luck Calcium!

12oz per week - wow - proof positive you're doing something right there's your reason why dd is feeding so much - she's not at all satisfied with her position on the weight graph and is wanting to move up the percentiles.

From memory most babs are gaining 6-8oz per week at that age - hence thay can manage on fewer tummy fulls. Given the stat that was on mumsnet home page a couple of days ago (that 60% of a babies intake of calories goes into growing the brain) just think what good all that hard work you are doing is doing for dd.

Congratulate yourself, you are doing a marvelous job.

Oohh, one more thing - about motherhood becoming a joy - have faith that it will. I remember reading something like this of other womens' experience of that bond ...

"I don't know of a mother who hasn't exclaimed, within the first year of their child's life, just how amazed they are of how much they love their child. For some women the bond is instant and overwhelming, for others it grows on them - think boa constrictor"

Over the last two months I've been firmly gripped and squeezed till there's an almost permenant smile on my face. You two will find a way to live together and start to enjoy each other - it's obvious from what you say that the love and the caring is already there.

Although dd woke 5 times last night I settled her twice so things were a little better. She was an angel today and tonight fell asleep at 6.45pm absolutely exhausted. Lets hope tonight she wakes 4 times ( I am trying to be realistic here) I met a friend and went shopping and kept looking at dd and thinking how gorgeous she was.

I will not give up and we will get dd into sleeping a little longer at night, lets just hope it happens soon!!

Well done Calcium. I'm feeling a bit sleep deprived at the moment. I have been called into work (after having done a full day)and the twice round trip is 100 miles of drving and DS has been poorly so up about 8 times in the night last two nights before letting him sleep with me. I am fortunate though that DS is much better today so I am looking forward to getting this program rerun and getting home to bed. Its the not knowing when the end is in sight thats so difficult isn't it?

SueDonim

Sorry that you think that my advice is not worth listening to. It came from my HV and I thought that after a long hard day running around you might feel rather jaded - and therefore so would you body -
But if we have your 'pearls of wisdom' to listen to ... then why bother about me ?

I did not mean to run anybody down and if calcium does not want to listen to me that's fine. But please don't belittle me as I give advice in good faith - not because I have nothing better to do.

Calcium, this will probably sound totally mad, but... I've been waiting for ages to get dd (6 mo) into some sort of routine. Just in the last three days' I think we've cracked it and for the first time ever she was asleep by 8.30. I crept up to bed at 11 and you know what? I burst into tears because I didn't need to cuddle her to sleep in bed beside me, listening to her lullaby tape as I kiss the top of her head. In fact I have tears running down my face now!

It does get better, I promise. Keep strong, you obviously love your gorgeous little girl, you have such fun times to look forward to.

BTW, re dummies - Dd will only take cherry teat ones. This week I had to give her an orthodontic one and she went crackers until dh came home with the cherry teat ones - she can't keep the orthodontic ones in her mouth but the cherry teat ones stay in.

Sorry if I came over a bit sharp, Crystaltips. Your HV's comments brought back to me that I was told my baby wasn't putting on weight for almost exactly the same reasons. I felt such a failure and that I was feeding my baby with a substandard product. When I followed it up and later worked with BF counsellors, I discovered that breastfeeding just doesn't work in that manner and that you always make the milk your baby needs. I also came to know that even wmen who are malnourished or even sufferbg from starvation produce adequate milk for teir babies - see the Baby Milk Action for evidence of that.

Oops, pressed 'Post' instead of 'Preview'!! Here's the revised version.

Sorry if I came over a bit sharp, Crystaltips. Your HV's comments brought back to me that I was told my baby wasn't putting on weight for almost exactly the same reasons. I felt such a failure and that I was feeding my baby with a substandard product. When I followed it up and later worked with BF counsellors, I discovered that breastfeeding just doesn't work in that manner and that you always make the milk your baby needs. I also came to know that even women who are malnourished or suffering from starvation produce adequate milk for their babies - see Baby Milk Action for evidence of that. I know from experience that it isn't nice to be told that your milk isn't good enough for your baby, hence my knee jerk reaction.

All opinions are valid and welcome, each of us have our own views otherwise this site would be useless!!

dd got to sleep at 6.45pm last night, I just couldn't keep her awake!! she woke 4 times where I settled her once and then I couldn't get back to sleep so feel worse than ever this morning!! tonight everyone is going out to a massive party and I have to stay in doing the routine and desperately trying to go to bed earlier and earlier... have to laugh although crying would be more appropriate but not as constructive!

I know it will get better and I do know what you mean ionesmum - can't win can you? When the breast feeding is going well dd looks so gorgeous and smell so warm BUT sleep must now come first! DH is this very minute giving her a bottle and entertaining her while I type away. Must dash the phone is ringing ...

Calcium - you've had so many mothers saying that they went through the same thing as you but I hope you won't mind another one. My ds is now 14 months and a very happy little soul but the first 6 months were a nightmare. Reading this thread has brought so much of it back - its incredible how quickly we forget so much of what seems so totally unforgettable at the time. I decided to start reducing the night feeding which at 4 months old was still every 2 hours. I operated like a zombie and would feel like bursting into tears at the slightest thing. Like you the weight gain was enough to know that he didnt actually need to be fed all through the night. My DP was a great help. When DS woke for a feed DP would go in on alternate times and re-settle him without a feed. DS accepted this from DP but wouldnt have done from me. After a few nights of this DS did start to sleep for about four hours at a time which meant just two or three night time wakings. This helped me get through and when he was 6 months old we did controlled crying which was quite effective. HOpe this is of some help. Good luck. I know how you feel. You will get through it!!

Yes, as Gloria Gaynor nearly put it, you will survive. Hard to believe, but true. My ds was a bugger for not sleeping but he's now an angel (touch wood). I'm sure your daughter will repay you later!