Stopping 10.30pm feed to help sleeping through?

[Lovage]

I'm still bfing DS (12mo) when we go to bed at 10.30ish. About half the time it's a dreamfeed and about half the time he's woken up and started crying. I don't mind doing it at all and it feels like good insurance against him waking at 12 or 1am which happened the few times I tried not doing it (but months ago)

But I'm also trying to stop feeding him overnight at all (see other thread on 'going to stop tonight') so I'm wondering whether I'm confusing him about 'the new rules' by feeding him after he's gone to sleep and woken up. Although it seems quite different to me because I haven't been woken up, to him it must be the same - he was asleep, he wakes up and is unhappy to be awake, he wants to bf cos that's his favourite form of comfort and easiest way to get back to sleep. How come the first time this happens he gets a bf and then after that he only gets Daddy however much he makes it clear that he wants to bf?!

But then I think this is too much to try and change at once. Not feeding him between 10.30 and 6.30 is hard enough for all of us, without adding in another hurdle.

But would it make it clearer to him what's going on? Or do babies this young not have the cognitive capacity for this sort of thing anyway?

I also worry that he would be hungry without that feed. He's not a big solids eater and is still on 5 - 6 bfs in 24 hrs. His bedtime feed at 6.30ish is often tiny cos he's only just had tea (has to have tea either too early at 4.45 or too late at 6pm on work days due to car sharing complications). The 10.30pm feed is usually better and makes me feel confident that he is not hungry when he wakes at 2 /3 / 4 whatever.

I think maybe I'm talking myself round to not trying to stop this as well. But I'd be very interested to hear any contrary experiences or opinions!

I would still BF at 10.30, especially if he only has his tea at 6pm. If he wakes up during the night after this feed I would try water, or leave him crying (VERY hard, I know). If he is not taking many solids during the day, you can't expect him to go from 6.30pm without a feed. Couldn't you express on alternate nights so that DH can do it as well. That way you may be able to catch up on some sleep!!

Just re-read your post. Why are you waking him at 10.30? I would let him sleep until he wakes with hunger. He will then have a 'proper' feed and probably sleep through till morning. Again, can't you express, so that DH can share the load? Maybe even move onto bottle feeds for the nightime feed?

I'm not waking him. About half the time he's woken up himself and is crying. The other half of the time I do a 'dreamfeed' - he doesn't wake up but feeds in his sleep. It's usually a good feed. On the few times I've not done the dreamfeed, he's woken at 12 or 1 instead of 2 or later which is much worse for me because I've only just fallen asleep myself. And then he sometimes wakes again before morning, whereas with the 10.30 feed he usually only feeds once. But I haven't tried not doing the 10.30 feed for a while so it might be worth experimenting again.

Expressing doesn't help - he will only take a few mouthfuls from the cup (never got the hang of bottles) in the middle of the night (is fine with it in the day). I really don't think it's hunger at that point, although I think it might be if I didn't do 10.30 feed.

DD is ten months - we stopped the 10:30 feed a week ago - I was too knackered to do it and for the first time ever she slept through till 7am (from 8pm). So it's worth experimenting, it might work.